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Did you ever go to school with someone who grew up to be famous? I did. Two people in fact - Warren and Wesley Harding. Mate, if you haven't heard of them by now you've been living under a rock. The Gay Incest Twins taking the world by storm right now - on every magazine and current affairs show.
So mad. Used to play five-a-side football with them all the time. Never understood why they never had girlfriends, could have taken their pick of the foxes and babes. Now we know. The sexy fuckers have been porking each other all along.
If you told me they'd be famous, I'd have believed you no trouble. Both identically handsome and funny and talented. But I would have never guessed they were gay for each other. They both seemed so normal and regular like. I mean, imagine it - two brothers, twins, sucking on each other's dicks, tasting the drips of precum and loving it.
They don't give a fuck, bruv! They're shouting it from the rooftops. TikTok, Twitter. Wesley's even starting a fucking podcast - all about gay incest pride. What he's calling the big civil rights issue of our time. Insane, right?
I saw the whole thing kick off - been there from day one. Out of nowhere one night I seen a big status update on Facebook,
Wesley Harding is in a relationship with Warren Harding.
I laughed out loud when I saw it. Everyone did. Just thought it was joke, and we all piled in with hilarious one-liners and stupid remarks. But Wesley was online responding to the meanest comments, saying,
"It's not a joke, Dickhead,"
An hour later he'd uploaded a whole stack of photos of them kissing, hugging, getting close and looking fucking happy it has to be said. The pictures had obviously been taken over a long period of time, different hair, different locations. Irrefutable proof, but it still seemed ridiculous and no-one wanted to believe it, so we kept on taking the piss.
Finally Warren chipped in,
"We're boyfriends, deal with it."
Some of the lads got nasty, leaving vile comments and just being plain abusive. Coming-out would have been bad enough, but the whole twin thing sent the haters over the edge.
Soon nice girls were getting involved, commenting,
"Love is love," and things like that, telling the boys to back off.
I didn't know what to think! I saw Warren outside the Iceland shop were he works, toking a cheeky blunt on his break, and had to ask,
"It's just a big joke tho, right?" I dared to mumble, scratching my head.
"No mate, it's real," he heaved peevishly, looking fit in his work polo, and I knew it was true.
"Fair play mate, love is love right?" I smiled nervously, repeating that phrase the girls used, and I hopped back on my bike.
Then I couldn't stop thinking about it. I thought it was dead wrong and they shouldn't be doing it, but it also gave me an uncomfortable boner. I'm not even gay, I've been dating Bryony for two and half years, but the thought of the Harding Boys getting dirty like that was kind of messing with my mind.
I'd check every Instagram story Wesley posted. He was getting really vocal and belligerent about dating Warren, making aggressive slogans and memes,
"Gay incest is lit."
It was political.
I was already following Wesley's TikTok, we all were. The twins used to make funny vids, just larking about, but now it was a platform for him to fight his corner. A bunch of announcements followed, declaring that this was now a Gay Incest Pride TikTok,
"We're twin brothers, we fuck, we're in love, and we want the world to know about it. I'm building a n online community around gay incest. Hit me up with your questions and comments, this is a safe space for your gay incest truth. Lets take it to the streets Lads!"
If he lost a few subs at first, it didn't matter. A dozen, then a hundred, later a thousand all came for the incest content. So many Lads looking to get involved! Who knew there was so much of it going on behind closed doors? Wesley was fast becoming a hero to every anxious little cake-boy with a crush on his own Brother or his Dad.
Between the haters and trolls, Wesley got tons of questions in the comments. He started reading them out and responding on video,
"What do your parents think about you and your brother? My Big Brother's got a girlfriend, but he lets me suck his dick sometimes. I think I'm in love with him, wish I was his boyfriend, but I know he'd beat the crap out of me if I told him."
And like a professional Agony Aunt, he'd respond with something inspiring,
"Worrying what your parents think is the biggest obstacle to living your best life. Every gay boy knows the fear of coming out, but the thought of coming out Gay Incest is enough to silence anyone.
"Imagine if it was no big deal. How is it any different from any other gay relationship? But we're taught from childhood that it's evil and wrong, and your Bro has to cover for it with a phoney girlfriend.
"I swear all boys everywhere would prefer gay incest if they could get it. No jokes.
"Seriously tho, I'm in a luckier position than most. My parents aren't even in the country. They live back home in South Africa, and I haven't told them about it yet. I guess they could find out anytime now that I'm all over the internet, but what are they gonna do?
"Basically, all the gay incest lads watching this, you have my full support. I know how hard this is, but we must fight. That's why I'm doing this. I know I'm in a lucky place, so I'm using this platform to blaze a trail.
"Imagine 25 years from now and gay incest is perfectly normal? You could kiss your Uncle in the street, or hold hands with your brother in the supermarket. You wouldn't lose your family or friends. You wouldn't lose your job. That's the dream. Believe. Peace. Over and out."
Listening to this stuff everyday got me questioning myself. I've got a cousin, Graham... he's a good-looking fella, but did I really fancy him? Would I ever really suck his dick? I'd have a shameful wank about it in the shower each morning where Bryony couldn't see.
Wesley responded to more questions in his comments,