I pushed through the door of Starbucks and was instantly hit by the aromatic smell of coffee, just as how a constructive wave crashes onto the shore, bringing with it the rich sediments and jewels of the sea before retreating back, leaving people wanting more. Exotic blends from faraway lands of the likes of Sumatra, Peru, the Arabian lands and much more tingled my taste buds, exciting them at the thought of tasting a mere drop of any one of the rich brews as I joined the queue in the cozy coffeehouse, with its dim lighting as Peter Vronsky's Reprise played through the speakers, calming the minds of everyday people as they had their daily dose of caffeine, siphoning any unduly stress before the morning began. But, recently, whenever I do visit Starbucks, I was not there for the coffee. "Venti Hot Chocolate, please," I ordered.
The barista smiled and bustled about as he prepared my order. Once paid, I carried my drink and chose a table at the back of the coffeehouse. With my back facing the wall, I had a full view of the coffeehouse, just in case there was any sign of trouble. Old habits die hard. I took a sip of my order and closed my eyes, letting my tongue roll over the sip, tasting the rich bitter dark and sweet milk chocolate intermingle with one another; a combination that drove my taste buds wild as they begged for more. There was a hit of vanilla syrup at the back that cut through the rich bitterness of the dark chocolate, wrapping the drink up nicely that would make any chocoholic drool. I swallowed the treat and could immediately feel a warm feeling blossoming from within me. I smiled slightly in spite of myself. Known as an aphrodisiac, chocolate is also an anti-depressant, something that I need, especially after recent events.
Tyler and I had broken up after I learnt that he had been cheating on me with another roofer in his company. Ever since then, I had shut myself off from the world. I don't know why, I guess it was a biological defense system for me, for me to maybe heal from the wound, or possibly because I needed the time alone. Home had become a foreign place to me, its hallways and rooms filled with once joyful memories that now serve as a painful reminder as to what was my greatest treasure. Sleepless nights became a routine, as I lay in my California king bed that had somehow become too spacious for me while I tossed and turned, finding a new comfort spot to replace what I lost. I sighed. It sure would be a long route to recovery that I knew I had to arrive not immediately, but definitely.
"Shouldn't we talk about it?" a voice asked, snapping me out of my reverie. I looked up and saw Alex sitting before me with a concerned look on his face. Lost to my thoughts, I had not realized that he had slid up to me. Alex has dark gold hair that kicks out in front with a slight cowlick in the back and in the summer Sun, his hair would always be bleached to a shining wheat gold. His eyes are like two pieces of emerald gems floating down the River Nile, a pair of determined crystals that complimented the rest of him -- tough, cool and smart. There was a hard edge to them and gave a glimpse to the wizened maturity embossed in his mind. Standing at six-foot-two, broad-shouldered and muscular Alex was the dream of every girl and the envy of every guy. Alex had been my senior in secondary school before he dropped out to pursue his passion -- sailing. He won multiple prestigious awards at some of the most renowned competitions, bringing home honor as well as pride to my home country. In his spare time, if he was not working out at the gym or training, Alex also loves to travel and I bet that day had been no different.
"There's nothing to talk about, Alex," I told him simply. "So, where have you been lately? New Zealand?" I asked, hoping to distract him from pursuing the subject any further. But knowing Alex, once he set his mind onto something, he would not stop until he had achieved what he wanted. That was why he is one of the best sailors out there.
"Oh, really?" he asked sarcastically, ignoring my distraction, to which I cursed silently. "Then why are you touching your chest as though you're fingering that dragon-shaped dog tag Tyler gave you as a present for your birthday?" he asked calmly. That took me off guard. I looked down and realized that I really was fingering the exact spot where the dog tag had lain before I had taken it off after the break up, right over my sternum where my heart is. But I guess old habits die hard, or was I just pushing away the plain hard truth that was before me?
"As if you don't know I like to touch myself, Alex," I smiled, biting my lower lip seductively as he shook his head in disbelief, his eyes rolling at my reply.
"Come on, Zul. I'm being serious. You and Tyler were in love. That doesn't disappear completely just because you declare that you're moving on, or took off a dog tag, for that matter," he replied gently as he placed a reassuring grip on my shoulder. I stiffened and instantly shrugged it away.
"Yes, it does," I replied curtly. He sighed.
"You don't see what I see. It's not that you make him to be a better person, you do and that's great, but you don't see how significant that change is," he replied gently. I looked up at him, gazing intently into those emerald green eyes that seemed to gleam with the knowledge of a sage as he continued. "You challenge him, surprise him, you make him question his life, beliefs. Your love for him will always be pure and that's the best thing for him."
