After Ryan and Megan moved out and were settled in their own lives it was Terry and I, things were good for quite a while then Terry started to become distant, his mind elsewhere, his interest in me sexually no longer there. He was quickly losing interest in me, his eye roaming, looking at other men, feeling like he had missed out.
I quickly realized he was seeing other men on the side, after my ordeal with Scott and the other Terry I was not going to stand in his way of his exploring his options, but he would not be living with me or sleeping in my bed anymore. Terry would get himself a one bedroom apartment on the other side of the city, he had met a younger guy he was interested in and hoped to pursue a sexual relationship with this young man.
I helped set Terry up in his new place, he and I would be friends, but not close ones, it was to weird to watch him with other guys around. Terry and I let the kids know we were going to separate their Dad moving out of my house. Terry and I split up financially, he going his way me going mine, I was not looking for another relationship at this time, or anytime soon. I wanted to be alone, let myself heal from all the bad ones I had been in.
After Terry left Ryan called me asking if I was okay, if I needed someone to talk to. I told him I was fine, I needed time to heal, I needed time alone to sort things out. Ryan told me if I ever needed anything to call him right away any time of day or night. Megan too was very supportive, these two were like my own kids they treated me like their Step Dad.
It must have been a week after I had talked to Ryan that he showed up at my place unannounced, he walked in like he always did, still having the key to my home. He was alone and was worried about me, I was so thrilled to see him again, I still cared for him so much.
He came in and hugged me, he knew how to hug me to make me feel so much better, we stood there holding each other and that is when the waterworks started. Terry and I splitting brought it all back, the thing with Scott, the other Terry who had left me to be with a much younger man. Ryan held me as I cried it out, I felt so good in Ryan's arms.
Ryan and I sat, he asked what was going on, I told him the details of his Dad moving in with a younger man he was no longer interested in me. I told Ryan about mine and Scott's relationship, and how I had met this other man named Terry and how he had left me for a much younger guy. I told him about the wonderful man named Robert who I loved more than life itself. Ryan held me as I broke down and told it all to him.
He and I sat and talked about our pasts and he told me how things were with himself and John, John had little or no sex drive or time or want to have sex anymore, Ryan as I remembered was a machine in the bedroom. Ryan looked me in the eye and pulled me in for a kiss, a Ryan kiss, I was powerless in his embrace. He made me feel cared for once again, he made me feel like I was worth something.
"Tom I still love you, I will never get over you, you and I had something very special."
"I love you too Ryan, always have always will, you saved me from the loveless sexless life after Robert was killed, I was dead inside, Scott hurt me so badly I would not trust anyone, I trusted Terry after Scott but that too ended badly for me, losing Robert was the final straw that did me in, I was never going to be with anyone ever again after that.
These men don't realize what it does to a man to be used and abused, not Robert but Scott and both Terry's, I was lost, I was broken, I put on a good show that I was okay. Then I met Robert he was my perfect match, but his life was cut short and I was left alone once more. I swore I would never let another man get close or near me, I was done with any and all men. Then you got in the shower with me and we well you know what we did. You brought me back to life Ryan."
"Tom you are my first love, there is no one that could ever compare to you, John is wonderful, and I love him with all my heart. I remember jerking off watching you in your shower as you jerked off for me to see you, I knew I would have to get in that shower with you, strip naked and get in that shower with you, you were so flustered, I was scared but at the same time I thought if you want something you go out and take it, and I was taking you Tom.
Ryan and I kissed, I felt bad for John, but I needed Ryan right now, I needed to feel like someone cared, like someone wanted me, that I was worth something, I was a shell once again, these men had left me broken. Ryan held me, he took me to the bedroom and undressed me. Him and I naked in bed together, Ryan held me to his chest, normally I held him, but he knew what I needed right now.
I slowly drifted off to sleep, with all that was going on with Terry and the memories all flooding back for me I was not sleeping at night. Ryan held me as I slept, I never felt so safe and cared for as I did right now. I awoke, Ryan too had dozed off, I looked at him, that beautiful young man who had taken care of me when I needed him the most, the young man who had breathed life back into me when I was lost and felt dead inside.
I broke down in tears, my emotions flooding out of me now, Ryan woke to me full throttle crying uncontrollably. He pulled me in tight to him, I felt so good in his arms.
"It's going to be okay Tom, I'm here I will take care or you. You know I love you."
"Love you too Ryan, thank you for all of this, you make me feel so much better, thank you so much."
Ryan and I laid there both of us naked, both of us hard, both of us not having had sex in a very long time. I felt so much guilt that I wanted Ryan and he was still with John. I needed someone to make me feel alive again.
"Tom how about a swim in the pool change this mood, or maybe I can watch you shower, the get in with you and suck you like I did the first time."
Ryan and I decided on a swim in the pool, Ryan went in the washroom to pee I headed out to the pool, I put on swim trunks so I was ready, I went out and dove in. Ryan came out the back door naked like he and I always swam. I got out and pulled my shorts off, Ryan did his flip in the water showing his perfect ass, I dove in coming up in front of Ryan.
Ryan pulled me into a kiss, I still had so much guilt that he was with John and he and I were kissing in my pool naked.
"Ryan you and I should not be doing this, you're with John, I feel so bad doing this."
