I heard you like sex in your erotica, so I got you some sex in your erotica. You sickos are the absolute best.
October
"Fresh new kicks! And pants, you got it like that so you know you wanna dance," I rap, bouncing Seth in my arms. "So move, out of your seat, and get a fly girl and catch this beat--"
A snort makes me whirl around, which Seth loves.
"Don't let me stop you," Todd laughs from the hallway. "You were killing it."
"Shut up," I reply automatically, but I'm in too good a mood for him to ruin it. MC Hammer and I are keeping my son happy amidst the woes of an ear infection. Seth beats my chest and throws his head back trustingly. I catch him as he plunges toward the floor, and Seth shrieks.
"Moh," he demands, squirming happily. "Moh, moh, moh."
"Your choice of music is...not The Wiggles," Todd comments as he watches me catch Seth again.
"I know what my kid likes," I retort.
He grins. "Next you should teach him 'Splash Waterfalls.'"
"Nah, bro. 'WAP,' because Seth is a feminist."
"Oh for sure."
"Heh. Why are you home?" I catch my thrill-seeking kid again.
"A site visit got canceled, so I don't have to be back at the office until three. I came to see if Seth wanted to go out for lunch. You're allowed to come if you want."
My first reaction is to make a billion legit excuses. Not without Chrisette. Seth is still mostly on baby food; we'd have to pack so much. A restaurant high chair situation is unpredictable. A lot of men's restrooms still don't have changing tables. What if Seth is fussy and we bother everyone else. While I'm still picking which excuse to give, Todd jumps in.
"Listen, I'll be here as backup. The diaper bag is already packed, Chrissy wouldn't care, and if things get too messy we'll pack things up to go."
My brain starts forming even more potential chaos, but Todd throws a stuffed animal at me.
"Come on. If I take Seth alone you'll have me arrested for kidnapping. I want sushi."
"Sushi does sound good," I admit.
Todd claps me on the shoulder like a buddy. "Boys' trip to Fuji Kaitenzushi!"
It occurs to me once we're there that this might be a trap. Here, surrounded by other people, trying to handle feeding ourselves and a baby, we seem normal. Like we get along. I don't know if we look like a family, but it kinda feels like when my parents were still together and they would take me to get a burger if I had a good report card. That little hour when they seemed to like each other because they were proud of me.
Seth mushes rice into his mouth, babbling loudly at anyone passing by.
"He starts so strong," Todd laughs. "He says 'Oh! Hi!' like real words are coming after, and then it's gobbledygook."
I agree. "But he's gotta talk to everybody. I thought babies this age were supposed to have stranger danger." Honestly, this could not have gone better. Seth has been having the time of his life with the chopstick wrappers, I had sushi for the first time in years, and Todd was being extremely neutral. Sure, his foot was touching my foot, but maybe he thought it was a table leg.
Our server, who was really just there to bring drinks and count plates, kept coming back to say hi to Seth. He was fascinated by her, so it gave her a good excuse. At one point she goes, "You're gonna be so much trouble for your dads, aren't you!" and Todd looked so fucking pleased that I didn't correct her. I even had the server take a picture of us to send to Chrisette. She texted back My handsome boys! with a heart eyes emoji.
It isn't until we're almost home that Todd goes, "Thanks for coming with me. It's my mom's--my last foster mom--her birthday, and I didn't feel like being alone all day."
"Oh, uh, sure man. Anytime," I say awkwardly.
I guess last year he would have been with Sasha, and with Chrisette constantly working late maybe I was the only available option. I'm pretty sure Todd has friends. Or maybe he didn't recover from when he and Chrisette imploded their friend group after Sasha caught them together.
"Do you, like, do anything special to remember her?" I ask because 'I miss my dead mom' is kinda heavy to end on.
"Sort of. I try to live like her. Her main thing was making sure we felt stable and loved, so..." he trails off as we get out of his truck.
"Ah, so Seth's first real restaurant experience, shit like that?"
"Yeah, shit like that."
Seth fell asleep in his car seat, and I'm about to pick him up when I allow myself to think a little bit about what Todd was saying. "Do you want to take him inside?"
Todd is clearly surprised. "Take Seth? Yeah, of course." He hustles over and gently unbuckles the car seat. I'm pretty sure he hasn't done this part before, but he looks like a natural. Seth barely stirs when he's picked up, just nestles into Todd's arms like a little angel. I follow them inside with all the baby gear, dumping it on the dining table before a detour to the bathroom. Todd does know how to put Seth down for a nap. I don't need to hover.
I don't have to work, but I grab my tablet anyway and plop down on the couch. Todd does his own thing for a while, at least until he comes out to bother me while he puts his shoes on.
"Some time ago you told me why you stay, but...what if you took Seth with you?" are literally the first words he says since we walked inside.
I twist on the couch to look at him. He's in his I-have-a-meeting clothes, which gives me funny feelings after that one time in the shower. Kinda takes the sting out of my are you stupid glare. "It's my house."
"You have equity," he points out. "Sell it or rent it out."
"Tell me how I'm supposed to leave my wife." That's not exactly what I mean. What I mean is for him to tell me how to leave Chrisette. Live wire Chrisette, intoxicating Chrisette, the first woman who really saw value in me, who invested in me as a human being, who married me, who bore my child. How do I turn my back on her? When she needs me the most, how do I walk away?
And when she's gone, and Todd with her, like,...those early weeks of solo parenting were some of the hardest of my life. I can admit that I'm scared of doing that again
Todd, however, shakes his head. "Be honest, Jesse. If you want monogamy, Chrisette has made it pretty clear that she's never going to be that person."
"Was she cheating on me the whole time?" I ask before I can stop myself.
"Do you mean like, did Chrissy have another boyfriend, or did she just hook up with a random guy once in a blue moon?" Todd clarifies, though that tells me everything I didn't want to know.
"There's nothing wrong with wanting monogamy," I mutter bitterly.
"No, but if that's so important to you then why not look for someone who feels the same way?"
I thought I had. "So if I'm gone you and Chrisette can fuck everyone you want, together. That's real precious."
Maybe because he's determined to keep the good mood of sushi lunch going, Todd doesn't match my anger. "For one, being polyamorous is not the same as pansexual. It's how you prefer being in relationships versus whom you're attracted to."
"Bullshit."
"Are you thinking about us?" He says it so casually that I flush. "I'll admit that early on, I was most interested in knocking you off your high horse."
"Ha."
He did, that's for damn sure. More importantly, I don't like hearing "us" come out of his mouth.
Todd sighs as he stands. "You know, I got held back in school. Twice."
What does that have to do with anything?
He goes on. "The first time was kindergarten, which is not uncommon, but the second time I was in junior high."
"What happened?" I ask in spite of myself.
"New foster family that wasn't working out--some of them don't give a shit as long as they get their stipend from the state." Todd shrugs. "I got suspended for skipping, I stopped trying, I dunno. I think I'd been in survival mode with no coping mechanisms and it all just caught up to me. The only reason I even graduated high school is because of my mom."
