Feldspar just wanted to be alone. His cheeks and jaw hurt from plastering a smile on his face around his friends. He supposed he should be proud that he'd been so "mature" about Mal choosing Daniella over him. Even now they were likely praising him for being a "good friend" and "so understanding" simply because he'd never let on how badly Mal had hurt him. They were oblivious. He was tired of it all the way down to his bones.
He had made small talk and joked with them for just long enough to not raise suspicions, and then slipped away. He needed to be alone, and he knew just the place. His feet found the traces of a narrow trail that ran in fits and starts up a mountain. It had become his preferred place to hide when he needed to be alone. Other faeries had apparently never discovered the the track, and he had to pay close attention lest he get lost. He lost himself in the meditative work of scrambling over boulders and skirting the treacherous mountain trail, enjoying the distraction from his bitter thoughts.
At the summit he sat on a boulder and gazed over the breath-taking view below. A small crater lake was nestled in the mountaintop, completely still in the bright spring day. The brilliant cerulean blue water sparkled in the sun, contrasting brilliantly with the bright green and white aspen trees that bordered the lake. The gentle shushing of aspen leaves in the breeze filled the crater, creating an abiding stillness that called to Feldspar.
Now that he was alone, the vice around his heart opened a fraction of an inch. Feldspar let out a shuddering breath. He had to let go of Mal. He knew this. He inhaled the crisp, high-altitude air of the mountaintop. He imagined the hot, dry air filling the massive hole in his heart with warmth and life. He let out another breath that was more of a sigh. Pain still constricted his heart. His roommate Nephrite would be disappointed in how perfunctory his mindfulness practice was. As far as he was concerned, you wouldn't do breath exercises to heal a broken leg, and a broken heart was even worse.
He hiked down into the crater. When all else failed, changing one pain for another worked. He would work his body until it screamed, drowning out the painful thoughts that plagued him.
He stripped at the edge of the lake, leaving his clothes haphazardly on a rock. He dove into the lake from the rock, giving himself no time to brace for the ice-cold impact. The shock of the snowmelt lake jagged through his sun-warmed body like lightning. It was dark at the bottom of the lake, like the deep depths of Mal's eyes. He squeezed his eyes shut and mentally berated himself. He didn't want to think about Mal anymore.
Feldspar kicked back up to the surface and broke into a smooth freestyle stroke. He focused on counting his breaths and pushing his body at a grueling pace, trying to keep the thoughts out. Still, he got caught in a memory of body surfing some rapids with Mal years before. They'd laughed the entire time despite getting battered by the swiftly flowing river. That had been the first night Gneiss had invited Mal into their bed and the memory still thrilled him. Gneiss had ridden him hard that night. She had said there was no reason to go easy on his bruised body since he was obviously a glutton for pain. Mal had fed Feldspar his cock while Gneiss took her pleasure, and had come all over his face. He could still almost taste Mal's smoky, evergreen scent.
Feldspar grunted as he forced himself to swim faster, to push the memories away. The last thing he needed was to obsess again over how perfectly Mal had played to his submissive streak. The memories only made him ache more for what he'd lost. He needed to accept that he and Mal were friends. Mal loved Daniella and didn't want any other lovers. He knew this. Still his stupid heart wouldn't let go.
After twenty laps across the lake his lungs were burning and his limbs were trembling with fatigue. When he could swim no more Feldspar floated on his back, letting the sun soothe his sore muscles. He body hummed on the edge between painful exhaustion and endorphin-fueled bliss. His mind was finally empty and at peace. He floated there, staring at the sky, thinking about nothing at all. When his body felt capable of moving again he swam slowly back to shore.
When he got back to the bank he was surprised to find he wasn't alone. Silver was sunning himself on a large, flat rock just off the shore. His short silver hair was tousled and wet. Water beaded over his slightly silver-tinged nude body.
Feldspar blanched, wondering when the other faery had appeared. He hadn't seen or heard him, but judging from the water sliding down his body, he must have been swimming too. Feldspar's heart did a strange hiccup. It was just his luck that the faery who happened to catch him here was.... Complicated. Silver had been the first of Gneiss' parade of men she'd brought into their bed in hopes of shaking him out of his post-Mal depression.
Memories of the last time he'd seen Silver flashed through his mind like confetti in a hurricane. He sucked in a breath as his stomach spasmed. The memory of that night was usually something he shoved deep, deep down inside where he wouldn't have to think about it.
That was the night they'd all toasted to Daniella and Mal's love. He'd been proud of himself for fooling everyone into believing he was happy for them. He'd even made a toast welcoming Daniella into their little family. Then he'd drunk himself into a stupor.
Gneiss had gone off and found Silver and the three of them had fucked. Stars, how they'd fucked. The memory was patchy, just images of plowing into Silver's tight heat, sucking Silver's hard dick, kissing him, his tongue twining with Feldspar's. It had been incredible. Gneiss had been her usual dominant self, but it had been completely different from when they had threesomes with Mal, who was also strongly dominant. Silver went both ways and had a sweet streak a mile wide. A blush crept up Feldspar's chest.
