Finally got the next one out for you, hope you like it.
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The following morning was a Saturday, so like normal I allowed myself to stay in bed for a sleep in, but the moment my eyes opened my brain kicked in. There were so many selfish thoughts, however the one that overrode them all was, 'Poor Charlie'. Such a good man and he doesn't deserve any heart break I will bring him. But isn't it worse to let him go on thinking everything is ok? For him to think that he is loved when he really isn't?
Finally I got up to cook a special breakfast for us both, it was a struggle as my mind was distracted and I kept forgetting steps in something I had done so many times, I even burnt my finger at one point which prompted my normal loud cry of expletives.
That prompted Charlie from his bed, heading upstairs to the kitchen in our modern upside down house that had the kitchen and living areas at the top so as to take advantage of the views. "What's up?" he questioned as he neared the top of the steps.
"Oh I just burnt my finger like an idiot" I answered flippantly. "Want some breakfast? I made Bacon, Eggs and Hashbrowns."
Charlie rubbed his hands together and indicated his acceptance of the offer, then went straight to the dining table to wait. Very shortly afterwards I placed his plate in front of him, with a glass of juice and sat down to join him.
"Why are you so quiet?" Charlie asked noticing the dark cloud that seemed to hang over my head, "Hated the ballet?" he quizzed.
"Um no, it's not that" I hesitantly answered finishing my mouthful of breakfast. "Charlie..." I began, my eyes dropping, was I really about to do this? "Charlie, I need to talk about us, you know I love you, but Charlie, I think it is obvious that we are more like friends than lovers".
Charlies mouth dropped and I could tell he was just realising this was a much bigger conversation than he expected. "What do you mean?"
"I mean, that we never have sex, there is no intimacy, we just don't have that kind of connection. You're my best friend, but that's all, and I am so sorry Charlie, I think I need to try and find a lover".
Charlie's eyes began to well up and he very quietly said "You're right" he put down his fork and his eyes and head dropped. "I don't want it to be true James, but it is." His response was quiet and measured as he quite clearly summoned his strength to talk with me rationally while the emotional adrenalin rushed into his veins.
I simply let tears run from my eyes and said nothing as I looked at the face of my favourite person contort in sadness. God I didn't want to hurt him, if only there was a way not to.
"The truth is I have thought this for a long time too..." he began, "but because we are such a good team, I didn't want to be just another couple who didn't try their best. We did try our best though didn't we?"
His question caught me in the throat and my eyes again met his.
"Yes we did honey, and oh god I hope you will always be my friend after our hearts heal. There just has to be a better match for both of us out there".
After that it was a scarily simple, there were lots of hugs and tears but Charlie and I very easily split everything. At no point did I want to make it harder so I probably gave Charlie more than his share of our communal property, but he deserved it in my eyes, and I genuinely wanted his friendship.
Probably the hardest part was three days before I moved out Charlie had a date. It had taken more than a month to disconnect our lives and to find a new home, and in that time we had even managed to laugh and be friendly. But when he was picked up to go to dinner by a big hunky muscle guy I was surprised that under my facade of smiles and encouragement I had a pang of jealousy.
It only lasted a few minutes making me laugh in the end, clearly Charlie would be ok. I mean he is a good looking guy, of course there will be men chasing after him.
It was a further month after that, that things had settled and my new normal smile had settled in. Charlie was doing fine, and so was I, so having begun to forgive myself things were getting easier and even going to the gym was getting more fun.
As I entered the reception area I caught Estelle's eye and got her cheery greeting. "Where have you been?" I asked "It's been weeks since I saw you".
Estelle showed me her tan and smiled, "Tahiti" she said, before telling me how wonderful it had been, how she had met a hot island man and done lots of naughty and fun things, which made me giggle.
"I wish my love life was going so well" I quipped.
"I thought you had a man?" she queried as I began walking towards the stairs.
"Oh we broke up a month ago" I explained waving it off with a hand gesture.
