Matt and Liam, with Randy's blessing, head to the lake.
Thanks to LarryInSeattle for editing.
This is a pretty sedate chapter. I hope you enjoy it.
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"Pop, you're nuts. There's no way."
"Why?"
Matt has said nothing. I've discovered it is nearly impossible for me to tell what's going on behind those hazel eyes.
"Why? I need to work."
"What do you make a month?"
"After taxes, depending on overtime, twelve, maybe thirteen-hundred bucks."
"I can spot you that if you're right and they shit-can you, which I doubt 'cause you're the only one there without his head up his ass. If they don't fire you that means I'll pay you a month's salary for your two-week vacation, plus you'll have the two weeks' salary you'll make when you get back. That's works out to six weeks of pay for two weeks of work."."
"How are you going to give me twelve-hundred bucks?"
"Let me worry about that."
"I don't have a job but I'm supposed to be training," Matt offers. I've noticed that when he's being serious, the 'bro', 'brah', and 'dude' are dropped less frequently.
"There's a lake, beautiful lake, unless it's changed completely since I was there, which is possible. It's been more than twenty years. You can swim your ass off."
"Hmm, okay, cool, be tough to practice my turns, but okay." He looks at me with that damn expressionless face. "Why?"
"Why what?"
"Why should Liam and I take off and spend two weeks in a cabin you've paid for on a lake you remember going to as a kid? Why? Are you trying to get rid of me? You playing little Miss Matchmaker?"
"No, to both." I hold up my hand and he closes his mouth before I continue. "But, I do want you two to have a chance to be alone, sort things out, see how you feel." I turn to my son, knowing what he's about to say. "I am not playing the martyr. No one will be happier than me if you come back after two days hating each other's guts. What I am being, is realistic. The plain, simple, unalterable fact is, there are a lot of years separating my life from Matt's. Maybe that's not insurmountable but maybe it is. An objective look at the situation suggests that you two have a better chance, even if it is a long shot. You're both young and, speaking from personal experience, I'm not big on the odds of college romances lasting.
"I want, need, to give you two a chance before I'm too far gone to let you." I hadn't meant to make that confession; it just came out. There's nothing I can do about it now. "If you come back convinced there's no spark, no real interest, I'm happy to see what happens from there.
"This is important. To the extent possible, forget about me. I'm not being a martyr; don't either of you play that role. Don't make what happens between you two about me. If you do, if I, if all of us, can't trust that there's nothing between you, it will poison whatever Matt and I may find together."
"I'm not gonna compete with my own father over a date," Liam snaps.
"You're not. I'm not talking about a date and neither are you," I reply, keeping my voice even. If Liam gets his back up, this will never work. "I love you," I remind my son before turning to Matt. "And, I think there's more than an off chance I could grow to love you." I lean back and look at the two of them. "The two of you being happy together would hardly be the end of the world. Trust me; we need to know, or nothing else is going to work, not between Matt and I, or between you and I. And that would be the worse outcome, at least in my mind.
"Matt, bud, I truly don't want to put you in a position where you feel like you have to choose between Liam or me. On the other hand, I can't go forward, wondering if I'm choosing you over Liam's happiness."
No one speaks for a long time.
***
I was in a daze when I pulled into the driveway. The wetness in my pants made it clear what was looping over and over in my head had truly happened. If I had any doubts, I could watch it on Matt's phone. I sat in the truck, listening to the metallic clicks and clanks as the engine cooled.
"We should erase the video," I finally manage.
"What? No fucking way, bro. That shit is fucking hot, hot, hot."
"Perhaps, but at least the part in the truck, that has your face on it, maybe both our faces."
"So?"
"So, shit like that video has a way of wiggling its way out of your control, no matter how tightly you try to hold onto it. You already said you're not interested in everyone at State knowing you're gay. That shit on the internet might blow your cover don't you think?"
"I'm not sure I want to stay in the closet any longer," is his somewhat surprising reply. "Besides, who said anything about putting it on the internet, bro?"
I shrugged, trying, and apparently failing, to hide my unease.
"Are you fucking telling me you've posted shit on the 'net? Bitch, you are fucking full of surprises. Show me."
"I've only done it once and there's no way to tell it's me. Later, maybe, I'll show you. Too much to do today," was my reply to his question and request.
The rest of the day passed quickly. Liam had the rotted boards and the boards that needed to be trimmed off and waiting. It went faster than I had planned. We had the fence power washed before mid-afternoon. We were eating a late lunch when I sprang my request on them.
Cedar Lodge, on Cedar Lake, had been a favorite when I was a kid. We started going before I was old enough to really remember. After the old man disappeared, it was one of the few before-your-father-walked-out-on-us activities that continued. We always had the same cabin. Most years there were at least one or two families we'd remember from the year before. I got my first kiss sitting on the end of the dock from Janet. I don't know if I've forgotten her last name or never knew it. By the next summer, she acted as if I had a putrid bag of offal hanging around my neck. Even getting dissed by Janet, couldn't ruin Cedar Lodge for me. It took college, or more accurately, Mary Beth, to end Cedar Lodge for me.
That had been what I rummaged through the buffet drawer for earlier. The old Cedar Lodge brochure. It was still there. The phone number was unchanged. They had a small cabin available for two weeks, not right on the lake but an easy walk. I gave them my credit card number on the spot.
Now, late lunch over, all I had to do was to convince them.
***
Speech, and lunch, over, Randy excuses his self and leaves his son and Matt sitting amid a clutter of crumb strewn plates and empty milk glasses. Matt pushes his chair back, carries his plate and glass to the sink and begins to wash them. Liam methodically presses the tip of his right index finger to the crumbs on his plate. Satisfied he's scavenged the lot, he licks his fingertip clean. Matt, reaches around him and takes the plate and glass. He washes them and adds them to the dish drainer.
"I want to do it," he says turning and resting his butt against the counter. "Brah, does that make me a total D bag?"
