Second Chance

Author Note:

FYI: No sex in this story, if you are looking to get quick rub off, this isn't the story.

Thank you again to k5vreed, this was the story he told me to file away for another day, and I couldn't let it go. I have another one that is about ready that he didn't even tell me to file away, just to get it written so I can work on my other stories, so I spent the entire holiday weekend writing on the other one that will be out in a few weeks, I have to still get it edited. K5vreed is the bomb though, I always have a hard time naming my stories and he came up with this name and the other one that will be coming out.

Thank you to TesoroMio, for editing it, it is ok, if you see mistakes, they happen.

As aclassylady emailed me, "I think you did an excellent job with selecting your editors. Editors help with many things and remember we are still only human. So if the editors read it and still miss something, then chalk it up to being human and no one of us is perfect." (Hopeful she doesn't mind I cut and pasted part of her email.)

So again, thank you k5vreed and TesoroMio, you two are great. Your purpose to me is different, I hope that k5vreed realizes that I need him to keep me focused and give me ideas of how my story should go. That he is my first line of editing and also I rely on him to be there when I ramble. :-) and TesoroMio even though I know you are busy raising a family that you have the time now and then to help with my punctuation and past/present tense.

This is a stand-alone story, I DON'T plan on extending it, but with me, you never know.

As always public and private comments are welcomed.

Thank you,

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My name is Andrew Drew Meyers. I know-two "Drews" in my name. My mother thought it would be funny. When I introduce myself I just say Andrew Meyers or Andy. I don't give my full name unless it is required. I get along great with my family; I always have and think I always will. I came out to them when I was sixteen. Neither my mother nor my father flinched. My sister, Sarah, just laughed at me and walked away, saying that I was a dumbass that everyone already knew. I also have a younger brother named Aspen-my mom and the names she picks out. Anyways, Aspen is still being taken care of by them. He is physically and mentally disabled.

I am 32 years old, five-ten with light sandy brown hair, and green eyes. I have a fucked up back so I can't do much because I am in pain most days, but that is life and I have been living with it for ten years now. How did I fuck it up? Well, stupid early twenties shit. I broke up with my boyfriend of four years. We met the first week of freshman year, but I will go into that later. Anyways, it was a week after graduation, I had moved home and went out drinking with friends; I was still trying to get over Josh (that was his name, Joshua Aiden Smith).

I was getting drunk every night after graduation. I had just two weeks before I would start my new job. I had been hired as tech support for a software company. Well I got wasted and my friends were trying to take my keys away from me. I told them I was fine and left before they could stop me. Well I woke up in the hospital a week later. I had feeling below the waist, but the doctors weren't sure if I would walk again. I was in traction for a bit until my spine healed, then in rehab and a nursing home for six months until my sister could help me out. She was just a half of a year behind me in school so when she graduated in December, she had me moved back to my parents and took take care of me. Before that I wouldn't go home because I didn't want to put the extra burden on my mother.

Was I bitter? Hell yes, I was, and I blamed everything on Josh. He didn't know it and never will, but I did. I blamed him for our break up (which was his fault, but never mind that right now), the accident, and my back. I came to realize later that the accident and the related issues weren't his fault, but it took a long time. I ended up losing the job that I had secured after graduation. But after I could walk, it didn't take me long to find another one. There I moved up in the company quickly.

I have a sit down job—a really nice one, at that. I write code. I'm a programmer. I love programs. I love computers. I like to break them apart, look at them, and put them back together. Anything about computers, I love. With code, just being able to create something no one else has is fun to me.

Yes, I'm a nerd-always have been and always will be. But I'm not one of the pocket protector nerds. I think I look pretty good, for being 32. I'm not about my looks anymore. I used to be, back in college and before I knew I looked good. Now I couldn't care less about it. I try to stay in shape as much as my back will allow me. I can't run anymore, but I can walk and I am happy about that. I lift weights either laying or sitting on a weight bench. I do not stand to do it anymore. It would cause too much pain if I did.

I work between 60 and 80 hours a week. It's not that I have to. My company would prefer that I didn't, but they are happy when I get a program out for testing way before deadline. So they don't mind it much. I'm generally at work from six to six, Monday to Friday. Sometimes I wake up in the middle of the night and go in earlier or on the weekend, but that is only when I am stressed about a particular code that I'm working on.

I have a few friends that I hang out with, so I am not a complete introvert or a shut in. We still go to the bar, but I don't drink. I order a pop or water. We generally meet up every Friday or Saturday, but one weekend last January I told them I couldn't because my roommate was having company and wanted me around. It was a Friday and payday at that, so I decided to cut out a little early. By a little early I mean five.

On my way home I got a call from my roommate of five years, Peter Smith. He reminded me that his brother was coming for a visit, that he was there, and to not be a grump when I got home. I laughed at him. He knows me too well. I reminded him that I knew, and that I wasn't an airhead. I also told him I was basically pain free that day and I would be nice to his brother. This wasn't the first time his brother had been here, but it was the first time I would meet him. The last time he came, I was out of town at a conference.

Pete is younger than me by five years. No we aren't a couple. Pete is as straight as they come. He has been dating a girl, Jenny, these past few years. They seem serious, but as far as I can tell Pete is not the settling down type, at least not yet. Pete is taller than me, six foot even, and, believe it or not, a platinum blonde. I can't believe how blonde he is. And he has the bluest of blue eyes. Anyone could get lost in them. No, again, I'm not attracted to him. His eyes just remind me of my college boyfriend's eyes, but Pete doesn't look anything like him, other than his eyes.

Anyways, I got the call from Pete and finally made it to my house. When I walked in, I could see Pete sitting in the family room and he was talking to his brother. As I walked into the kitchen towards the family room, I saw his brother and his brother saw me.

"Drew?" He looked up at me in complete amazement.

"Josh," I replied and walked out of the room towards my bedroom. I wasn't going to have this conversation in front of Pete. Josh instantly got up and followed me.

"Drew, please don't walk away." He was the only one I would allow to call me Drew.

Pete walked into my room following Josh. "How the hell do you two know one another?"

"Undergrad," was all we both said, still looking at one another.

I know you are thinking I should have known-that Pete probably talked about his brother, Josh, at some point during his five years of living with me. Yes, he did, but as I said before, they look nothing alike other than the blue eyes. I know "Smith" was his last name and he was from Chicago, but again, how common is the last name of Smith? My last name is Meyers. I'm sure he talked about me as well to Josh, but it didn't click on either side. It wasn't like Pete was close to Josh. They talk, but Pete was closer to his younger brother Daniel and talked about him all the time.

"Peter could you please get out," Josh asked his brother and then shut the door in his face. "Drew, I can't believe it is you." He walked up to me and gave me a hug. I hugged back. "I've missed you."

"Yeah, Josh, so have I." And I really meant it. Josh was my first and only real love and I always thought we would always be together.

Now I am sure you are wondering what happened? Why did we break up? Well it all stemmed from the fact that he was way in the closet and I wasn't. He wouldn't even come with me to meet my parents, because he didn't want to be labeled as gay. He hid it, and during the first couple of years I was okay with that, thinking he would eventually come out of his shell. But he never did. When we hung out in public we didn't touch, but when we were in my room he was all over me.

When the week before graduation came, I told him I wanted to meet his family, that I loved him and wanted to follow him to where he was going to go to medical school. I also told him that I would like him to meet mine. He got all quiet and told me no. I flew off the handle and told him that we didn't have a future and walked out of our room. I didn't talk to him the last week of school and refused to look at him when we graduated. I saw him from a far when I was walking with my family to the van but I didn't stare at him too long.

It was funny to be looking at the only person that I had ever loved. I could see the wheels turning in Josh's head and he asked me about the accident. Pete had told him about it, but, as I said, it didn't register with Josh about my name either and it wasn't like Pete knew exactly when it happened. I had only told him 'a long time back.' I had told him about getting drunk and flipping my car. It wasn't a simple accident. I flipped it something good and I wasn't found right away. It was a few hours before someone happened upon my car. It wasn't that people didn't see the wreckage, they just didn't see my car in the deep ditch.

"How's your back now?"

"I can walk. I am in pain a lot of days, but I thank god every day that I can walk."

"Drew, I have always loved you. I wish I would have known that my brother had been renting his room from you all this time. I would have hoped to see you earlier."

How could I tell him that if he had come face to face with me even five years ago, that I would have probably punched him? So I changed the subject. "Josh, I really didn't know Peter was your brother. He doesn't look at all like you." And really he didn't other than his blue eyes. Josh is six-two with black hair. Even their facial features are different.

Josh laughed. "No, none of us look like one another. How did you two meet?" There was a question that I was sure he knew the answer to.

"Pete never told you how he started renting a room from me?"

"I am sure he probably has, but I will be honest. When Pete and I would talk, I was usually so dead on my feet that I was only half paying attention to him." Well that would explain why he didn't put two and two together on his end. I am not the only one that is obtuse.

"I was meeting with friends at a bar for drinks. Before you think it, I don't drink anymore. I always order water, pop or something. Pete was with my friends. He had just started working with them, and they asked him along. Pete was complaining about how hard it was to find a decent apartment in town and I opened my mouth and told him I had a room for rent," I laughed. "He had this air about him, which I just wanted to get to know. I don't know why, but I just needed him around."

"You knew from the start he wasn't gay right?"

"Yeah, I did. The fact that he is straight was one of the main reasons of allowing him to live here."

"Why?"

"Knew I couldn't get tempted. Not that I could do anything anyways."

"What do you mean?"

"Hurts to have sex, so I don't anymore."

"I feel like a broken record, what do you mean?"

"Well can't be on top without my back hurting to the point that my erection is gone, and I hate laying on my back and making my partner do all the work. So I stopped. I tried a few times a few years after I healed and haven't since. It is hard to find someone to be with, when they want a physical relationship and I didn't. So long story short, it was easier having a straight guy in my home."

I know you are thinking that I am stupid, that sex is sex even if your partner is riding cowboy style, but just not to me, it doesn't feel the same. I like to be physical with the men I have sex with, not that I have had that much sex. Tons of sex with Josh. Shit, we were together for four years except during the summers, and I also had a few boyfriends in high school. But for me, I always felt that if I wasn't working up a sweat while having sex that it didn't feel right.

"I am sorry, Drew." He even looked it.

"Don't be, it wasn't your fault." And I was being truthful. I have come to terms with it in these past three years. Yes, it took seven years to know that Josh wasn't the one that made me drink and drive that night. But the fact that I finally came to terms with it, I think was good on my end. It has lifted a lot off my mind and shoulders and, believe it or not, I don't feel as much pain as I did when I held the grudge.

"Yes it is. If I would have just come out for you..."

"No, you did what you needed to do. I shouldn't have pressed for you to come out to the world for me." I did lie on that, because I did love him, and it hurt so much that he denied what he was and wouldn't be everything that I wanted him to be with me. He wouldn't do a lot of things because he was afraid to be outed. Why did I stay with him? Because I loved him. I loved him beyond his fears. I loved being with him. I loved waking up in his arms, I just loved everything about him.

Everyone gives a little when they are in love, and that was what I was; I was in love with Josh. But the day he told me no, that he wouldn't let me meet his family or meet mine, my heart was so crushed it was bleeding out. At that moment I thought he didn't want me, that he didn't want my love or our love. So I blew up and I walked away and I hated him. I hated every fiber of his being. I moved out of the dorm that night back to my parents, I commuted for my finals, and never answered his phone calls.

"I did, two weeks after graduation." Josh brought me back from my thoughts. "My family saw how depressed I was and I finally broke down and told them I missed my love, that I missed you, Drew. They took it better than I thought they would. They said they always had known."

Josh stepped closer to me again and put his hand on my cheek, I leaned into it and closed my eyes. I thought to myself, God, I know I shouldn't; I shouldn't open my heart to him.

"Drew, I know this doesn't mean anything to you now, but I love you. I always have and always will. I really have missed you." He continued because I couldn't say anything, "I looked for you. No one knew where you were. It was like you had dropped off the face of the earth." The reason that none of his friends knew where to find me was because I didn't hang with his friends after we broke up. I wasn't going to let him know through his friends how depressed I was.

"In a sense I did. I was unconscious for a week. The cops only called my parents, and when I woke, they asked if I wanted them to call anyone. I told them, there was no one to call." I looked at Josh. I could tell he was hurt by that statement, so I changed the subject. "So you became a doctor?"

He softened. "Yeah, and I really do enjoy it, and now that my residency has finally finished I decided to change cities. I always have liked it here, so I am hoping I get the job."

"What are you applying for?"

"The ER. I don't want my own practice. I would ask what you ended up doing, but I know, because Peter talked about you when I first got here today, when I asked about all the laptops that were in the family room. He pulled me down to your home office and my mouth dropped open. So you are some computer guru? I knew you always loved computers, Drew, but shit you have turned your life over to them."

"Yeah something like that, I do enjoy the inner workings of a computer and code." What I didn't tell him was that I can't do much else. I'm not a big friend person; never have been. Josh was the social one in our relationship. The friends that I meet at the bar won't let me pull away from them. They were my friends from high school and have never let me turn in on myself.

The reason his mouth dropped open when he saw my home office, is because I really don't need to go into work to do my job. I have a home office that is just a step below what I have at work. I can remote in if I want to and never step a foot ever in the office. I did do that a lot before Pete moved in and was around during the daytime. I found it odd and couldn't concentrate, so I started going back to my desk at work.

We sat down on my bed and talked to one another for a while before Pete knocked on the door and opened it. "How do you two know one another?" Pete asked again.

"We met in the dorms our freshman year at Eastern," Josh responded.

"You called him 'Drew', why?"

Josh smiled and looked at me. "Because everyone called him Andrew or Andy and I wanted to be different so I called him Drew, not knowing at the time that his middle name was Drew. If anyone would dare call him that, he would correct them right away, but because we loved one another he allowed me."

"Oh my god, Andy was the guy you were love sick for after you graduated? Why couldn't you find him when you came back here?"

"Because of his accident: it was the week after graduation. Peter, can you please give us some alone time, please?" Pete's eyes widen and it made sense to him now.

"Yeah, sorry. I'll let you two talk."

God! Having Josh sitting there right in front of me is like the last ten years didn't happen. My heart was doing flip flops and I was trying to tell my heart and head that there is no way that he wanted anything but friendship from me. I was sure he had a boyfriend or someone to keep him warm at night. I debated about asking my next question. "Are you dating anyone?"

"No, haven't really had time." Oh shit there goes my heart. I can't do this. I needed to calm down and not show my feelings right there on my sleeve so he can squash them. "Medical school kicked my ass. Then during my residency I was working really long hours and weird days. No time for a boyfriend, but I can't say I didn't have sex with anyone."

"Well I would have hoped. It has been ten years," I chuckled. "Josh, I didn't think you would have been celibate all that time. It is not like we told each other to wait. We broke up."

"Yeah, I know, but Drew," he looked at his hands, "The reason that I wanted to move here is I was hoping that I could have found out where you went. I was hoping to find your parents and ask them. Drew, would it be possible to start over, if I get the job here?"

I looked down. It wasn't like I didn't want it. I just knew I couldn't. "It's not that I don't love you, Josh. I just don't want you in a sexless relationship. I know my back and I don't want you wanting something I can't give you."

"Drew, I don't care about that. I love you and never stopped." He took my hand in his. "Drew, no one has ever compared to you. It was weird luck that we found one another. Please don't push me away."

"Josh, let's not put the cart before the horse. You don't have the job yet."

We stayed in my bedroom for a long time talking that night. He still flung his arms around while talking, I always loved how much energy he had. I guess that is good for being a doctor. All I have to do is have the energy to sit in front of a monitor all day-boring for most, but I love it. We didn't even realize how much time passed until Pete knocked again and told us he was heading to bed. We looked at the clock, and Josh said he should go to bed as well, and left the room.