It was a warm, sunny afternoon and my friend Tick and I were sitting under a tree on the Riverwalk, on a grassy patch under the Main Public Library reading. It was a rare occasion for Tick to find a book interesting enough to read, but apparently the steamy romance novel he found on one of the City Shelter's book shelves was doing it for him.
Yes, we caught a few looks from tourists who weren't expecting literate homeless people to be part of their tour, but we didn't mind. If anything, it boasted that our city's library system was better than theirs was, if it was inspiring even the homeless to crack open a book. I always had a personal hatred for stereotypes, especially when they were focused at me and my friends. I mean, I've met more homeless people with college degrees than I can count.
Anyway, we were enjoying the shade, reading our books, when Psycho came walking up to join us. He was a big man, tall and well built, with a mess of dark brown hair. He was in need of a shave and was wearing a dingy white t-shirt above Army green cargo pants and a pair of work boots that had seen better days. I liked him, and socialized with him on occasion, but thought he wasn't particularly interested in me. The same could be said with most of the hottest straight guys on the streets.
"What's up?" he asked as he came to stand over us.
"Not much," Tick answered, "This bitch has me reading. I think her big brain is contagious or something."
"I don't have a big brain," I admonished him humbly. I was well read, but I earned my degree in street smarts the hard way. On the streets, only street smarts count, and I was no genius when it came to common sense.
"Doesn't matter anyway," Tick purred, "I'm interested in something big, and it ain't brains."
"I would agree," Psycho blushed, "Only I'm not looking for something big. I already have the big."
"Prove it," Tick challenged.
Without hesitation, Psycho unfastened his pants, then looked around carefully. Once he was satisfied he was in the clear, he pulled them down, revealing a good nine inches of thick, flaccid meat. He pulled them back up quickly and fastened his pants again.
"Holy fuck!" Tick exclaimed, "Where have you been hiding that thing, and why haven't you given it to me yet?"
"Well, to begin with, I'm straight. Then there's the effect that the Thorazine I have to take has on my junk." He kicked at a root bashfully, "I can't get it up."
"I didn't know you took psych meds," I said.
"You know about Thorazine?" Psycho asked, obviously surprised.
"Are you kidding?" Tick interjected, "This bitch knows everything about everything."