The Accountant's Secret

I keep a low profile. I'm not on social media, except for my bare-bones LinkedIn page. I live by myself, hanging out in my high rise Manhattan apartment when I'm not on the road for work. My job keeps me on the road a lot.

I'm a crisis consultant for corporations. Shards of glass end up in your company's baby food? Russian police shaking down your branch office in Moscow? Had an explosion at your chemical plant after ignoring warnings about safety issues? Don't freak out - just call me.

It isn't that I have miracles in my pocket.

Rather, I've handled more than a few of these in my time, and along the way ended up with a deep list of contacts, people you won't find advertised on web sites: public relations specialists, edgy lawyers, forensic accountants, private investigators, personal security experts, dark web citizens, and other "technicians."

I work quickly and discretely, before the situation blows up in the media and hurts a company's stock price -- before protestors even know there is something to protest. My work tends to be, as they say in business-speak, "mission-critical and time-sensitive."

Given my client's preference for discretion, and my irregular schedule, my work doesn't lend itself to having normal social or personal relationships, so I keep to myself, and truthfully, don't stay in touch with a lot of folks. As my ex-wife put it as we were finalizing our divorce, "You're a die-hard loner." She probably was right, at least about that one thing.

And so when my college's alumni office contacted me, I had second thoughts. They asked if I'd speak to students on the topic of "consulting as a career." I do try to avoid being too visible, but as I thought about it I realized that I hadn't been back to Pennsylvania in ages. Besides, my work had hit a lull, as it sometimes does, so I agreed to fly out for alumni weekend, check out the campus, and do a little presentation to a class on entrepreneurship.

A couple of weeks after I agreed to speak I got an IM on LinkedIn from my old college roommate, who I'd lost touch with years ago. "Saw you are coming to town" he wrote, "Beth and I have a place just west of the City. Love to see you and catch up. You can stay with us, we've got plenty of room." It would be good to see him after all these years, I told myself, so I agreed.

Five weeks later I flew to Philadelphia, picked up the rental car, and headed down the Schuylkill Expressway into Amish Country towards that campus on the hill.

James - Jim, Jimmy, or JT for short - was living with his wife in a lovely brick house across the river from campus, in suburbia. He'd gotten a degree in accounting and fit the stereotype: boring, pudgy, glasses perched on his nose, and very methodical. See "nerd" on Wikipedia. But he was a great roommate and a really nice guy.

He greeted me at the door with a bear hug. We caught up as he showed me the house, reintroduced me to Beth, whom I hadn't seen since their wedding, and led me to the guest bedroom. "Dinner will be ready in about an hour, and I'll leave you to get settled."

Dinner was nice - Beth was a decent cook. We filled in the years as we ate - though I was customarily vague, as I always am. They seemed like a nice, if boring, suburban couple growing old and plump together. She had been a school administrator, retiring early, and JT was working for a local branch of a regional accounting firm doing tax returns and company financials. No kids, just a couple of cats they rescued.

I helped them clean up after dinner, and we moved into the living room as JT cracked another bottle of wine, which was having its effect - Beth was getting louder, and JT seemed to slur a word or two as we laughed about past escapades.

Eventually the conversation hit a lull. I didn't want them to think that they had to entertain me - so I filled the lull. "Did you guys want to watch a movie or something?" I asked.

"JT hates to watch movies" Beth said. "He says it's all drivel."

I answered before thinking. "Really? We used to watch movies in our dorm room all the time, VHS tapes back then."

He shot me a glance - which Beth caught. "What was that look Jim?" she asked, as she wrinkled her face in a scrunched up question mark. "You've

never

liked to watch movies."

He apparently didn't know what to say. "What was

what

look?" was the best he could do.

"Don't' give me that innocent 'what' thing" she said. "JT, I saw the way you looked at him. What's going on?"

"OK, well, he's right" JT said. "We used to watch movies a lot back then."

Another silence.

"AND?" Beth declared.

I gave JT a sideways glance. This was his house, his wife - I wasn't going to say a word - but Beth caught that glance, too.

"What is it that you two not telling me?"

I looked at JT - his face was slowly turning pink, probably not due to flushing from the wine. I decided to just jump in.

"We used to watch porno tapes. There was a collection of tapes that used to circulate in the dorm" I said. "We were young. I wouldn't think anything of it these days with all the porn that's all over the internet. Or so I hear." I smiled in an effort to make light of it.

She blurted her reaction, "NO!" as she slapped him on his thigh. "JT! You never told me you liked to watch porn!? You guys! Together?"

This could be tricky. I looked at JT. He was getting redder.

"Yeah" I said. "I mean, we weren't going to find any girls to sit on a couch with a couple of horny college guys watching pornos. And we were curious. So we sat there alone."

Her mouth was hanging open. "So you two just sat there in your dorm getting even hornier watching pornos. The two of you. Wasn't that a prescription for - what do you guys call it - two sets of blue balls?" She laughed as she blurted out "blue balls."

The conversation seemed not to have upset her - in fact, she seemed to be enjoying it, even if JT was growing more uncomfortable by the minute, almost squirming on the couch. I wasn't sure how far this conversation was going, but she seemed to have crossed a line with her "blue balls" reference.

"You know" I said, "they don't actually turn blue. But as long as you take care of it, you know, blue balls can be cured."

"Umm, no, I don't 'know." She said. "So you guys just 'took care of it.' You guys sat there together and got blue balls and then went off and 'took care of it' after watching pornos?"

I didn't say anything - I just looked at JT. He was beet red, and finally spoke, almost mumbling. "Yes, something like that."

Beth was clearly burning with curiosity, and tipsy. "TELL ME!" and she slapped his thigh again, pretty hard this time, and JT flinched.

I looked at him, arched my eyebrows, turned my palms up - a silent message intended to read like, 'I dunno man, tell her what you want.'

JT looked at his wife, and then told her. "Well Beth, we were kids, horny as could be, watching those videos - we, umm, took care of each other. Well, actually, I took care of him."

"SHUT UP!" she blurted out. "What did you do?!" Beth was eating this up.

"You know, I mean...I made sure he didn't have blue balls" said JT.

"So my husband is GAY?!"

"No Beth, we were just open minded, horny guys, exploring."

She turned to me. "What do you think about this?"

"About what? I mean, JT did a good job - he definitely took care of my blue balls." I laughed. "I'd give him a five star review.

"How? What did you do? Tell me everything!!" Beth said as she looked at Jim.

"C'mon Beth, you don't really need the details...you know..." he formed his fingers into a circle and moved his arm, the universal male sign for jerking off.

"GET OUT OF HERE!" she almost yelled.

"Yeah, that too" I said, and chuckled again as I made the same motion with my hand that he just did, and I pushed my tongue inside my mouth against my cheek. Jim shot me a sharp glance.

" 'That too'? Did you put him in your mouth?" she asked.

JT was purple. He said nothing.

"You did! You blew your roommate!" she blurted out. "SO MY HUSBAND WAS A FUCKING COCKSUCKER?"

I interjected. "Beth, let's be fair. JT was a VERY GOOD cocksucker!" I said, and laughed, and I thought I saw Jim smile through his beet-red face.

Now at this point I could feel my cock getting stiff in my pants. It has been years since I had roomed with Jim, and I definitely preferred women - but he had given me some of the best blowjobs of my life, with an enthusiasm and reliability that was unmatched. And best of all, his blowjobs and handjobs came with none of the drama and negotiating that came with every one of my girlfriends.

Beth was wearing an oversize boyfriend shirt and a pair of tight, tan yoga pants as she sat next to Jim on the couch, cross-legged. I thought I saw the start of a damp spot in her crotch. She seemed to be excited about something...and then it became clearer, both her intentions - and her wet pussy.

"I want to see" she said.

I wasn't sure I had just heard that.

"You want to see what?" I asked, to confirm.

"I want to see you two. I want to see my husband take care of you. Suck your cock." I felt my dick twitch as she said that, and she was looking at my pants. "Looks like at least you like the idea."

"Well, he was good." I looked at him with a bit of a smirk on my face.

"No, no, Beth, this is crazy" JT said. "We were college kids. C'mon, we're adults, now, we aren't roommates."

"JT, you lied to me. I asked you, before we got married, to tell me all about your past sex life, and you never mentioned this."

"Beth, no, you asked me about all my old

girlfriends

. I told you all about them, both of them" he said.

"JT, stop it. Don't argue, and get all lawyer-like on me. You know what I meant, and you didn't tell me everything when I asked you back then. Now you need to make it up to me, and I want to watch. Since you didn't tell me, you need to show me. Now."

She stared at him. He seemed to shrink into the couch. The tension hung in the air, and I finally broke it.

"Well look, I'm your guest, and want to be a good houseguest - JT, I'm game if you are." I stood up from the easy chair. It was at that moment that I saw him looking at my crotch, at the lump in my jeans, and I knew he wanted to suck my cock just as he had eagerly sucked it so many years ago, swallowing endless loads of my college jizz.

"Oh my god, yesss" Beth said. JT actually let his tongue slip out to wet his lips a bit, and that's when I was certain he hadn't lost his taste for dick. I started, slowly, to unbuckle my belt, pulled it out and threw it on the floor, and unsnapped the top button on my jeans.

"You too JT" I said to him, as I pulled off my shirt. Beth moved back on the couch to a corner, her eyes darting back and forth between JT and me.

I kicked off my shoes and pushed my jeans down, standing there in boxers, my throbbing erection coiled against my crotch. He pulled off his shirt, stood up, shrugged out of his khakis, tossed off his loafers, pushed down his pants and boxers in one move, and plopped back down on the couch.

"Oh my god" Beth said, looking at his tiny dick, erect under his pot belly. "You are turned on by this, aren't you?! You still like to suck cock!" His face went from red to purple, and as she said this she was rubbing the outside of her yoga pants, the wet stain now clearly obvious as her juices stained the crotch.

I walked over the couch where he was sitting and pushed down my boxers, freeing my cock to spring up, pointing it directly at his face, as Beth said "OOhhhhh..." I looked at her. Her hand was now inside her yoga pants, and I could see it moving as she rubbed herself up and down her slit.

"Go ahead" I said to JT, and leaned forward. He raised a hand as if he were in a trance, tentatively wrapped it around my throbbing shaft, and then leaned forward. He licked my cock once, barely, and then again, and - as if it all came back to him - he opened wide and took the swollen head of my prick into his mouth. He swirled his tongue around the head, just like he as used to, and I heard myself moan. "That's it, like that" I said.

"That is SOO hot" Beth gasped. I could hear her fingers in her pussy, the soft squishing sounds of flesh as she fucked herself. She looked at me. "Is my husband a good cocksucker? Does he suck dick good?"

"Oh my god yes" I said, as I bit my lip.

"Fuck his face" she said, "the way he fucks me with his tiny thing."

I leaned in, pushing my cock into his mouth, deeper and deeper, until he gagged - and I heard Beth laugh. "Yeah, that can happen sometimes, though not with his dick." She laughed again and pointed, but I couldn't see down over his belly.

I started to fuck his mouth for real - and he was doing his best to keep up, holding my shaft, slobbering on my knob. Drool was running down his chin, and I was egging him on - "suck it Jim, like that, and rub my balls, you know how much I liked that" as I pumped his mouth like a sloppy pussy.

That's when I heard Beth making a strange noise. I looked over, and was pretty sure she was cumming as she was watching and masturbating. She was almost shivering, her breath was ragged, like she couldn't catch it, and she was bent over as if she was trying to jam all of her fingers in her cunt at once. The front of her yoga pants were folded down to make room for her hand, and I could see the top of her brown bush as she fucked herself.

As her orgasm seemed to subside I groaned out - "He's a natural, a great cocksucker" and she had another orgasm, shivering and moaning in small spasms on the couch, two feet away from us.

It was too much - I was going to shoot my load. I hadn't cum in weeks, and was aching to empty my balls - blue balls indeed. "He likes to swallow, too, right JT?" He did the best he could, while being fucked in the face, to nod and grunt a kind of assent, "Umm huh, umm huh" - but Beth had other ideas.

"No, no you don't - he can have the leftovers, I want that thing inside me. You, sit on the floor" she said as she pointed a finger at JT. She pushed down her yoga pants and threw them off, scooted over on the couch, turned around, her cracks facing me, and bent over the back of the couch. JT, who was now sitting on the floor, was between us.

"Honey, put him in me, put his cock in me." JT reached up to hold my cock, and I leaned in.

"Make sure we're nice and wet JT" I said. He craned his neck to lick the head of my cock, and then ran his tongue along Beth's pussy lips. I leaned in some more. "Tease her with it, JT, run that fat mushroom head up and down her slit."

I felt her swollen lips on the tip of my dick as JT rubbed it up and down her swollen and dripping labia. She tried to squat back to get me inside her, but I pulled back to frustrate her. "Give it to me" she hissed, and so I did, plunging all the way into her all at once, and she gasped. She was sopping wet, tight, and I felt her pussy stretching, as up until now it had only been penetrated by JT's tiny prick.

I took it slowly - I didn't want to rush this, and besides, I was so fucking turned on I was ready to shoot my load. I stroked in and out of her slowly, grinding against her ass when I hit bottom. JT must have had quite a view, my shiny cock slithering in and out of his wife's cunt, but he was so busy he probably didn't notice.

He was trying to fondle my balls, and lick my cock as it slid in and out of his wife's vagina, as if he were trying to lick her juices off my shaft. I could feel his fingers and tongue, and his chin and nose against my balls as they dragged back and forth across his face.

"Can you reach her clit, JT? Because I'm going to fill her cunt up any minute now. I bet you'd like a taste of that, too, just like you used to when you sucked me off in the dorm?"

And then it happened all at once - he craned his neck to find her tiny button with his tongue, and she started to cum again when he licked her clit. The spasms from her pussy on my cock were all it took, and I grunted like a caveman and pounded against her ass as I shot my spunk deep inside her, once, twice, three times, and then a final spurt.

No more blue balls.

I held my cock in her for a moment until she slumped forward on the back of the couch, and then I pulled out slowly, leaving her pussy gaping and cummy. JT started to immediately lick my softening dick, cleaning my jizz, but I was too sensitive at that point - "easy, easy" I said, "why don't you slurp it out of your wife's hole?"

I reached up to grab her hips and guided her down onto his face. He lapped and licked and slurped, and almost immediately she came again, grinding down on him, as he ate the huge cream pie I had left for him.

It was then that I saw him stiffen and heard him grunt - with no hands, without being touched, he came, his tiny dick twitching and spurting on his belly and legs and the carpet - and she knew immediately.

"Jesus Jim, did you just cum?" she said, as she was catching her breath. A muffled "uh huh" was heard from under her crotch, still planted on his messy face.

"You love this and have been keeping it from me for all of these years?" she said, breathlessly.

She climbed off the couch and stood over him, her pussy just above his face. "I bet there is a little more in there for you - want it?" He nodded his head up and down, his face shiny and slicky with our juices. She strained for a second, like she was taking a shit, and then two more gobs of my cum came out of her in slow motion in long strings, a white shiny strand connecting her just-fucked pussy to his face. He stuck out his tongue to catch the gooey drips as she looked down and watched.

"What else? What else, my little cocksucker, should I know?"

And what we both found out, over the rest of the weekend, was that he liked her panties and bras almost as much as she did - and didn't look half bad in them, especially when he had my cock in his mouth.