Self Therapy!

1

Hannah's Bar was a trendy, spacious high street club/live music venue between the city's popular nightclub spots and student bars. One damn good reason for me to feel out of place, at least while I was by myself.

I'd rushed into town and bypassed the possibility of food as I didn't want it getting in the way. Not that I wanted to be d***k but I wasn't here to drink all night, I was here to do something even more stupid and adolescent; something which didn't require swilling my brain with alcohol.

I got to Anna's Bar first, so nervous that I must have smoked four or five cigarettes in the hour that I waited at my table for Mikey to arrive. He sent me a message to tell me he would be arriving soon, so before finishing my first pint, I bought two more and settled them out in front of me.

Our table was in a quieter corner, by one of the front windows facing the street, and away from the speakers currently blasting out dance music. It was way too early for it. Few people filled the main bar but they were in groups, either sitting at other tables or standing in circles as the popular crowds did.

In all honesty I felt more scared than apprehensive although it wasn't as if I were meeting a total stranger and someone I didn't know by looks. If anything I was worried about being seen out with a stranger, someone nobody knew, at least in my circle. What if I bumped into a member of my own crowd?

I pushed the anxiety to the back of my mind and looked out the window at the street coming to life with weekend revellers, some of who were already too d***k to survive the evening...

'So are you going to daydream all night or is that pint for me?' I heard someone say and looked up immediately, practically yanked out of my own little reality.

He really hadn't changed at all, from what I could see. Still the same boyish looks, the same physique and the same stunning smile that had an effect on me like nothing else in this world. Yes, these were the thoughts of a 99% straight man at the time.

'Oh hi,' I said calmly so not to jump out of my own skin, 'glad you made it.'

I stood up and casually shook his hand, then offered him a friendly hug, slapping him lightly on the back of the shoulder, thinking how odd it probably felt to him as normal as it could possibly look to everybody else. I supposed after all that we were old friends in a sense and so why would it matter?!

'How are you?' he asked with his captivating smile only a matter of inches from me and I remembered feeling the same as I had felt when I had a crush on one of my school teachers. Whenever I would stand by her at her desk I would literally cringe on the inside for how much I wanted to grab onto her and just kiss her.

'I'm good, a little tired after work but that should wear off,' I explained briefly and invited him to sit down and drink with me.

He could have bounced off my reply in so many ways but he didn't and I was kind of glad. Never mind the fact we were meeting in public for one specific reason, an innuendo of any kind just wouldn't have been appropriate.

'So here we are,' I said and let the silence follow it since all he could do was look up at me with his lips pressed thirstily against the rim of the pint glass... 'Fuck me,' I added, with nothing else i could think worth saying. My mind had gone blank.

Mikey almost spluttered while drinking his lager, upon hearing me say those two words.

'You've been looking after yourself well,' he finally said, settling his glass down but not letting go.

'Thank you, and yourself,' I replied, 'you haven't aged at all!'

'Oh right?!' he responded, smiling and nodding as though my observation was a complete surprise to him. It seemed funny to me. I admired his modesty.

'So I was thinking, I haven't eaten. Have you?' I asked and he shook his head and whispered a 'No!'

'Do you want to go get something after a few drinks?' I asked and again he shook his head and whispered a negative. Though it seemed a game we were suddenly playing.

'I thought we could either get really shitfaced d***k until we have no idea what we're doing or we could play a little drinking game before heading out...'

'What type of drinking game and then heading out where?' Mikey asked.

'It's simple,' I said daringly, and secretly shocked that I had the balls to say it so soon, 'we get buzzed until one of us asks, 'your place or mine?''

'Bold,' Mikey laughed, raising an eyebrow to me and then his pint.

'Never too soon then?!' I assumed, laughing back under my breath.

'I'd have been happy with the one pint,' Mikey suddenly followed me up and my jaw dropped.

'Yeah but I need the courage,' I replied, ducking my head to swoop into my own drink as though dodging the laser beams that were shooting out at me from his eyes. They were captivating me. I was like a deer in the headlights suddenly after being so bold, as he put it.

'At least I know you're serious this time,' Mikey said briefly looking the other way and it suddenly occurred to me that the conversation was going the same way as one that might have happened between ex-boyfriend and girlfriend. I had to laugh.

'Did you just speak as if you got stood up or dumped?' I asked with a grin.

'Yes. I hate myself but don't change the subject,' he said in such a relaxed manner that I knew there were no hard feelings. Or were there?

'I had to grow up,' I replied simply, saying it as it were. 'I had no idea what I was doing.'

Mikey nodded, I guess understanding what I meant, his eyes studying the drink he was tending to as he thought to himself.

'You sounded like you knew what you wanted though,' he explained in hindsight. it f***ed me to think back.

Of course, I'd remembered selectively; all that I wanted to remember and none of what I had tried to forget.

'I always had a good imagination I guess. It was fun to talk about what I was thinking of,' I explained further, only in a more roundabout way that skated around the truth. What did he want from me? I'd already explained it as simply as I could.

'You did and you still do,' he said and I was relieved that the conversation lightened so quickly. The suspense had been killing me before he arrived. But did he know this? Could he imagine?

'And I still want now what I wanted then,' I added.

There was a long pause at the table then before I excused myself to visit the bathroom. The first drink had gone straight through me, no doubt as a result of having not eaten since lunchtime and then going straight through two lagers.

2

I was disgusted at myself having broken the seal so soon. I could see myself needing to piss every twenty minutes from then on, which socially wasn't the best way to be around someone you were trying to get laid with, no matter who they were.

I walked into the WC to be faced with a row of urinals at which only one young man stood - no doubt a student, I could tell by the way he dressed in his checkered farm boy shirt and cargo shorts - and before I was even picking my own spot, he was nodding his head at me and asking me, 'alrigh mate?'

He shook, zipped up, washed his hands and left without another word. In my mind, nothing had changed. I could have been sucking on a long hard cock dripping with come in the next half an hour. I could have had my knees up to my shoulders and that same hard cock buried balls deep in me. But I wasn't about to start talking to strangers with my dick out in a pub toilet.

By the time he had left, I was finished and washing my own hands; oddly to me, something I only did when I was dating a girl. Just then the door opened and I followed the reflection of the wall mirror over to the doorway where Mikey had entered. And before I knew what was happening he was pulling me into a toilet cubicle and locking the door behind him.

'You missed something when you said hello,' he told me and that was the moment I took his face in my hands and kissed him. His breathing became heavy almost instantly, his eyes half closed as though he was feeling the sudden effects of some d**g. He kissed back, grabbing hold of me and searching for the tip of my tongue with his.

'I could get addicted to that if we're not careful,' I said after pulling away gently.

'Well don't stop,' he almost begged before we heard the door creak open from within the stall. It hadn't occurred to us that our feet would both be visible beneath the cubicle walls but it didn't seem worth worrying about.

As Mikey's finger pressed his own lips shut, signalling me not to make a noise, I instead responded to my own new found instinct and pulled his finger away to quietly attack his lips with a slow lingering kiss. As I did, my right hand ran down the front of his jeans to find a tightened bulge where his excitement was becoming ever more apparent.

The sound of feet walking away and then the door opening and closing followed, but we didn't take it as a signal to leave. We should have. I wanted him more than I wanted my drinking game by now.

'Your place or mine,' Mikey asked.

'I could use another drink,' I suggested regardless, 'you're driving me mad.'

'We could smoke some green,' he counter-suggested, 'that'll get you relaxed enough.'

'Do you have any on you?' I asked and he shook his head. He had some in the flat though and there was his answer.

'Your place, then!' I said.