The C&s Club

The first few days back on the project, Aaron is busy with doing a lot of coordination with some of the other sub-contractors. Things are coming together and this is said to be one of the most modern and sophisticated dairies in the world. All I know, it's huge. So far the space under the roof has been wide open and easy to get around in, but now the maze of corrals and such are going in and getting in the way of our motorized lifts. Aaron says it's just that phase of the project where everyone gets in each other's way. We put in ten hour days — Aaron told me he planned for it in the bid. I'm not complaining, Mom and Clair need as much as I can earn.

After our long weekend and the time spent together as Aaron took me deeper and deeper into my place under him, we seem to mesh like the gears of a Swiss watch. It seems like we should both be worn out after a long workday and sexually satisfied after our long weekend of so much sex — but I think we're both more horny now than ever. I guess it makes sense though, before he hadn't bred me — I had no real idea of how much I needed that and now I know for a fact that I have to have it — I crave his cock inside of me and the more he breeds me, the more normal and good it is. I think it's the same for him; he went a long time without a mate and after getting sex every night, it seems to make him want more too.

Maybe the biggest surprise is the shift I feel inside. It's strong and I can't deny it — I know I'm becoming like my new friend Mani. Getting the cock so much, my pussy-hole is definitely changing. Not only does Aaron fit inside easily now, the feelings inside as he breeds me are getting more intense in such a wonderful way — like Mani, I'm falling down the rabbit-hole of becoming a blend of male and female. That which was once just a whisper deep inside of my soul, now has become a bold feminine voice demanding to be set free. Still, the part of my soul that is male demands his place too, but in a softer and quieter voice — I float in this erotic blend that is becoming me.

***

Aaron's weight presses me into the mattress of our bed — I can feel every millimeter of his cock as it slides so easily into me, then every millimeter as it slides out, caressing my pussy-hole and taking me deeper and deeper into my new reality. My toes curl in pleasure as the sensations I've become addicted to radiate around my hole into my bums and then flow down out from there — in my mind's eye I see a woman on her back — it's Clair as Aaron breeds her. In my mind's eye, I become Clair — it's as if we too have joined as one and I wish she could meet Aaron — I wish he would mount her and show her what real love is all about.

My lover is reaching his own climax, I know him so well now and I can tell that it won't be long before I am once again filled with his seed. The man-flesh that was already hard just became harder — the strong manly thrusts just became more forceful — the breaths near my ear just became more labored. His growing arousal makes my own take flight to soar and when he moans and pushes deep inside, I too soar with him and let my orgasm spill onto my belly between us.

We lay there as usual, two bodies that can't move except for the huge breaths needed for survival. Aaron slowly softens inside of me and I wish again that he could stay inside of my body all night. In these moments after submitting to his cock, I feel small and safe under him — I embrace the feelings. More and more I accept my role — my place. The night at the club was the beginning. Since then my walls have been breaking down little by little and it's in these moments — these times laying here with him after he has bred me — these times when I am still tingling inside where he's been, when I'm almost paralyzed by such pleasure that I never imagined — after getting fucked, I feel myself going deeper into my desire for more life and accepting who and what I am.

*****

The crew quickly falls into our routines again as the project enters the final stretch. The owners have been around more as they too finalize their plans to take possession and get into production. The final completion date is projected to be in three weeks.

Our nights find Shannon and me in our own comfortable routines. First thing after work we share a shower. Then, he cooks, I clean up and we watch a little TV. Bedtime is our true downtime and sleeping with him is a part of life that I never want to go away. It's there that we not only share our bodies, we also share our thoughts and our lives. I've never had someone to do that with, male or female, and I don't want to be without it ever again.

When the call comes in on his cellphone, I turn the TV off with the remote and listen.

"Hi sis, you're calling late tonight — what's up?"

"When did he do that?

"Are you okay — did you call the cops?"

"You should, if you file charges they can stop him."

"Can you stay somewhere else — what about Samantha?"

"It's not a good time for me to leave the job — we should be finished in a few weeks, but it's really busy right now."

"You didn't tell me that — how long has it been since she took another bad turn?"

"Okay, I'll talk to Aaron and call you back."

I can see it on his face but need to ask, "Bad news?"

"Yeah, looks like it's almost over. Clair said the doctor told her it's time to get prepared."

"What's the deal with the cops?"

"Howard, that's her ex-boyfriend, roughed her up a couple of days ago when she went to tell him it's over between them. Then he used his key to her place to come in last night — sounds like he basically raped her and told her she wasn't going anywhere. Motherfucker made her stay in her bed with him all night."

"Is she going to call the cops?"

"I don't know, she sounded wishy-washy on it to me. Aaron, I know this sucks — it's the worst possible time — but maybe with my Mom getting worse and now this with Howard — maybe I should get back down there?"

"I already decided on that one — you're out of here first thing in the morning. I wish I could go with you, but I just can't. Tomorrow I'll drive you as far as we need to in order to find a car to rent. You go on down and keep me updated." I see the anger and the fear in his face — but no tears.

"I'm sorry Aaron, I didn't want to let you down on this job. We knew it was coming, but it's a shock now that it's here."

"It's just life Shannon. We'll make do and I have no doubt we'll be fine — maybe longer hours, but I don't think anyone's going to mind. There's no other way, so that's final. The main thing is that you get down there and see your mother and find out what's going on with your sister. Before I forget, write down your sister's address down there. If you need me or anything, you're to call — no bullshit now — you just call, okay?"

"I promise. I'll stay in touch."

Aaron calls the other journeyman on the crew and lets him know that he'll be off-sight for a while in the morning and that I have an emergency at home. The day I've been dreading has arrived and I'm not sure what to do — I go to our room and pack a few clothes just to be doing something. When I make it back to the living room, Aaron is looking online ... I look over his shoulder and see he's searching for the nearest car rental business. "I'm really sorry about all of this. I could hitch-hike."

"Don't talk nonsense, I've already decided what needs to be done. I just reserved a car in Burlington — I'll run you over there in the morning and be back here in about one hour. You all packed up?"

"Yeah, I don't need much, I still have some clothes at home and stuff."

"Okay babe, we better get you packed and ready to go in the morning."

*****

Out Of One Life And Into Another

Aaron was right, getting this car was the obvious thing to do. But it feels really odd to be away from him. I never gave it any thought before, he's just always there. It feels weird and wrong and lonely — even this car was him looking out for me — him making the decisions. I drive, only stopping for gas and some take-out for lunch. It's just over a hundred miles to home and the traffic on IH5 is going about seventy mile per hour until I hit Seattle. The traffic is in the late stages of the morning rush and as usual, the traffic slows down to a frustrating crawl.

I call Clair while I inch along and put her on speaker. "Yeah, I'm in Seattle right now and the traffic is pretty slow — but it'll pick up in a few more miles. Any news on Mom?"

"No change. I'm glad you're coming home Shannon. It's been really hard these last few weeks."

"I know, I hated to not be there — but the money has to come from somewhere. Has Howard bothered you anymore?"

"He was calling me but I blocked him. And I asked the manager to change the lock on our door and he did it real fast when I told him what happened."

"Good. I hope he leaves us alone — that jerk is the last thing we need right now. You should have seen Aaron's face when I told him what Howard was doing. He hasn't even met you yet and I think he was ready to drive down last night and beat the crap out of him — and believe me, he could do it so easy. I never liked that guy — what did you see in him, anyway?"

"He was fun at first. Then one night he noticed a picture on my dresser of you and me together from a couple of years ago, he said some stupid stuff about you looking like a fag. Then he said he thinks you are one. We got into an argument. He said he was just kidding, but not in a very sincere way — he was just horny I think and trying to get back on my good side. He tried to smooth it all over, but the more he talked the more I realized that he's a really closed minded guy. I broke it off as nice as I could and asked him to leave, but I could see the anger in his eyes. I mean we only dated a couple of months and he acted like it was an engagement or something — way too possessive. Well, that's my love life — I guess you've been dating milk cows — I'm not sure who had it worse."

"Very funny. You'd be surprised by what pretty brown eyes those milk cows have." It was good to hear her a little more upbeat and I wish again that I hadn't had to leave her and Mom for work. But if I hadn't, I would have never met Aaron. Finally, the traffic thins out and the speed picks up again on the interstate. "Hey sis, I'm out of Seattle traffic — I'll be home pretty soon. See you when I get there."

I know that I'm going to have to tell her about Aaron. It's not that I think she'll freak, we've discussed being bi before. It's just more personal now that there's a name associated with it — it's more real. But since she confessed to having sex with a girlfriend the second semester of college, I know she's absolutely fine with same-gender stuff. For some reason it just seems more okay for women to be intimate together than men. Or is that just me? Or is it the fact that I'm the one taking the cock instead of being the top? I figure that's the bottom line — Aaron's phrase of 'sweet humiliation' applies more to guys like me who are bottoms and submissive. It is sweet when I'm with him, I'll just have to be honest with her — I'm sure she'll understand.

As I drive my mind drifts over to Mom. I wish there were lots of good memories, I know she tried and did her best. It was always just so weird — even as kids Clair and I seemed to know things weren't right. Too many men, too many moves, too many cigarettes and too much booze. And odd as it seems, so much love for us. She had a hard life and she tried, that's enough — I feel the tears and the relief of some of my tension. Death is part of life, someone once told me. It's true, but it doesn't make it any easier. It'll just be Clair and me now ... we have a lot to discuss.

The rest of the drive flies by in quiet thought, but my quiet alone time for thinking is drawing to a close. I wish I could say I'm glad to be back — but I'm not. There's only two things of importance to me here — Clair and Mom. I don't know what comes after this.

***

The apartment building looks the same as when I left. Aaron's house comes to mind and I realize again just how different my life is now. I feel an oppressive weight settle on me, but keep walking to our apartment and knock on the door.

Clair asks through the door, "Who is it?"

"It's just me Clair, open up."

The door is pulled open and Clair is in my arms! "Hello to you too, Sis."

"I'm so glad to see you! You can't imagine how much I've missed you. Come on, let's get inside."

The place looks and smells better than when I left. Clair has done the best anyone could do with this place. "How's Mom? Any news?"

"No, I stayed with her late last night. She's asleep more than awake. She's very bloated and the doctor said it was impossible to try any surgery. She waited too long and the cancer spread a lot — it's in her liver and there's nothing they can do. Right now all they can do is try to keep her out of pain."

"Will she know I'm there?"

"Maybe. She drifts in and out."

"When should we go see her?"

"Any time. You wanna sit and rest awhile first?"

"Maybe just a bit — I need to pee first."

As I walk to the bathroom, she calls out, "You want me to fix you something to eat or drink?"

"Nah, I ate something earlier."

I notice as I go through the house that Clair has been cleaning stuff out. It's a weird feeling, not knowing where to go from here. I have Aaron — who does she have? I have to help her as much as she needs, that much is obvious.

We sit and catch up for a little while and then figure we should go check in on Mom. It's a short fifteen minute drive and now I find myself in a place and situation that I've never faced. We check at the nurses station on Mom's floor and go into her room. She's asleep. There's an oxygen line to her nose and a machine with lots of numbers and graphs on the screen. I watch as Clair goes to Mom and rubs her hand.

"Mom, it's Clair. Can you wake up, Shannon's here."

It's clear to me that she's at least alert enough to hear as she slowly comes around, opens her eyes and smiles up at Clair.

"Shannon's come to see you."

I walk to the bedside and when my mother's eyes find mine, I melt and forget about every mistake she ever made. She speaks so softly that I lean closer and try to read her lips. She's saying my name — and 'I love you.' I bend closer and kiss her on the forehead. "I love you too Mom. I'm so glad to see you."

She tries to say something else — she tries again and I make out, 'I'm sorry — so many mistakes.'

"Don't be silly, we love you and know you did everything for us. We just want you to get better and come home."

She tries again to speak and struggles — I lean closer and make out, 'Take care of Clair.'

"Don't worry about Clair, I'll always be here for her."

Mom sighs and closes her eyes. It's like she held on this long to say these few words — and now I only hope desperately for just a few more words. I watch her labored breathing and silently curse every cigarette manufacturer in the world. Such a waste for her to die at fifty-two years old. She's asleep again and Clair and I sit and watch her struggle for each breath. The nurses come and go. We know of nothing left to do except to just wait and hope for a chance to say a few more words to our mother. As I sit here, I let go of every resentment, every complaint and every judgement I ever had against her. Funny and such an odd feeling to have no hard feelings against her now when it's too late ... I savor this moment and know I'll never forget ... never forget to forgive the mistakes and remember the love before it's gone forever.

As we sit in silence, Mom wakes again and both Clair and I go to her bedside.

Her words are but a whisper just loud enough to make out, "I think it's for the best ... so tired."

For the briefest of moments her eyes are alive and her words are clear, "I love you both so much ... forgive me...."

With those words spoken, she exhales one last time, closes her eyes and leaves us alone in our grief and loss. Clair hugs me and I hug her as we sob. The machines are buzzing and soon a nurse comes into the room and checks for a heartbeat. She's looking at us, puts a stethoscope to Mom's chest and holds her finger up in a wait a moment way — after a short time she silently mouths, 'she's gone.'

Our tears run freely and I feel drained — numb in a way I have never felt — Clair is shaking and I help her to a chair.

After some span of time, others come into the room. One asks, "Do you need more time?"

I look at Clair and tell them, "No. We're done."

We look one last time at our mother, I take my sister's hand and we walk out of the room. It's just us two now and it feels really strange — I feel like a zombie walking in a daze.

*****

Back to Tacoma - Will Clair Make Three

Once we get home, I call Aaron to let him know what's happened. "Yeah, she seemed at peace. We both got to say we loved her and she told us she loved us. It was like she was hanging on until I got there. I never knew it's be this hard Aaron." The tears fill my eyes just talking about it — I take a deep breath and try to calm down.

"So what are your plans? Is Clair going to stay down there?"

"I don't think so. I think I have her persuaded to move up to Bellingham. I can't leave her here all alone — not now. I told her we could share an apartment and that I figured I'd have a job with you."

"That all sounds good except for the part about you and her getting an apartment. You've seen my house, there's plenty of room here for her. Can you get her to come here?"

"You don't think that'd be awkward — I mean, I really miss your bed and you ... but I'm not sure I can be your lover with her around. I mean, it'd be worth it to get her there — I guess we could work it out later what the real solution is?"

"So you haven't told her about us yet?"

"No. It just didn't seem like the right time yet. And now, she's as busted up as me now that Mom's gone. We've never been through something like this."

"Shannon, I've lost people I loved and know what you're going through. But just one word of advice about you and me, don't put it off. At some point she's going to find out about us, the sooner you tell her the better it will be for her and you. That's no BS Shannon, trust me on this one. Secrets are like poison."

"Okay, as usual, you make a lot of sense. And Aaron, just to be clear, I'd never give you up even if Clair were to take it weird."

"Just be honest Shannon, it's always the best course. And keep in touch, I worry about you. Anything, I don't care how small it might be or how stupid you might think it is — if anything comes up that I can help with, you call."

"Okay, I'll do both; I'll tell Clair about us and I'll call every night while I'm here. I love you and miss you more than you can know."

"Oh, I know all about missing someone. Let me know if you need anything. I'd like you two to be up here sooner rather than later. If for some reason Clair doesn't want to stay at my house, we can deal with that when you're both here.

"Okay. Goodnight Aaron — I do miss you and I do love you."

"I love you too, Babe — bye."

After Aaron hangs up, I try to think how to tell my sister that I'm in love with my boss. As I struggle with how to do this, Clair's question fills my ears and my brain freezes in mid-thought.

"So what is it you're supposed to tell me Shannon?"

"I —uh, I didn't know you were awake. It was just Aaron."

"I sort of figured that out from what you said. Are you two plotting about my future, or what?"

"No, not plotting. I just called to let him know how things are going. I told him that you're probably going to move up to Bellingham with me — maybe share an apartment."

"He sounds like a great employer — wish I could find one that cared about their employees."