Through the Looking Glass: A Nerd in the Weight Room
On a normal day, I would wake up by 7:00 AM to be out the door by 7:30 for first period bell at 8:05. I had my routine down to a strict science. 7 minute shower, 3 minutes dressing, 1 minute on hair, 4 to pack my bags and the rest at the kitchen table inhaling whatever was available before jumping in my Camry and speeding to the highway.
So when I woke at 5:47 AM that first Monday back at school after winter break in Boston, completely energized as if I'd slept for a year, no one was more surprised to see me nearly skip down the hall to the bathroom than my early-rising mother.
"David? Are you okay? Are you sick? What are you doing up so early?"
She seemed concerned, already put together and dressed for her day teaching 5th Grade Computer Science at the public elementary school.
"I'm fine, Mamma. Just couldn't sleep," I said.
She raised her eyebrows in the way mother's do when they can sense something is different but don't want to wade into the treacherous teenage rapids too deeply without sussing out more information. I closed the bathroom door on her bewildered expression and started the shower.
I still don't know what I found to occupy the time. My shower was luxuriously long, until it was ended by the vigorous knocking of my little sister. I spent more time picking out my outfit for the day than I had if you'd combined the entire amount for the academic year thus far. I even snuck into Mamma's bathroom and "borrowed" a little hair product, something that purported to tame fly aways, whatever those were, and ran it through my blonde hair.
I obsessed over my visage in the mirror for longer than I'd like to admit, completely engrossed in making myself look my absolute best. I was decently satisfied with my results by 7:15, though still a mix of insecurity and anxiety not uncommon before one jumps from an airplane. Or so I've been told.
My sister made some snarky comment from her permanent residence slouched into the couch. Something about street walkers and the futility of human connection. I was actually looking forward to the day she would begin to transform into something resembling normal.
"Eat a dick, Virginia Woolfe," I said with as much love as I could muster for my closest genetic counterpart, and ran to my car.
"That's more your department, isn't it?" she quipped.
As an academic scholarship student, I was in every possible Advanced Placement course. And there were a lot of them. In my entire High School career, I had only ever taken 5 non AP courses. My entire senior year was APs.
Daniel, as a full-tuition-paying athlete, only had two AP classes, both of which he had with me: AP Chemistry and AP English Literature. Chemistry was not my strong suit, but English Lit I could pass in my sleep. Having a teacher for a mother meant that reading the classics had been compulsory. I was buried in Jane Eyre when my contemporaries were just discovering the Babysitter's Club and The Hardy Boys.
I was distracted through my first and second period classes, only raising my hand occasionally. I took the assigned homework and left without my usual after-class chat with the teachers. Ms. Diggs, AP Anatomy and Physiology, actually seemed hurt that I didn't stay behind after the bell released us to head to our third period, the last before Senior Lunch.
To get to my third period, I had to walk from the main Upper School building across the vast expanse of lawn to the smaller Annex, a collection of classrooms laid out in a double-cross formation with a central seating area and a small fountain. As usual, the benches were occupied by various affluent caucasian kids of various ages, their eyes darting around them, their heads bowed in semi-private conversations as they gossiped about their best friends and worst enemies with equal relish. I paid them no mind and propped myself against one of the bare trees in the corner of small courtyard to wait for the third period bell. I pulled my "pleasure read" from my backpack and began to scan the lines without really taking them in.
A disturbance at the very edge of my vision pulled my gaze up. The crowds of kids seemed to be parting to either side of the sidewalk, making a small central aisle down which walked the school royalty. If there had been wind machines and slow motion cameras, they wouldn't have seemed out of place.
At the center of the pack was Amy. Arrayed behind her in order of apparent importance were the remainder of the "party of five," as they so wittily dubbed themselves: Ashley, Ally, Amanda, and Katie. I always felt a little sorry for Katie, what with the "K" name ruining the complete alliteration possibility. We had an Adrienne in our grade, but I never quite figured out why she didn't make the team. Poor Katie was also the only Junior, having been held back after a disastrous case of mono which never seemed to heal the year before, most likely due to her inability to keep her mouth to herself and well documented penchant for football players. She'd never been able to catch up. At least there was a small hope that she could become queen next year and align the K names behind her throne from the crop of junior girls dying to move up the social ladder.
Daniel walked a few paces behind Amy, a deep green winter jacket doing little to cover his shoulders and chest, his blue jeans clinging to his thighs. Knowing what lay under those jeans now made me thankful that us Seniors were allowed to wear casual clothes and didn't have to stick to the loose Khakis and white button downs the rest of the students were forced into. Several of his jock teammates followed behind the main triangle. I wasn't sure who was attached to which girl, if at all, but they made a veritable wall of testosterone behind the Queen Bee and her court that few would have been able to cross. Certainly not me.
Daniel's eyes met mine for a second and his mouth curved up in a slight smile. I tried not to, but I returned the gesture.
Amy had stopped the group to remove an underclassman from his seat on one of the nearby benches. He'd scampered away without comment and she plopped herself down as if by divine right, and motioned for Daniel to sit beside her.
"Just a sec," I heard him say as he placed his book bag in the place she'd indicated.
He walked towards me, pushing his hands in his jacket pockets. My eyes must have gone wide with terror because he seemed concerned as he approached me, still leaning on my tree.
"Jeeze, Nerd. You look like you're going to have a heart attack. Breathe, dude!"
I released a breath I hadn't realized I'd been holding since he began walking towards me. I silently thanked him for the reminder to remain alive.
"Sorry," I mumbled and looked at my feet as they shifted nervously in the dirt beneath me.
"Don't apologize," he said. His hands were still in his pockets but my skin began to tingle with the hope that he would reach out and touch me. I knew he never would, never could, but I wanted him to nonetheless. "I just wanted to make sure you got home okay last night? You never responded to my last text."
He winked at me.
I looked around to see if anyone had noticed my jaw fall to my chest. Daniel was actually hinting at...whatever it was we had done. I moved my mouth but no sound came out.
"I take it you liked it, then?"
I nodded too quickly.
"Mmhmm."
"Good. My older brother nearly caught me with it all the way in. It was crazy!"
No sound. No words. Hard to breathe. Was that the sound of harps strumming gently in the distance?
"Anyway, glad you liked it. See you in fourth period?" He raised his eyebrows at me in question, as if he was unsure if I would be there, like I would try to escape campus between now and then in order to avoid him entirely.
"See you then," I said quietly.
