My breath caught in my chest when I found out he was one of the other goalies on the national team. I've seen him a couple times in the past five years, and we've only exchanged polite nods. Nothing that could lead anyone to speculate. Now we're on the same team and there's no avoiding that conversation. I'm second-string and he's third, which means he and I are going to be spending a lot of time together on the bench.
Like now.
"Hey Nick," he says.
"Hey Jason," I say back.
That's all we say during practice.
But I can tell Jason's stealing glances at me, because I'm doing the same to him. His beard's the shortest I've seen it, dark brown with tinges of gold and red. Brown eyes focused on the skaters on the ice. They flick over to me and I switch my gaze to the ice, too.
Once we've met with the coach--and our starting goalie, Cole--it's back to the locker room for showers. I'm trying not to think about the last time I showered in the same room as Jason and I'm failing miserably. Thinking about how he looked with soap dripping down his body, bubbles on the--
"Nick," Cole says from across the locker room.
I shake my head quickly. "Yeah?"
"You wanna get beers after we're done? With me and Jason."
"Oh," I say. "Sure."
Beers.
I can do that.
###
Sitting across a bar booth from a man I've been inside isn't something I'm used to. I'm not really a relationship guy, partly because a relationship with a man would cause intense scrutiny from the league, but also because I don't really know how they're supposed to work. But if it's any consolation, Jason also looks somewhat uncomfortable with this, drinking his beer and avoiding my eyes. That's fine. I don't think I could stare into his right now, either.
Cole's plenty chatty about the upcoming tournament, so conversation is easy. We joke around, and eventually I feel my shoulders relax.
Then Cole excuses himself to the bathroom.
Jason's eyes meet mine for the first time.
"You look good," he says quietly.
"Oh-- uh-- thanks." I can feel my ears turning red. "You too."
He looks away. God fucking damn it he's fine. I want him again, and I know I do, but I can't bring any words to my lips. I take a sip of beer instead. He does the same.
We don't speak again.
"You guys got quiet," Cole says, slipping back into the booth and wrapping a casual arm around Jason. Something catches in my throat.