Sun and Sea: Letting Go or Not!
Narrator: Rohit
As soon as the kids left, I turned to Anu and hugged him. "Why baby! Why are you killing yourself like this?"
"When Kitoo left in the morning, my first thought was to move away to Hyderabad with him. And then those months came back to me and I realised I can't run away from you. I physically can't, my legs didn't move. I will die without you RK. I can't imagine a life without you." He hugged me tighter as if I would run away if he let go.
"I haven't told you this but when you entered the restaurant the first day I saw you, I knew! You were the most handsome person I have ever seen in those impossibly tight white T shirt and blue tracks. I didn't know you were straight or gay at that time but I knew it was you I wanted and it scared me. You keep telling me that I affected you just by tuning my guitar but I was doing it all wrong, buying time to think of something witty or funny or interesting to tell you when we talk for the first time, to make you like me. I walked up to you and stood a bit closer under the light so that I could show off my eyes to you, my best feature." I bent and kissed his forehead, feeling a bit more in love with him after knowing I had affected him too.
"When my mother told me to stay away from you, I wanted to die. I was thinking, can't I even talk to someone I like, even if he doesn't like me back? Can't we be friends? But I think she knew we wouldn't be friends, in her hatred for me, she saw we would fall in love with each other. She knew I had found my partner and hence she was always pissed at you too. That day you took me home and gave me your clothes, I never returned them. On bad days, I would sleep in them imagining you were there with me. I brought that lip balm that night in the cabin, wanting things to happen between us. I was ready to do anything to make you like me, anything."
I made him sit on the couch and kneeled in front of him holding both his hands, "I liked you without anything. I was so mad at myself that I made you feel like you had to offer me yourself in return. You have always been enough for me, just being around you is enough, Anu."
"I know baby! I have always known, from the first time we met. That night I came to our house again with Kitoo before taking the train to Delhi. I wanted to come and beg you to take us both in, but I didn't because I knew you would, without a word. It's a small town and you were too famous, it would have never worked. Every day, every second when we were apart I thought of you. I took your name as mine and Kitoo as your son. I am done running away from you, Babe. I can't, I will die!" I laid my head on his lap and hugged him around his waist.
"I can never forget that first night when you brought us here. It was empty with just one small bed and you had laid a sleeping Kitoo on it. You came out of his bedroom and I was sitting there", He pointed at the corner wall connecting the living room to the kitchen. "I was sitting on the floor and in the five years that we knew each other, I didn't know what to say to you when you just sat next to me, our sides touching. After so many talkathons, fights, laughter, tears and love, I didn't know what to say. I knew I didn't want to say 'sorry'. I wasn't able to look you in your eyes. I had messed up the situation in my head in the morning in the cabin after our first time but that day I wanted you to hit me, hurt me but love me."
"But I was just happy you guys were okay and Kitoo is our kid, he is a little you. I have two of you to love. I was not angry with you, I was and still am a bit scared of you. You made me believe I am low on your priority list. But... you are mine and I was and am never letting this go." I hugged him and he warped his hands around my neck and kissed the top of my head. " I still remember when I kissed you that night", I smiled at the memory. " After almost 18 months, I kissed the love of my life and he tastes like children's medicine ... I still remember it was strawberry flavoured." He kissed me again on my neck and chuckled.
"Kitoo was not having the medicine and was fussing and turning his head around, so I just landed up having it myself", we shared a soft laugh.
"I want Kitoo to choose now. I can't do this to us, I am being selfish for us. He gets us as a package deal from now on. I will be heartbroken if Kitoo chooses them over us but you will be there with me and my world is always a better place with you in it, so I will take my chances. Whenever you look at me, I am 17 again and when you look someplace else, I feel lost." I smiled and he kissed my forehead.
"Babe, I have never looked anywhere else!" I pulled him to my lap and kissed him.
"You shouldn't love me so much, you know, it makes me cocky." I said, smelling his hair and kissing him repeatedly on his head.
"What if he likes them better because they are a normal family and not like us... we are weird even for a same sex partner... an idiot and a meathead?" He stood up and started pacing.
"Hey!! Don't call my hubby cubby an idiot, that's my thing and I thought you love my meat head." I stopped him and hugged him back to me. "You know what babe, Ravi will not look so normal after I am through with him. I will Hulk out on them and scare them away."
"You stay with me okay, let Kitoo drive this and you hold on to me."
"I Promise, I don't have a choice when it comes to me and you, I will do anything for you, and we are his home, he is not going anywhere." I said, "And Happy Birthday baby!"
"Why are my birthdays so fucked up?" His words muffled my hug.
"Because you are an idiot." I kissed the top of his head as he hugged me tighter.
Sun and Sea: Choosing my Family
Narrator: Kitoo
I dropped Myra outside her apartment building gate and just kept looking ahead, not able to talk.
"You never let go of what you have for what you may get Kitoo. Dad, when broken and scared, found Pa, a happy and loving man. They are like Yin and Yan. Can you imagine leaving someone like Pa after living such a happy life at his home, all the while being ignored and forgotten by his parents? But he did that for you, no second thought. I know your mother would have been devastated and your father didn't have a choice but these things didn't stop them. Pa was devastated, been left behind and Dad never thought of another choice. They lived like friends never able to love each other in their own home for years for you. Did you notice they wear the same gold band on their left ring finger? It's the first thing I observed when I met them but I didn't want to say anything. Don't break their hearts, you wouldn't be able to live with it anywhere in the world, even the UK."
