Feldspar leaned his forehead against his front door and squeezed his eyes shut. His body was practically vibrating with currents of happiness. The feeling of holding Silver's hand under the table all night still had him reeling. He played back every time Silver had turned to him as he laughed, wanting to share the joke. He relished every tiny flick of Silver's eyes in irony, and the way he'd twitched his lips at Feldspar every now and then in a snarky smile only he would recognize. Feldspar sucked in a shaky breath. It had really been a perfect night, and his body was hard and wanting after the goodnight kiss Silver had given him. He missed him already and it had only been two minutes since he'd left.
Feldspar heard Gneiss and Nephrite starting up the ladder to the bedrooms. Reluctantly he pulled himself upright and turned away from the door. As he stepped onto the bottom rung of the ladder, Gneiss poked her head out from the first landing, her face screwed up.
"What are you doing?" she said, exasperated.
"Going to bed?" Feldspar craned his neck up to return her look of irritation. It was late, he'd been on his feet in the kitchen all afternoon, and he was emotionally and physically drained.
"Neph!" Gneiss called. Nephrite responded from the level above them. A moment later she poked her head out and looked down the ladder.
"Oh! What you are you doing here?" Nephrite said to Feldspar, her light voice full of exaggerated shock.
Feldspar sighed and shifted his gaze back to Gneiss. He wasn't in the mood to play guessing games with them about where they thought he should be. They were spoiling the lingering effects of the high from his night with Silver. "Where else would I be? I live here," Feldspar said dryly.
Gneiss scoffed. "Where indeed, Feldspar? Let me ask you something. When was the last time you cried yourself to sleep?"
Feldspar's shoulders hunched defensively and he ducked his gaze.
"You do not know, do you," Gneiss said. "Silver is kind and talented and he makes you smile. We cannot help but see how much joy he brings into your life. Was there a single thing tonight that did not go well with him? He was sweet and patient and supportive. He is a genius in the kitchen, he's interesting and funny, and he likes you, Fel. You should see the way he looks at you when he believes nobody is looking."
"It's very sweet," Nephrite cut in.
"He looks like he wants to eat you alive," Gneiss corrected her peevishly. "That man wants you terribly. What would possess you to hold him at arms length?"
Feldspar mutely shook his head. His eyes stung and he blinked to clear them. She had no right to comment on his choices. She was part of the reason he was hesitant to move forward with Silver. He sucked in a breath, trying to control his irritation. He could feel Gneiss' eyes on him as he tried to control his temper.
"Feldspar, I never knew you to be a coward and yet here we are," she said coolly.
"Gneiss, you are speaking out of turn and you lost that right long ago," Feldspar snapped.
"Silver is perfect for you. If you let him pass you by you will regret it," she said in a tone that passed for gentle coming from her.
Feldspar grunted in response as he passed the bedroom he had often shared with her in the past and made it to his own one floor above. Gneiss's words echoed in his head as he did the bare minimum to ready himself for bed. The bathing room was below in Gneiss's suite and he didn't want a bath enough to give Gneiss another chance at lecturing him.
He stripped and crawled into bed. He sighed and turned over, pulling a pillow into his arms to snuggle. The aroma of garlic and herbs clung to his hands and sent a rush of longing for Silver through him. It was close but not quite Silver's musky rosemary scent, and it only made him want him more. He closed his eyes and their goodnight kiss filled his mind. He had been enveloped in the taste of Silver's mouth and the fresh scent of his skin. He could almost feel an afterglow of pleasure from Silver's hands pulling him close as they kissed. Feldspar yearned to explore every inch of that hard body. Instead he had sent Silver home.
He flopped on his back, frustrated. His hand drifted to his lower stomach and he rubbed himself absently. His body was still warm and tingly from the kiss. He imagined teasing Silver until he submitted and begged him to finish. Or maybe it would be even better if Silver was in control. His eyes drifted shut as he tried to lose himself in his own touch.
Then he remembered the slightly defeated slump of Silver's shoulders as he'd left. Feldspar's eyes snapped open as his chest tightened in anxiety. He curled up on his side. He needed to stop thinking about Silver. Everything would be better in the light of day. Feldspar forced his mind toward visualizing a complex series of fighting stances in time with his breathing. The exercise required all his attention as he envisioned each step and feint in sequence while counting his breaths. Still, on his second run through the exercise Gneiss' warning popped into his head.