Surrender to More

Author's Introduction; This is the third, and the finale story in the 'Surrender' trilogy. For those new to this three part story; The first part is; 'Surrender To Desire' and the second part is; 'Surrender To Love'. I strongly encourage you to read both of those before reading this final part; 'Surrender To More'.

The Return To Anchorage

It was with rearranged feelings that Aaron and Randy retraced their steps on the way back home. The big city and real life awaits them, casting a somewhat somber atmosphere in the cab of the truck. However, it wasn't somber due to the fact that both men had plunged deeper into a relationship — it's that the relationship that started with Sylvia's suggestion to share a shower and a hot-tub had evolved into something so much more. And perhaps somber isn't even the right word — let us say it was a thoughtful atmosphere — a subdued atmosphere filled with individual unspoken thoughts and feelings. For they still had much to think about and process in regard to the rather rapid reshuffling of their lives. A reshuffling of core values and beliefs each had held about their own sexuality — that each had held about themselves and who they loved ... and who they could love.

So, there was more silence on the drive back — but certainly not less thinking and pondering about what comes next. It was Randy who asked first; "You're awfully quiet, what'cha thinking about?"

"I could ask you the same thing, but I think we both know what we're thinking about. Randy, we can't deny that things have changed between us. I personally am not sorry about what we did together. I'm not ashamed or afraid to say I love you — perhaps it's in a strange way, but I'm not going to deny it. We've been almost like brothers for years — now for me it seems more like lovers. I know talk like that freaks you out, but I want to be honest. I know you've been thinking about too."

"Yeh, it's about all I can think about. I guess I've had it pounded into my brain that two men in love is wrong — it's not natural. You've met my father, you know what he's like, everything has to be his way. He'd flat out say it's not possible for us to feel romantic love for each other. If he knew what I've done with you — he'd disown me for sure, and maybe even shoot me in a rage. I know for a fact that he'd disown me though. I'm torn Aaron, it feels so good to be with you — to be with you and Sylvia. I know that I've put up some walls and pretended that what we're doing is all just casual messing around — but it's all a lie Aaron. To be honest, I think I may like what we're doing more than you and Sylvia do. Bottom line, I'm trying to come to grips with the fact that I'm a homo ... and as much as I hate even the sound of that, I know how I feel is not going to just magically go away. So yeah, I've been thinking about it too."

I took to heart every Randy's every word of ... what; confession. I had forgotten how homophobic his family could be, perhaps even to the extent of the violence that he just described. Not knowing what to say to that ..., "Randy, I don't know what to say about your family and their beliefs. But I totally get that such things are bound to weigh heavy. If you want, we can all agree to never venture into such experiences again. I know you love Sylvia, of course it's up to her ... but if you want to just keep this all about you and I enjoying her — and she us, I can abandon any sexual stuff with you. Would that help?"

"That's very thoughtful and kind, but the truth is; Now that I've experienced your cock, I'm not sure I want to walk away from what we've both just discovered. I want to be with you both — I want to fuck your Sylvia and I want to be fucked by you — I even want to fuck you." He gave a little chuckle and added, "That's a lot of fucking, isn't it?"

I smiled at him, "Yes, and it all sounds quite wonderful to me. Randy, think about what you just said. I think it would be a miracle if you would ever be able to give up all the things you want. Honestly, I think it might drive you insane to live such a lie — and for what? To keep your old man happy? Is it worth what it would cost you to keep him happy?"

"It's complicated, I give you that. And I really don't want all of this we've discovered to just disappear out of my life. But I'm a bit worried that somehow my family might find out. But since it's you and Sylvia, maybe they wouldn't think much about me spending time with you two? They already know we've been friends for quite awhile. The fact that you're a married couple ... unlikely they'd think I'm sucking your cock and letting you breed me — and I can't in my wildest imagination think they would ever consider that Sylvia and I might get involved."

"I know it's more complicated for you than it is for me and Sylvia. This is just a thought thrown at the wall to see if it sticks, okay? But what if you moved in with us. We have a spare bedroom that hardly ever gets used. Maybe you could do that and tell your family it's to save more money — or something?"

"You think Sylvia would go for that?"

"Obviously, we've not talked about it. But I know she enjoyed having two men — after all, she's the one who started all of this — something I never expected, by the way. But if you think that might work for you, I can talk to her when she gets back home."

"That really would be a perfect solution — at least for me. My only concern at first thought is that a little of me might be fun, but me around all the time ... you think that would work for you guys? What if she wants to fuck me more than you want her too? What if she gets jealous of us having sex? Like I said, it would be perfect for me — but what about you two?"

"All I can say is; we'll all have to sit down and talk it through. If she says no, then we'll have to think of something else. Worth a shot, eh? And just to be absolutely clear; I don't want to stop what we're doing together — in fact, I want a lot more."

"I want more to, I really do. You lead and I'll follow, it's your house and she's your wife — the last thing I ever want to do is rock you guys boat."

"Good enough, I'll talk to her when she gets back after she's rested. Now, if there's nothing more to say about the future — what do you think about giving me a blow-job while I drive us home? I haven't had one since the one you gave me last night, you know?"

Aaron's attempt to lighten the mood was enough for a smile to grace Randy's face. He cleared some stuff off the bench seat onto the floor and scooted closer to this one true friend — this friend who was quickly becoming something more. Sitting close, he used both hands to open Aaron's pants and had him lift up off the seat just enough to pull the pants down to expose the already growing cock. He didn't say anything, but he really wished they were in bed again at the cabin. It was so perfect there — so peaceful — so private. He was already getting hard himself with the prospect of having Aaron's hard man-meat in his mouth again — that in itself must mean that something deeper inside had been awakened. It also meant that there had already been a rearranging and purging of those old phobias and confusion about who could love who — and who gets to embrace sexual intimacy. After so many years fighting and denying his bisexuality, he had grown weary of the lie and with thoughts of fully embracing his true self Randy lowered his lips to the bulging cock waiting for his service.

"Oh fuck! You give great head baby — you sure you haven't been doing this for years — suck it like I know you want to — eat it!"

I knew Aaron was sorta exaggerating and playing around, but I was a hundred percent sure that I wanted to suck him until he fed me his sweet essence again. As I sucked him, the thought surfaced; 'Who do I think I'm kidding? I could be locked up away from any cock — but I would still wish for it. That's not the life I want to live — pretending to be someone I'm not.'

As I serviced him, I thought back to what he'd said ... he was right; I don't want to spend my life pretending I'm someone I'm not. 'I'll just have to figure it out ... but it's going to be on my terms. If the family throws me out ....' I pushed the intrusive thoughts away again and refocused on the cock in my mouth. I may have been on auto pilot for a moment or two, but now Aaron's cock, the smoothness of the bulbous head, the smell of his sex — it was wonderful and I only wished we were still on our bed at the cabin — so I could lay under him again as he breeds me into submission.

Randy's words brought me back to the present, but his cock was still in my mouth.

"We're coming into Wasilla. You need to pee or anything?"

I hated having to take my mouth off of him, "No, I'm good. You need to stop?"

"Yeh, I kinda do, and we can get some gas. But I sure like what you're doing down there."

I sat up and after watching him try to button up, I held the steering-wheel as he put himself back into his pants. But I savored the taste of him lingering in on my tongue — and I found myself being aroused — and oddly relieved — by my self admission of being a cock-sucker. I was tempted to add to that thought the fact that I was also proud of it. But that seemed a stretch too far — or maybe it was just too soon to make such bold proclamations?

I decided to join him in the restroom, I felt a piss building and might as well take a leak myself. Turned out the restroom was a one person style with a single toilet. We stood together and added another intimate experience to our growing list — I smiled at him when took mine in his hand ... and I reached over and returned the favor. I've never really been in love, but this growing intimacy between us was breaking down old walls of resistance that I wasn't even all that aware of. I told myself, 'We're not hurting anyone — only growing closer with each new discovery and learning more about each other every day.'

We both washed our hands, not because either of our cocks was dirty, but because the room wasn't as clean as the signs in the front window proclaimed.

Back in the truck, it was just a short drive on into Anchorage now. As Randy drove us home, I leaned back in my seat and closed my eyes. It was so nice to be able to relax and play back again all that happened in our short time away in the wilderness. Randy seemed unfazed by what we did in our bed at the cabin.

Perhaps it was the fact that he has Sylvia to confirm his status as a normal straight guy? I am the one who took her place these last few days. I mulled the thought of being his substitute woman for a few seconds — no, I knew that I'm no substitute — it wasn't as a stand-in for her, the role that I had played. Bottom line; we're both bisexual — we each played the role of being the other man — the cock to suck — the friend who 'gets it' — the guy who needed the same things for life to be balanced and satisfying.

As we got closer to town, I put away my thoughts about Aaron and pushed away the next wondering thoughts of where we each fit into this picture. I told myself; 'It'll all unfold as it will — hopefully for the best for all three of us.'

***

Sylvia was scheduled to arrive later this evening, so Aaron and I got the truck unloaded and all the gear stashed in the garage and the storage shed out back. Since the house was already clean, the way we left it, the thought of a nice warm shower led us both upstairs to the master bedroom. After all we had done — all that we had discovered these last few days in our remote hideaway, it just seemed right that we both strip naked together and Aaron stepped into the shower.

I didn't know what Aaron was thinking, and I worried that I was becoming too swept away with our ... situation. After all the sex we'd shared these last few days, I found myself wanting to once again be in his arms — and once again be on my knees bringing us both pleasure with my lips and tongue.

After Aaron had stepped into the shower, I quickly finished stripping away my clothes and joined him. I was already hard and showing my arousal, and he glanced down and saw it as soon as I stepped in. We stood in silence for some seconds before he stepped closer to me. I expected him to fondle my cock — instead, he tipped my face up to his and kissed me on my lips.

As I circled my arms around him, I felt his tongue seeking to be in my mouth — and I surrendered to his desire.

As he was so passionately kissing me, I felt his hand caressing my butt crack — I spread my legs wider and surrendered to his desire.

As he slowly and softly stroked me up and back down again — I pushed my butt out for him and felt his finger on my opening and ... I surrendered to his desire.

After all my worry and stress about being queer, ironically I stood here naked with another man who was probably going to fuck me in awhile — and I knew that I would always surrender to his desire. There seemed to be nothing I could do to stop my own desires — so I just surrendered in the fight to thwart them — to deny them ... as all that baggage faded away, I melted into this man to whom I have surrendered it all to.

As he held me close, I felt a relief wash over me. 'This — this moment is real — these feelings are real,' I told myself. With faith in my feelings, I finally fully surrendered my shame and guilt and doubt about being bisexual — about being queer. His kisses now felt right and not something to shun, hide or be afraid of. His kiss was as honest and true as Sylvia's. Even in that almost sacred moment, I knew the doubts may try to come back. But at that moment, I knew that I was done with them. I looked up into his eyes, "I'm ready if you want to."

In response, Aaron lowered his lips to mine and we kissed one more time. This time our tongues teased one another in such a tender way. Intuitively, I knew that even just enjoying that kiss painted and confirmed that I was queer. Kissing him sent chills into my body and sent a message to my cock to suddenly come alive and wake up once again. And strangest of all, that kiss sent a tingling telegram to my ass-pussy telling it to get ready too.

However, in our passion and pleasure it seemed that we both had forgot about the time and that Sylvia's flight arrival must be soon. With such an abrupt end to, what was for me, one of the most perfect moments we've shared together, we both scrambled to get dressed and head for the airport — thankfully we arrived just in time.

We parked and both of us went to welcome 'our girl' home. It was close, but we had arrived before her and were waiting for her at the gate. She had only taken a carry-on bag for such a brief stay, so away we all went once again to their house.

I had already planned to give them plenty of space to get reacquainted. I knew from experience that Aaron is a horny guy, and he and Sylvia needed their time alone to get everyone satisfied. So, I wished them both a good night and went to the room with the foldout sofa-bed. I drifted along in sort of a half sleep — half awake way as I laid there naked and all alone — it felt kinda weird being in a strange bed — but mostly, it was being alone that felt the strangest. However, after our big adventure — after the many stressful moments as Aaron and I unburied our feelings and our fears to each other — it didn't take long for me to fall asleep.

#Sylvia Brings A Calming Presence

That night was a time for Randy and Sylvia to reconnect and as they lay cuddled close she asked him, "How was the cabin?"

"Everything was just the way we left — no more bear visits since that last one. And, it was as magically beautiful as it always is. I think Randy was really impressed with what we've done."

"I wish I could have gone — it's not fair. But I have to confess that I fantasized about you two up there all alone. Did you guys share the big bed?"

"We did. We also shared the sweat lodge and the hot tub. I wish you could have been there with us."

"I wished it too. Of course, it was great to see Sis, but I fantasized every night about you two all alone up there — and tried to put myself there too. Confession time, I got myself off thinking about Randy fucking me while you watched."

"Hmm, I would like to have seen that. You like having him around, don't you?"

"I think — I hope, we both do. You guys had sex ... didn't you?"

"Yeh, the whole time was sort of surrounded by a sex-charged energy."

"I really wish I could have been a spider on the wall watching you two. I don't know if it's common, but two guys together really get's me going."

"Makes sense, I feel the same about watching two women on porn. Wonder why we like that so much?"

"I'm not sure ... probably it's just the taboo factor — it's something new and that makes it exciting maybe?"

"Is that why you like Randy around — so you can watch us have sex?"

"I can't deny liking it, but it's not the only reason. I know you need to let that part of yourself out to play. You're just lucky that you're married to an open minded woman who loves her man and understands."

"I know I'm one of the lucky ones who's blessed with a perfect wife. That's what I know. But speaking of Randy; We had a very sexual time up there — lot's of nudity in the sweat lodge and hot-tub. We slept together like you and I sleep together. But he seems pretty conflicted about, quote —being gay. I tried to reassure him first off by telling him that he's bisexual — and that's a somewhat different thing. He heard me, but he also has a lot of baggage he carries around about it all. Seems his father is a real ass-hat about anyone who's different from him. I think that's Randy's biggest issue — family pressure and fear of being judged if anyone finds out he Bi. Still, we've talked and I can see him unloading a lot of that old baggage. But, it does seem to him that something like a threesome where there's a woman involved takes away some of the taboo, confusion and guilt. Thing is, I know he's bi — he's also embraced that in himself, and there's no doubt or denying that he also desires sex with a guy. And really, he's coming around to more self-acceptance about everything."

"That's so sad. What do you think will happen? You think he'll drop you as a friend?"

"No clue really. I mean, I'd hate to see him split — but I don't know how to convince him that he's normal. I think he eases of the self condemnation when I'm with him. But sounds like he's had a lot of 'nut-case' homophobia preached at him — that stuff can kind of stick on a person. You and I have read enough of what medical science says about sexuality and how it develops. I don't know if that would help him to accept the rainbow of diversity or not."

"Now don't get mad, but do you think if both you and I participated in some adult play with him — might that ease some of his conflict and maybe also help ease him into his true self?"

"Actually, I had already considered that but didn't want to presume you'd be up for it. I think it's important, if we decide to do more of something like that — obviously, it's important that you get pleasure out of it too. It would basically be a three-way relationship, wouldn't it? I mean, I know you enjoyed fucking him when this all got started. The question now is; Do you want to keep exploring with him?"

"I think the biggest question is; Can you accept and watch him fuck me on a more regular schedule? I'm okay with adding some spice to our bed — I really enjoyed our three-way with him. He's a nice looking guy and ... well, you've seen his cock. But I also know male egos are a fragile thing."

"It's interesting that we've brought all of this up; On the drive home, after he had told me about living with his father and the rest of the family, he and I talked about the stress he was under there. I thought of our extra bedroom and asked if he'd like to move in here. Seems to me he needs a break from his family whether he gets his own place or uses our spare bedroom. But, I told him it's up to you. I don't want to complicate our lives too much ... but what do you think about him moving in?"