Still You Want Me

(All characters are over 18 and this is a work of fiction.)

Again, big thanks to LaRascasse and Oldnakeddad for editing and advising! Any mistakes are likely because I decided to change something after they worked their magic.

I love hearing your thoughts and opinions so please comment or leave me feedback! It's my favorite part of writing and brings me so much joy!

Enjoy the show!!

* * COLIN * *

Charles smiles as he hands me my favorite tea and a marionberry scone.

"Happy sixth month workiversary! I come bearing gifts for this monumental moment."

I would've never expected anything for a work anniversary, especially a bismal six months. I furrow my brow and question him.

"Is this real? Work anniversaries? Gifts for said anniversaries?"

"Sure, of course, it's definitely real."

He pauses and bashfully smiles.

"You know, it's also our friendiversary."

Charles has become my best friend. I have Natalie and a few friends from college that I still talk to, but Charles is my everyday person. It's weird to think there was a time I thought I wouldn't like him. Now I can't imagine my life without him.

"Shit! I didn't get you anything. Oh, wait a minute!"

I grab my wallet and pull out a punch card good for one free coffee from Brew'd Awakening. I smile teasingly at him.

"Here!"

He rolls his eyes but holds the card to his heart with both hands as he says.

"Aw, nothing says friendship like a full punch card. I shall cherish it forever."

He smiles.

"Do you have plans with Jesse tonight or would you like to celebrate our anniversaries with a couple of drinks?"

"I don't think we have any specific plans, but he leaves for Brazil tomorrow so I definitely want to spend time with him."

I sip my delicious tea as he smirks and says.

"Duh! I forgot he's leaving this weekend. Obviously you'll be very busy tonight."

I use my thumb and pointer finger to indicate a small amount.

"Maybe a

little busy, but his flight leaves at nine minutes after seven tomorrow morning so there'll be a reasonable amount of rest."

"Why? He can sleep on the plane and you can sleep when you get back home."

He winks and starts walking back to his desk.

"Wait."

He turns at my request.

"What about lunch today?"

He holds up his sack lunch and waves it in the air.

"I don't know, I packed a lunch today because I'm almost over budget for the month."

The day after he told me he spends about four thousand dollars a month on food, he showed up with a sack lunch. He's cut his spending in half, I still think two thousand dollars per month for food is a lot, but I'm proud of him for his big adjustments.

"We can eat our sack lunches together?"

"My desk or yours?"

"Why not the breakroom?"

He raises his eyebrows flirtatiously.

"This is our friendiversary date, the breakroom isn't romantic at all."

I laugh and wave him off.

"Fine, I'll come to your desk."

We're still working on the Asia project and there's been a few hiccups, but the project is mostly going better than expected. We're getting a lot of positive feedback in that market and the number of production contracts are trending upward.

I received a lot of praise for my early work on the project, but Charlie recently added a dash of brilliance himself. Between our compatibility at work and our sensational duets during Karaoke, we've been dubbed the dream team by pretty much everyone. There's a lot of truth to it because it's easy for Charlie and me to click on almost all levels.

I sneak out of the office at eleven thirty because I want to do something for Charlie. There's an organic grocery store four minutes from work, but they won't have what I want. So, I walk eight minutes to a giant chain store and they have exactly what I'm looking for. I load a handbasket with all of the stuff I need then balk when the total is forty-two dollars and seventy-three cents.

Happy fucking friendiversary, Charlie.

Who am I kidding, he's totally worth it!

I'm back in the office by eleven fifty-three. This is cutting it close so I run to the breakroom where I've preheated the oven before I left so it'd be ready when I came back. I place the baking sheet into the oven, with all of the condiments in glass bowls, set the timer on my phone for seventeen minutes, and leave a note telling people to leave my shit alone. I make it back to Charlie's desk at exactly twelve noon and he's already eating his salad as he says to me.

"You look rushed."

"I was finishing up a project and I didn't want to be late for our anniversary date."

I smirk and muster my most proper and professional voice.

"So, tell me, Charles. How have I most influenced you during these past six months of friendship? I know you could go on for days, but please limit your responses to the top three!"

I give him my flashiest smile. He laughs at me, rolls his eyes at my ridiculousness, and paraphrases while thinking about the question.

"Top three most influential impacts you've made in my life? Well, first, I don't eat out every day anymore, but I think I've lost friends because of it, so I'm not sure that's a positive impact."

His lip curls before continuing.

"But you've positively influenced the way I view money. Second, you genuinely want to be my friend so you've positively influenced my self-worth. Three, you're not afraid to challenge me and make me question things so you've positively influenced the way I think and the choices I make."

He frowns at me.

"One negative influence since being your friend is that I haven't been laid in over five months!"

We've had several conversations regarding this and how he's reaching a new point in his life. I'm proud of him. To be honest, there's a small part of me that's jealous. If things had been different, I wonder if we'd have ended up together. I'm touched and surprised by his answers. If I was an emotional person, I'd cry.

"Those were probably the most sincere and genuine compliments I've ever gotten!"

I can't help but smile at him. Time and time again, he shows me how amazing he is. Charles asks.

"What about you? How have I impacted you? Please, limit the responses to the top twenty-five!"

I roll my eyes, he's always such a smartass.

"Oh, man. How am I supposed to top your answers?"

I bite my lip, half serious and half joking, as he shrugs and smiles at me while finishing the last few bites of his salad.

"I have to steal one of yours, but I would've said it regardless. You genuinely want to be my friend and, for so many more reasons, you've positively influenced my self-worth, too! You—"

My phone timer goes off.

"Shit! Hold on, I'll be right back."

I run to the breakroom, arrange everything on the tray and go back to Charlie's desk. As soon as I'm within sight of Charlie, I start reciting one of our favorite quotes from the show: The Office.

"I wake up every morning in a bed that's too small, drive my daughter to a school that's too expensive, and then I go to work at a job in which I get paid too little."

I set the tray full of pretzels, with an assortment of nuts and sauces, on his desk then Charlie and I recite together.

"But on Pretzel Day? I like Pretzel Day!"

He laughs, as I'd expect. Hell, I'm laughing, too. Anything that references The Office always sends us both into a fit of giggles, but he also does something that surprises me...he stands and gives me a hug.

"Colin, this is the most thoughtful thing anyone has ever done for me. I wish I could frame it. I'll keep this memory forever."

His eyes convey so much in this moment. This little gesture means so much to someone who has everything. I feel honored to be his friend and instruct him.

"Pick up the tray."

"Why?"

"Just pick up the tray, you idiot."

He picks up the tray, I pose him exactly how I want, and then I take a selfie of us. We look at the picture, it's really good, a perfect memory.

"There, now the Pretzel Day friendiversary will forever be immortalized."

"It's perfect."

He sets the tray down and smiles, again. I can't help feeling happy that I'm able to bring such happiness to this man. We drizzle some of all of the condiments onto our pretzels and start eating.

"You know, this cost me over forty dollars."

I feign annoyance and he responds with a grin.

"Yeah, yeah. I love you, too. Hey, you didn't finish your answers."

I try to recall where we left off.

"Oh, yeah. Okay, so, self-worth was one. Two, you pay attention to things I say and you bank them for later, such as that day we had the long, boring meeting and I thought I was going to die. Later that day, you printed out a meme of Michael Scott that said, I Understand Nothing, and left it on my desk--it made my day, it was so funny! So, I guess you make me feel valued and before you say anything, it's different than number one because it's not about me valuing myself, it's about having a friend that genuinely values me."

"And three—"

I have to think, this is hard!

"Okay, this is going to sound dumb, but it actually means a lot to me. You've positively influenced my life by adding more Karaoke."

Thursday night has become a regular Karaoke night and we go regularly with coworkers and friends.

"I guess that's technically kind of under number two? So I'll add one more. You've positively influenced me by dragging my ass to the gym and making me do something about this."

I do a sweeping motion over my body.

"I think Jesse will agree."

"Speaking of the gym, if you don't start to apply yourself harder, I'm going to start withholding sex."

His smirk makes me nervous as he gives me his faux apologetic face.

"And then I'll have to say something like,

this hurts me more than it hurts you."

I pretend to be horrified.

"You wouldn't dare!"

He looks at me and smiles.

Oh, yeah, when we got our memberships, he told them we were married so we'd get a discounted price. Now we joke when we're at the gym by pretending to fight or being annoyingly affectionate and everywhere in between.

I tried to tell him it was a bad idea because the gym had a decent gay clientele and he could easily find some hookups, but he thought it would be more fun that way. Life is never dull with Charlie.

We finish our pretzels in silence.

"Hey, Charlie?"

I start picking up the trash.

"Yeah?"

"I have a question—well, a favor, but I want you to promise you won't say no."

I give him my biggest puppy dog eyes. He rolls his eyes and says.

"Shit, how can I say no when you do that?"

He's trying to hide his lopsided smile.

"I promise to say yes unless it's illegal, then my answer is maybe."

I over-exaggerate a huge smile.

"Since you don't have plans for tonight, I want to set you up with a date."

"N—"

"You can't say no! You promised. Just hear me out. His name is Zach, he's twenty-three so he has the same emotional maturity as you."

I wait for him to laugh at my jab, but he doesn't.

"He's athletic and super cool."

Charlie's face is totally blank. I know he hates being set up, but I have to try anyway. He's been alone for too long.

"It's only one date. If it's a total dump, I'll never try to set you up, again."

He responds flatly.

"I'm almost over my food budget."

I'm not going to let him get off the hook that easy.

"Zach will gladly take you out. He's the one that's been asking me to talk to you."

He says, matter-of-factly.

"Okay, just for you. Tell him to meet me at Nicoletta's Table at six forty-five. I'll give him my number if the date is good."

He stands, throws the rest of his trash away, and says.

"Thanks for the pretzels."

He quickly exits toward the bathroom. Five months of celibacy has made him irritable. Zach is cool and I also know he'll be an easy lay for Charlie. I go back to my desk and notice there's a text message on my phone.

[Jesse] Meet at your house after work?

Besides one mandatory meeting this morning, Jesse's taking the afternoon off so he can pack for his trip.

[Colin] Sure thing, babe. Dinner after or stay in tonight? *winking smile emoji*

While I wait for his reply, I send a message to Zach.

[Colin] Charles said he's free tonight if you want to take him out.

[Zach] Seriously?

[Colin] Yes. lol

[Zach] Where should I take him?

[Colin] Nicoletta's Table at six forty-five. I don't know where it is.

It takes a minute for him to respond. I suppose he's googling.

[Zach] Lake Oswego / Good reviews *thumbs up emoji* Thanks, I owe you.

[Colin] Have fun.

There's still no response from Jesse, but I know he's scrambling to get everything packed. I work for a few hours and then stop by Brett's office and pop my head in.

"Knock, knock."

"Hey shrimp, what's up?"

He's been calling me shrimp helps to keep him from calling me Stan. He can call me whatever he wants as long as he doesn't screw everything up.

"Would it be possible to leave a little early today? Jesse leaves tomorrow morning and—"

"Say no more, consider yourself off of work. Have a good weekend and tell Jesse to be safe."

Brett waves me off and returns to his work.

[Colin] I'm off early, come by whenever. I need every second I can get with you.

[Jesse] Perfect, see you soon.

I jump into the shower and decide to wear a pair of sweatpants, instead of dressing up, because I'm hoping to dress down when he gets here. I want to get naked with my super-hot boyfriend before he leaves.

I hear Jesse open the door. I'd given him the code months ago so he can come in whenever he wants. My heart quickens, I'm excited to see him and anxious because he's leaving.

Oh, damn, he looks fine! But this is Jesse, of course he makes grubby joggers and a threadbare college shirt look like something from a porn scene. Maybe I'm horny or maybe he's just that hot...or both! All I know is, he's all mine until we have to leave my apartment at four fifty tomorrow morning.

I don't give him a chance to say hi before I attack him. I want as much as I can get before he leaves. He stumbles backward in surprise, but recovers quickly and starts returning my advances. We're desperate, two weeks won't be that long, but we haven't spent much time apart during our six months together.

Jesse has his hands down the back of my pants and he's kneading my ass. He's been very vocal about his appreciation of the booty gains I've achieved since working out. Likely, it's the only thing he likes about all the time I spend with Charles.

All of this frantic kissing and touching has Colin junior ready to go! Hell, he was ready to go before Jesse stepped into my apartment, but feeling Jesse's erection against my hips, and his hands kneading my ass, is sending me to a new level.

I regretfully disengage from his kisses to grab his hand. I start tugging him toward the bedroom so we can get this show on the road, but my body jerks when I'm met with resistance. There's no budging him if he doesn't wanna move.

"What the fuck?"

Jesse's playfully smiling.

"Hello to you, too!"

"Hello, how was your day, mine was dumb, okay, ready, now?"

I grab his hand and tug, again.

"We have business to finish!"

"First, I want to talk to you about my meeting this morning."

He pulls me toward the couch as I point at the very obvious bulge in my sweats.

"Can't we talk about that after we deal with this?"

"Sit."

Well, this is de-escalating quickly.

I slump onto the couch, as requested, as he carefully watches me.

"Today has been insane. The meeting wasn't anything like what I'd expected."

He pauses, again.

"Okay. An insane meeting, nothing you would've expected. Is that all? Can we go now?"

He rolls his eyes and smirks at my impatience. The smirk quickly becomes a hesitant frown, then he talks slow, trying not to spook me.

"They offered me a new job with a very significant wage increase and additional perks, but my job will require me to stay international for a while longer. There'd be a few more stops after Brazil."

"That's it? This is great news! You've been talking about the job. I'm very proud of you!"

I'm genuinely happy for him! He works so hard and has an amazing heart. He deserves this! He deserves everything.

"You're happy for me?"

He appears to be taken aback so I wrap him in a big hug.

"Absolutely! You deserve it! How many more places are you going?"

He looks nervous, again.

"There's four, including Brazil."

I do the quick mental math as I grab his hand.

"That's great! Will you be gone about two months, then? That's assuming you'll be staying a similar two weeks at the other three locations. I'm not thrilled by it, but I love you! We can make it work, but that means we have a lot more stockpiling to do before you leave. You can sleep on the plane!"

I tug at him, again, really wanting to be naked together and not wanting to waste another minute.

"I'll be gone for five years."

Huh?

I think my horny brain missed something, this doesn't make sense.

"Five years? What's five years?"

"The job. I'll be gone for roughly five years. Maybe less, maybe more."

Oh, fuck!

"Five

years

."

I'm not asking, I'm trying to process. I look at him and try to figure out what's happening.

"I'm sorry, Jesse. My brain is struggling to process data, can you explain what this means?"

"It means I'm going to be out of the country for five years. Colin, I love you very much! You've changed my life, but let's look at this realistically."

He moves closer to me and holds my hands. I don't like where this is going. Nope.

"There's the time change and the fact we'll both be working a lot. I don't want to break up, but it's not reasonable to stay together, either."

My heart feels like it's being ripped out of my chest.

"Whoa. Don't say tha—"

"Colin, listen to me. I don't want you sitting here for five years giving up everything because you're waiting for me to come back nor do I want to spend the next five years worrying that I'm denying you everything because of my job."

Earlier today, I didn't cry because I'm not an emotional person. Now, I have silent tears rolling down my face.

"What if things change, again, and I'm promoted and asked to work for a longer time overseas? I have no way of predicting the future."

Now he's crying, too.

"Colin, I desperately want this to work because I love you so much and I see you in my life forever, but every time I think of ways to make it work, I know they're only excuses and will only make things harder, later."

I'm lying with my head in his lap and he's running his fingers through my hair. My conscious mind is so overwhelmed, I think it's about to automatically shut off. Yesterday, we were singing Karaoke together, but today he's breaking up with me to move away for five years. Jesse's the love of my life. He can't leave!

My chest starts heaving as the tears continue to stream down my face. Jesse's bigger than I, but I'm not small, by any means. He manages to move me so I'm straddling his lap and facing him, then he stands while holding me to his waist. He carries me to the bedroom, lays me down, and climbs onto the bed next to me. We're facing each other and tears are streaming down our faces and pooling where our noses are touching. He tries to comfort me as he loses pieces of himself, too.

"I know baby, I know. My heart is breaking. Seeing you like this is killing me. The thought of losing you is almost too much to bear."

His emotional confession does nothing to calm me down. If anything, his turmoil only magnifies mine and I plead.

"Please stay! I love you so much!"

He squeezes me tight as we lie here, no longer speaking, the only sound in the room is our emotional pandemonium.

I'm not sure if I drifted off into sleep or if I experienced a mental shut down, but I don't recall what happened. The next thing I remember is coming to, still wrapped in Jesse's embrace, only neither of us are crying anymore. His phone starts vibrating and he answers, sounding like shit.