Swing Life Away

Author's Note - Hi! This can stand alone, but it's a prequel to the rest of my stories. It goes right at the beginning, just before

Let the Bad Times Roll

.

Ira

I couldn't remember what we were on the night before.

Or maybe I had never known at all? Did I even ask what I was taking or did I just swallow every pill Mike handed me? Probably the latter, to be honest.

Either way, daylight could no longer be denied. I found myself in Mike's familiar bed, tucked away safely in the pool house of his parents' ridiculous McMansion. The room reminded me of Mike. It had tasteful, luxurious furnishings with a bed so big and soft, I occasionally crashed there even when I was good enough to get home, all dressed in understated bluish grays that would ease our chemical-laced minds back to the real world whenever we inevitably fell from whatever height we had been chasing.

Mike was stretched out beside me, on top of the covers and dressed only in his underwear. He was hot. There was no way to pretend otherwise. He was taller than me by about half a foot and he had graduated as a varsity member of our highschool soccer team just that spring, a year behind me. He still maintained the long, lean muscles of that effort. I suspected his later twenties would bless him with more chest hair, but at that time he only had the lightest dusting of dark hair on his stomach, leading down to dip below his waistband.

I winced at the light and sat up to nudge Mike.

"Hey, dude, you alive?" I asked him.

"No," Mike groaned and waved me off irritably.

"I got to go," I said and started to drag myself off the bed. "My folks are expecting me at church this morning."

"The fuck?" Mike snickered. "You going to go confess what we did last night?"

"What

did

we do last night?" I asked.

"No fucking clue, man," he laughed and threw an arm across his eyes to block the light. "Looks like we hung out around here all night. Lucky we didn't drown in the pool."

"Did we fuck?"

"Maybe? Probably if you could get it up," Mike said and shrugged. "Guess I'll find out later if my ass is full of cum or not."

"Oof," I grimaced. "We should stop having unprotected sex."

"I don't give a fuck," he answered and burrowed under the covers. "Go tell God what a bad boy you've been."

I rolled my eyes and went to shower off the sweat and sin of whatever the fuck we did. I found my clothes on the floor of his bedroom after. My pants were clean enough to wear, but my shirt and undershirt were sweaty, wrinkled messes.

"I'm stealing a shirt," I told Mike and opened his closet. He might have been taller than me, but my broad shoulders and gym addict chest muscles meant I could get away with wearing his shirts if I cuffed the sleeves. Mike mumbled something at me that sounded like an agreement. He didn't care. I picked one of his less expensive looking button ups, stole an undershirt, and skipped out.

Showing up at church every Sunday kept my parents out of my business otherwise. I didn't need them to know what a fuck up I was becomming. They really thought I had quit drugs and left partying behind in high school. Well, they believed it as long as I was good enough at faking it for a few hours on Sunday mornings.

I don't really know why they still went to that church. I sat in the pew, my eyes on the fire and brimstone and my body following the familiar stand-sit-bow patterns, but my mind was safely locked away where I wouldn't have to absorb any of that hate.

Mom and dad knew I was gay and they had never even suggested that it bothered them. Hell, they had opened their home to my best friend Teddy when his own parents threw him out for being bi. Yet, there they were, on the stiff pew a foot away from me nodding and amen-ing their way through a sermon that absolutely included lines equating their own son with murderers and monsters.

It was fine. I could let it roll off my back, charm my way through lunch at a chain restaurant, and escape back to see if Mike had anything interesting to sell me to wipe that knowledge out of my head.

"Did you apply to Vanderbilt yet?" Dad asked me over lunch. I looked up from the plate of maybe meatloaf I was picking at to give him my best winning smile.

"Yep, I haven't heard back, though," I told him. Which was half true. I had applied to the mostly-online degree I wanted. I might have been rejected or accepted, but I hadn't checked my email in weeks. Dad was happy to hear it. He believed in me.

My head was aching. I smiled through it. Mom had to tell me all about people I didn't remember. Dad wanted to ask my opinion on which new phone he should get. I could fake my way through it.

...

Teddy wasn't as easy to fool. He knew the moment that I dragged myself back to the home we shared with our other friend Foster wearing Mike's clothes.

"I thought you were quitting?" he said quietly.

"I never said that," I answered sourly.

"Wasn't that the agreement? You get yourself together and your parents would fund your degree?" he pressed.

"I don't know if I'm even doing that," I answered. I joined Ted on the couch.

Teddy cut his shocking blue eyes at me sharply.

"You're wasting an opportunity most people don't even get the chance to ignore if you don't," he said. "Or did you want to be like me and drive a forklift for the rest of your life?"

I sighed and rubbed my hands over my face. It was pretty much impossible to complain about my parents when Teddy was around. His parents forced him into conversion therapy and then threw him out of the house. Mine just wanted me to stop partying so hard and to fund my private college dreams.

Teddy's phone was lighting up with texts that he seemed to be ignoring. That looked like a good escape from the conversation.

"Who's blowing you up?" I asked.

Teddy glanced at his phone and then back to the TV. He handed me the phone with his jaw set tight.

I scrolled through his notifications. There were a few texts from the girl he was kind of seeing, but most were from his mom. They were all in Spanish, so I couldn't read them.

"Ben texted," I said as I scrolled through his unread messages. "Wants to know if you're up to a show tomorrow."

"Who's playing?"

"You could text him back to find out," I suggested.

"I'm not doing phones right now." Teddy didn't make any eye contact when he said that.

"I'll delete them, ok?" I said gently. He just nodded. I didn't need to clarify what I was deleting. I deleted all the unread texts from his mother, silenced notifications from her, and offered his phone back. Teddy took it and dropped it on the table without looking.

"You going to answer Ben?" I reminded him. Teddy just shook his head. I called Ben on Teddy's phone.

"Why are you answering a text with a phone call?" Ben asked as soon as he picked up. He was a master of avoiding phone calls at all costs, but he would always answer for everyone's best friend Ted.

"He's not," I answered.

"Oh, hey!" Ben greeted me happily. Oof. I loved the way he sounded when he wasn't pretending to be too cool to be happy. "Where the hell have you been?"

Avoiding him was the truthful answer. Ben wasn't mine. He had never been mine. He was too put together for my bullshit. Benji was a year ahead of Ted and I, and he had gone straight to higher ed as soon as he graduated. He was home for the summer before his senior year for the next few months.

I'd hoped the crush I harbored for him through highschool would have waned while he was away at college, but I wasn't that lucky. He came back every summer more confident, more beautiful, and carrying more of that indescribable, sharp spark that attracted me in the first place. Ben had a boyfriend back at school and a promising future that didn't include a fuck up like me, so I stayed distant.

"I've been working a lot," I lied. "Ted's not doing phones right now, so I'm playing secretary. What's the show tomorrow?"

"Is Teddy ok?" Ben asked me quietly. I glanced at Teddy. He looked ok. Annoyed, mostly.

"Seems like it," I answered vaguely. "So who's playing and can I tag along?"

"You're always invited, dummy," Ben scoffed. "You just have to pry yourself off

Mike

. He's

not

invited, in case that wasn't clear."

"He's not my boyfriend," I chuckled. "And even if he was, I'm not attached at the hip like you and what's his name."

"Ryan dumped me in March," Ben said dryly. "Maybe you'd know that if you kept up with your friends."

"Oh, sorry," I tried to sound sympathetic, but I was a little thrilled. It was hard to watch Benji texting and mooning over some asshole who wasn't good enough for him. None of them were ever good enough for Benji.

"Anyway, it's Freddy's Dead and Notch Club tonight," Ben answered. Hm. Two local punk acts. Right up Ben and Teddy's alley, but not really my thing. "So nothing to grind on strangers to. You still in? You can mosh with me and Theodore."

"I'll go if I can buy you a drink," I said. "Ted can DD us." I heard Teddy snort. I shot him a cheeky grin.

"Sure, you can buy me a warm beer," Ben snickered. "It's at Local. No real drinks."

Even less appealing. Still, I hadn't been out with my two best friends in a long time. I agreed to go and promised I'd make Ted go, as well.

...

Maybe going to the show was a bad idea. Ben was so beautiful when he let go. I tried not to be too obvious watching him, but he was so tall and slender, with graceful, thin limbs and the most delicate features. His locs had long escaped the tie that held them back at the beginning of the night, now bouncing around his shoulders and falling across his perfect face with an appealing, tempting messiness. I didn't tuck those stray locs out of his eyes, he hated to be fussed over like that even by the men he dated, but it was a hard thing to resist.

Ben and Ted were happy in a mosh pit, jumping around and shouting, claiming their space with the confidence of two men fully in their element. I wasn't so happy there, but I didn't even consider slipping out of the crowd and risk missing Ben's unguarded, happy grin. He was normally so reserved. It felt like a privilege to see him drop that act to just have fun.

Oof. I needed to rein it in.

Someone broke me from my reverie by wrapping their arms around me, trapping my arms and nearly picking me up. That could really only be one person.

"What are you doing at a punk show?" Mike shouted in my ear.

I jerked my head at Teddy and Ben. Mike laughed and dropped me to fight over to Teddy and toss an arm around his shoulders. Teddy grinned at him. Ben openly glared.

I took the opportunity to drag Ben out of the crowd to what served as a bar at the glorified trash heap of a venue. It had been some kind of shoe store at one point. Whoever owned the place gutted it so it was just one big room with a stage in front of the roll up loading dock door.

"Why is Mike here?" Ben asked me accusingly.

"Probably dealing," I answered. "I didn't tell him I was coming."

"Oh," Ben softened. He gave me a wary look, "Are you going with him?"

"No, I'm with you and Ted tonight," I said firmly. "I haven't seen you in ages."

"That's on you," he reminded me. "I've been home for weeks."

I just shrugged. I didn't feel like lying.

Ben accepted a room temp can of bottom shelf beer, the best thing I could buy him at that place, and tapped his can to mine after he popped it open.

"It's good to see you," he said. "I missed this."

That was too heavy for me, so I just asked him about school and watched him talk. His dark eyes were excited as he described the most boring business management classes I could imagine. Benji was really going places.

Mike and Teddy found us between sets. Mike grabbed me with his usual familiarity and shook me by the shoulders. His eyes were dilated, but he didn't seem to be that high. He usually went pretty easy when he was dealing, otherwise he gave too much away for free.

"Hey, look! The valedictorian is here!" Mike said and grinned at Ben.

"I wasn't valedictorian," Ben scoffed.

"Ok, smart guy," Mike shrugged amiably. "I got some good stuff tonight and you get a discount for being Ira's buddy. You're a pills guy, yeah? Bennies?"

"No bennies," I interrupted. Ben had panic attacks on any kind of upper. I didn't want him to have to deal with that just because Mike could be pushy.

"I got some blotters, but they're kind of hit or miss," he offered. "Or Ira's favorite?"

Ben and Teddy both looked at me. They didn't know what he meant by that. I wasn't particularly interested in explaining how much coke Mike and I were blowing through lately.

"Yeah, sell me whatever X you have," I said. Mike caught on and ran with it. For all his ridiculous party boy affectations, Mike was smart. He knew how to be discreet if he wanted to be.

Mike sold me two chalky purple tablets at a bottom rung rate with his endearing grin. He arched an eyebrow meaningfully at me with his back to Ben and Teddy.

"You finally making good on that crush?" he asked me under the cover of the general chaos of noise.

"Not with you here," I snickered. Mike clutched at his chest, miming like I'd stabbed him in the heart.

"You can fuck me about it later if it doesn't go your way," Mike said and slapped my back before tapping his head in an annoying, sarcastic salute to Ben and Teddy as he disappeared back into the crowd.

Ben watched him go and cast a dubious look at me. I grinned and offered him one of the tablets.

"How can you two stand him?" Ben asked. He took the tablet and washed it down with his beer. I popped my own bitter, chalky tablet in my mouth and followed suit. Teddy sighed and went to the bar. I figured he would be back with bottles of water for both of us. You could always count on Teddy to remember shit like that.

"Mike? He's an acquired taste," I answered. "Let's get some air."

I took Ben outside to come up. He struggled with it. He wouldn't ask me for help, but he always let me take care of him as long as I didn't actually mention it. We sat against the building in the gravel with our backs to the bricks. They were still warm against our backs from the sun.

We chatted for a little while, but as soon as that rush started, Ben stopped talking. He pulled his knees up to his chest and rested his forehead against them with his eyes clenched shut. I tentatively rubbed his back as he shuddered.

Coming up didn't bother me, but Ben told me it felt entirely too much like the beginning of a panic attack for him. Ben leaned on my shoulder and let me distract him with dumb jokes and gentle, soothing touches. I knew he was getting past it when he started leaning into my touch and answering my stupid comments with his usual snappy sarcasm.

Teddy eventually found us to deliver two bottles of water. He rolled his eyes at us tangled together and excitedly chattering about nothing in particular.

"You two coming back in or am I dancing alone tonight?" Teddy asked.

Ben hopped up too fast. He blinked stupidly and giggled when Teddy caught him as his knees gave out.

"This is going to be a whole thing, isn't it?" Teddy chuckled good naturedly.

"I'll watch him," I said. I stood up more carefully. Ben probably didn't get high much during the school year. Besides being too responsible to risk his grades, Ben had to trust the people around him before he would be so vulnerable. I wasn't like that. I didn't really care who was around as long as I could leave my brain behind.

"I don't need a babysitter," Ben argued. Teddy and I both just laughed at him as Teddy herded us back inside.

...

Ben

Ira wouldn't mosh with us, but he would absolutely grind on me when he was tripping even if the music didn't call for that.

My skin was pleasantly ablaze and the music was pounding all thoughts from my head. Ira's firm body grounded me in that wave of senseless noise. He kept me safely anchored to him with one strong arm around my waist.

There had always been a part of me that found Ira attractive even beyond his obvious superficial qualities. No one could deny his good looks. He had the otherworldly beauty you would find in a fashion model with his ghostly complexion, white blond hair, and eerie gray eyes. He had a confident, easy smile that lit his open face like a ray of sunshine. His dedication to the gym left him with a deliciously dense, well-muscled body that felt heavenly pressed against me in that crowd.

But Ira was also caring and sweet under that cocky attitude. Just that night, he had already kept me calm through that awful panicky feeling I always got at the beginning of a full body high and was making sure I stayed with him and Teddy in the crowd. I wasn't sure if he realized how much he went out of his way to care for his friends.

I didn't encourage those feelings normally. Ira and I were friends. I didn't want him to think I was pushing for more than he wanted from me. I probably shouldn't have indulged myself when I was high, either, but Ira always happily danced with anyone who showed interest. I figured I wasn't going to make anything weird between us if I kept it contained to the mutual pleasure of skin on skin lost in the crowd.

Ira handed me off to Teddy at some point and disappeared into the crowd. I blinked in confusion at the sudden loss of Ira's solid presence at my back, exchanged for Teddy's firm hand on my elbow.

"Where did Ira go?" I asked Teddy, leaning in close to practically scream in his ear. Teddy looked unhappy. He tried to shrug off my question. "Teddy! Where's Ira?" I demanded.

"Mike grabbed him," Teddy said with a wince.

He went with Mike? After promising he would stay with me that night? My stupid heart broke a little, but I shrugged it off as best I could. Ira wasn't mine. I didn't really have any right to be upset.

The music and MDMA in my blood weren't enough to convince me that was true.

...

Ira

"Dude, what?" I asked Mike irritably when he dragged me to the bathroom.

He had pulled me off Ben, depriving me of that perfect body and his sweet, sharp smile. I never pushed Ben for anything more than dancing. He didn't really want me, I knew that, but I was happy to be his guard in a crowd and a warm body for him to dance on.

Mike didn't say anything. He just opened a hand to show me a little baggie full of white powder.

"Oh," I laughed. "How much?"

"I'll trade you a bump for a kiss," Mike purred in my ear.

"You jealous that I'm getting hard on someone else?" I asked him.

"Nah, you'll bring it over to my place after Ben blue balls you," Mike giggled. "He's pretty, but he's a fucking cocktease."

"Not everyone can be a whore like you," I answered.

I reached up and yanked Mike down to my level by his collar. Mike groaned. He loved that shit. I was a little pissed at his backhanded swipe at Ben, so I bit a vicious kiss on his neck, making sure I left a mark that everyone would see. Mike whined at the pain and humiliation of it, but I felt his erection growing where his body was pressed to mine.

"That's the best you're getting from me right now," I growled. "Does that earn me anything?"

Mike whimpered and offered me the baggie. I tapped out some powder on the flat web of skin between my thumb and pointer. Mike did the same as he watched that measured amount disappear up my nose. It was just enough to sharpen me up, not enough for Ben or Teddy to catch on.

"What do we call this? Coke flipping?" I asked Mike as my heart raced.

"Shit," Mike giggled and rubbed at his nose. "That's going to get expensive if this is fun."

"It's already expensive," I pointed out. Mike didn't keep great track of what I owed him. He was strict about payment with other people, but didn't really care when it came to me. I didn't take advantage. The fringe benefits of being friends with benefits, I supposed.