Sin Deep Loathing

Adrian didn't kick my ass that night. He just glared at me with pure hatred and told me he needed that job more than anything and if he lost it because of me, he'd never forgive me.

Was it my fault if he was stupid enough to fuck his boss! Everyone and their grandma knew it was one of the worst ideas one could have. I would at least admit I'd understand his anger if it was because of my peeping around. It was wildly inappropriate of me and I was a bit ashamed of what I did. It's not even like Adrian was particularly attractive to me.

Adrian didn't lose his job, but he was still mad at me. But when wasn't he mad at me after all? Micha was coming back soon anyway.

I got called back by the company which was looking for a new accountant. They were impressed by my resume and wanted me to join their rank. Finally, some uplifting in all this tragedy that has been my life the last month. The job paid well, I could get a comfortable apartment with that. I planned the rest of my week before Micha's return in apartment searching. It shouldn't be an epic quest and I still had mom has a safety net if I didn't find in time.

I visited a couple of apartments, none of them were really perfect but to be fair with the deadline of Micha coming back, I wasn't going to be too picky. I did find something cute in the same neighborhood, twenty minutes away from my new job. Decently priced, a good spacious bedroom in a brand new building so everything was clean, I felt like I found my new home.

***

Micha came back. As expected. His father died two weeks ago but he stayed a little longer to comfort his mother and help her manage the inheritance. He was a little gloom when we met again, which I could understand. He was far from close to his father but it was still tragic.

Micha was an old friend of mine I knew since forever and with whom I shared a room in college. He was a short skinny guy with an incredible mass of red curly hair on top of his head that sometimes fell back on his heavily freckled face. He was a bit of a lady killer because of his musical talent, his instrument was violin with which he made a philharmonic career but that didn't stop him from cranking a guitar at parties and play some tune that'd get the girls fawning over him.

We marked his comeback by taking coffee together down the street. It was freezing outside, the warmth of the coffee was more than welcomed. He looked quite lost in his thoughts.

"Are you going to be alright?" I asked him.

"Am I?" He repeated in a chuckle while still looking behind me. "Sure, it wasn't easy but life goes on, doesn't it? Moments like that really make you feel fragile, people today die in their ninety so seeing him go so soon it's, gut-wrenching, makes you wonder if genetics will get you before your time."

I found Micha quite melodramatic here, sure his father was only in his fifties when his liver decided to turn on him but he's always been a heavy drinker and a heavier smoker. I remember him making me drink my first beer at fifteen as I was staying over at their place during most of the summer. His deteriorating health was to be expected. Never really liked the guy anyway.

"You're going to live a hundred years and then a hundred more," I said.

"Let's hope the future won't make you a liar," he said getting back his attention to me with a slightly warmer tone. "How did it go with Adrian?"

"The dude is a real piece of shit," I said bitterly.

Micha burst out laughing. "He said the exact same thing about you, he didn't want to go in details though, what happened between you two?"

I had back in mind the image of Adrian on his knees pleasuring his boss. It felt a little unreal rethinking about it, he was like a whole other person. I was debating telling Micha, it wasn't very class to share about other sex life's as a form of gossip but to be fair, Adrian wasn't very class either. Maybe I just wanted a little revenge.

"He's just a dick, he got a nasty attitude, but mainly he's mad at me because I jinxed it with his sugar daddy," I presented, getting irritated just thinking about our quarrels again.

"His sugar daddy?" Micha asked perplexed.

I took a sip of coffee to let out a little of suspense. "He's fucking his boss."

The reaction I was expecting from Micha was different from the concerned frown he was giving me. "Oh that's strange, he hates the guy, are you sure about that?"

"Saw them at it with my own two eyes, he told me himself it was his boss," I kept on with a cocky smile.

"That sounds concerning," Micha said thoughtfully, "I should talk about it with him."

Oh no, what? Adrian didn't need to know I shared his little secret around, I was most likely signed for an ass-kicking next time we'd see each other. Hopefully never. "Well that's his life, isn't it? Just let live," I chuckled nervously.

"He's my friend and I'm concerned about him, I think he's engaging in some unhealthy stuff," Micha said dryly.

I wasn't so proud of my gossiping now that it got Micha worried, truth was I really didn't care what sort of wacky troubles Adrian got himself into, but I cared a lot about Micha's opinion of me.

***

Josh was in the past, my ego was healed from the Luka fiasco and I had my own place. I needed a man. I just didn't like being single, having a boyfriend meant having at least one person available to give me attention and take my bullshit.

I revived my old tinder profile, Grindr as well if I got an itch but I was fine with not hooking up for now. I just had to update my pictures and here I was back on the wonderful meat market of dating.

Tinder swiping was a nice shallow and brainless activity to which I could spend an evening on. I had my music blasting in the apartment, lying on the old familial couch mom gave me, sipping some white wine and looking at a bunch of mediocre to almost-hot guys. La dolce vita.

Fucking Adrian. I really didn't picture the guy as the type using Tinder. He looked almost unrecognizable on his profile picture, he had a laughing grin that was enlightening his face, looking off the frame, the dark night background behind him made him pop out. Almost looked like someone bearable to talk to. I was about to swipe left on him but I was taken by curiosity. Couldn't hurt checking his profile.

Local friendly -yeah right friendly- anarchist Russian Jew.

Makes music sometimes but really just vibing.

Down for whatever.

No one from business schools.

Hey! I went to business school!

I looked at his other pictures for the kick of it. A pic taken from a party where he was standing out from the crowd, about to grab back the cigarette he was taking a drag on, even without a smile, his face had a playful cockiness to it.

The last one got my mouth wide agape. Hair, on his head. And far from short. He was looking at the camera playfully, his hair a bit messy in big silky brown curls down to his shoulder. I had to admit, if it was his first picture I wouldn't have recognized him and immediately swept right. I couldn't deny, he looked attractive. I guess he did have a nice face with some sharp bone structure and pouty lips, but it was all ruined by his dumb hardcore look and his nasty attitude.

I felt disturbed, my eyes locked into his in this image. Fuck you Adrian for making me find you hot. I swept back to his first pic to cleanse my mind but now all I could see was how sharp his cheekbones looked.

Whatever.

***

I was surprised when Micha transferred to me the invitation to a party at Dasja's place. That she liked me I could understand, but I couldn't believe she wasn't aware of my feud with her friend. She came across as someone who liked when everyone got along, I at least hoped she wasn't trying to force a friendship.

Dasja lived with her girlfriend Jack and two other girls whose names I forgot because the apartment was pretty packed. I didn't really bother remembering the names of anyone past those I already knew. Ben was here but not Luka, I wondered for a second if Adrian told them about the volatile crush I had because Ben was glaring at me.

Micha knew a little more people than me so I generally stayed with him. He didn't seem to mind, he even asked me to follow him at some point when he was looking for weed. We shared a joint, I thought how it was sad we didn't hang out together as much as during college.

I couldn't help but keep my eyes on Adrian when I found out where he was. He gave me the stink eye as soon as he noticed. The memory of his face looking all soft with those loose curls and the one of him sucking dick kind of blended and made his harsh glare a tad less intimidating.

As I got out of the toilets, I was immediately faced by Adrian. Shit.

"What do you want?" I asked nervously.

"I'm giving you an opportunity to apologize," he said in a rather calm tone.

"I don't see what I have to apologize for," I said defensively.

"So you don't see any problem in invading my privacy by purposely spying on me having sex and then telling Micha about it without thinking I may have not wanted this information shared?"

I was livid. I hated that a guy who threatened me in irrational rage sometimes earlier could be correct in my wrongdoings.

"I, I'm sorry, that was dumb of me, I should have let you your privacy with your boyfriend," I said hesitantly.

"Ew he's not my boyfriend, I have some tastes," Adrian said, "I accept the apology though, you're still an asshole." He had the slightest smile when saying that.

"I guess we won't change each other minds on that," I said.

"Micha's trying very hard, hence me talking to you right now, for his sake." I felt him more casual than expected. I didn't even really consider Micha in all this, he told me Adrian was his friend but I didn't make much of it. Was it that important I get along with that dude? Enough for Micha to have convinced Adrian to try to create a bridge. It'd feel almost humiliating if that brute could make an effort and not me.

"For his sake," I repeated.

***

Micha gracefully offered me a ride home. With that single joint and just a beer I wasn't too worried about Micha taking back the wheel, but he seemed distracted. I kept eyeing at him during the rather silent ride. Even when he parked near my building, he looked like he was spacing out.

"I need to tell you something," Micha said as I was pulling off my seat belt.

"I'm listening?"

"Being away and having some time for myself last month, I took the occasion to think about some stuff, I wish I could have discussed it with you a little but I had my reasons not to," he said while barely looking at me.

"Still no idea what you're talking about," I said trying to keep a serious face but couldn't help cracking a little smile.

"I've been questioning my sexuality lately, well for long actually but I used to be able to push my feelings on the side because they were kind of scaring me and when you mainly hang out with straight guys you don't really have the opportunity to explore that safely," he said in an anxious tone.

"I'm here, I could have helped you out in sorting out your feelings," I said trying to be reassuring.

"I know Ken but you were like, my one gay friend, I felt weird using you to deal with sexuality bullshit," he sighed, "but since hanging out with Adrian and his queer friends, it just opened a new world to me."

I felt a little bitter that Micha, my oldest friend, only felt comfortable questioning his feelings because of Adrian.

"I know I like girls, I think it made it easier conceal the rest because I could at least relate to my straight friends to an extent, but being able to meet and talk with bi guys it was so different." Micha's voice was clearer and more comfortable as he said that. "They made me realize it was pretty normal for attraction towards women or men to feel different and the way they were talking and joking about sex, I could relate more than with any of my straight friends even though I-"

Micha paused and looked at me with a bit of a worried expression. "I never had any experience with men."

"I knew I was gay way long before getting my first boyfriend," I told him, "if you feel like you're bisexual I don't think your lack of experience make you less so."

"I do want that experience, I've been getting more and more interested in it and more comfortable exploring things on my own through fantasies and porn, but I'm-" Micha let out a groan of frustration, "God it's so stupid, but like I'm very intimidated about the idea of getting it on with a guy because I've never done anything and being initiated by a stranger is not something I want, so I just have that yearning..."

"You could try to engage in casual dating without sex, to test the water," I said.

"Ken, I want to explore it with you." Micha looked slightly fearful after dropping that bomb on me. For a couple of seconds, I forgot how to breathe, less even talk. I felt lightheaded, Micha putting his whole trust into me, what was I supposed to do?

***

I felt him understandably nervous as he followed me to my apartment. I was as well to be fair. I got his coat to put it on the coat hanger, he looked around the living room.

"Your new place is pretty nice," he said.

"Yeah, good thing I found it so fast."

We looked at each other across the room, I think both unsure of what we were supposed to do.

"Do you want coffee?" I asked him.

"No, I'm fine, I don't really want to drink anything now," he said while looking at the floor, his hand shoved in his jeans pockets.

I approached Micha, I put on a single hand on his chest to test the water, I presume. He didn't say anything but I could sense his breathing slightly changing. my lips got closer to him, he let me do, opening just a little his mouth and closing his eyes.

Micha put his hands on my hips as I kissed him, one of them made their way up to my back in a gentle caress to reach my hair. He grabbed it without pain to pull me just a little closer to him. I was just slightly bigger than him, I felt even more nervous afraid of scaring him off at some point.

"Wow," he chuckled after cutting our kiss.

This reaction slightly reassured me. "Do you wanna move to my bedroom?"

Things still felt a little stiff and awkward as we made out on my bed. I blamed our long friendship that made the experience kind of strange, after all, I never considered doing that with Micha before this very same day. I was enjoying it though, I truly was.

He let me go on top of him, he didn't want to let go of my lips. Slowly his hands went underneath my polo, I helped him remove it.

"Are there things you wanted to try in particular?" I asked him.

"Kinda, I just feel like going with the flow right now though, take things slowly."

Micha removed his shirt as well. He had a frail almost adolescent chest if not for the seldom bright ginger hair on it. His skin felt silky under my lips, it was so enjoyable covering his body in kisses. While giving his nipples some love, my left hand made its way to his crotch and palmed a pretty flattering erection.

I unbuttoned his jeans and pulled on them, he looked at me while chewing on his lower lips while I was descending his body in a trail of kisses. His cock was tightly packed in his boxer briefs, ready to jump out at any moment. I closed my eyes to appreciate fully pressing my lips against this hard out shape in his underwear.

"I feel kinda dumb," he said. I inquired him to continue with a look of surprise. "I thought my experimentation with a man I'd be trying out what it's like touching a guy but you're the one doing all the work." He paused for just a second. "And, I'm loving it."

"If you're loving it, where's the problem?" I said, slowly pulling on his underwear.

"I guess there's none, please go on."

I've seen Micha's cock a couple time in innocent platonic context and never really thought much of it. It was rather average if not just slightly curving to the left, but I found it so sexy looking when so close to my face.

Micha let out an encouraging moan as I licked his shaft slowly, enjoying this taste I hadn't for too long. Man, it was every time I had the occasion to suck cock I was fully realizing how much I missed it. This moment made no exception. He got a hand into my hair, nothing really forceful, he let his fingers pet it more than anything.

I knew it was far from the first blowjob he got and I didn't know if it made it any more special because I was a man, but I wanted to make it special for him. I just wanted my good friend to have a good time. We kept giving each other shy looks as I took him into my mouth, I had to embrace I wasn't going to make it feel any less strange.

He was getting much harder, so much it was difficult to fit him into my mouth. I relaxed my muscles and slowly worked into getting him in my throat, when his head slid inside it he bucked his hips in surprise.

"Oh fuck baby," he whimpered. I looked up to him, he seemed a bit embarrassed. "Oh sorry, was the pet name too much?"

"It's pretty intimate but if you're fine with it, I'm fine with it," I chuckled.

"Baby," he repeated slowly while caressing my face, "I love how you suck my dick."

I wasn't actually so sure how I felt about being called baby by Micha, it wasn't unpleasant to be fair. I just only really engaged in that type of thing with boyfriends.

I took back his cock in my throat, delighted by the moaning Micha was giving me. We used to be roommates so it wasn't like I never heard him in those kinds of moments but it's always special when you're the one causing it. I fondled gently his balls, feeling them tighten sometimes when I got him all the way into my throat.

"Can I cum inside your mouth?" he asked out of breath.

"Sure, go on," I told him.

Micha squirmed around, bucking his hips to the movement of my blowjob, clearly on verge. I sped the pace with a clear objective in mind, I was ready to take his cum. In a powerful groan, he filled my mouth with his warm semen, I let it roll around my palate, it's been so long.

To my surprise, Micha grabbed my face and pulled me into a passionate kiss, my mouth still filled with his cum. We kissed for long minutes, sharing this bittersweet treat.

"It was amazing Ken," he said shyly, "I knew you'd make it a great experience."

It was decided Micha would stay sleeping at my place. I cuddled with him which felt a bit strange but after all I did suck his dick that exact same night. He was caressing my chest as we were getting in a sleepy embrace.

"You know Ken," he said in a quiet voice, "maybe there's a reason I wanted it to be you tonight."

"Do tell?"

"Well maybe, maybe I've been having a little crush on you, for a little while," he said, his voice getting quieter and quieter.

I took a minute to consider what answering to that would imply. Rejecting him meant either losing my friend forever or at least make things very awkward between us since that sex didn't count for nothing. But, if I lied and told him I had the exact same feelings, that meant maybe, Micha, sweet and handsome Micha, talented Micha who always pursued his dream, he could be my boyfriend.

***

I forgot how dreamy the first weeks of dating a new guy could be. We didn't even do much, sometimes he would get me to eat out at his favorite places or we'd go see dumb artsy movies and make fun of them all the way home. But mostly we hang out at my apartment, smoked pot then had sex.

He wasn't ready yet to let me fuck him, he found the idea too stressful as he had never done any kind of anal play on himself. He loved fucking me though, and he was doing it pretty well. His blowjob skills on the other side, well he certainly lacked practice but I enjoyed his enthusiasm.

Through the day I tried to ease him a little into the idea of getting fucked, I first put the idea of fingering him while I was sucking his dick on the table. He was a bit reluctant at first until one night asked me to try it out. I made him discover prostate stimulation and I never got him to moan that hard before, I was pretty proud of myself to be fair.