My story began 6 months ago at my daughter's 19th birthday party. Really it began when my wife, Chris, passed away nine and one-half years ago from an undetected brain aneurism. We were vacationing in Corpus Christi Texas. After a long day at the beach we were all tired and went to sleep around 10 PM. We kissed her good night, and never spoke to her again. I woke up next to her thinking she was too cold. I snuggled up to her to get her warm, never imagining she had passed in her sleep.
It was an extremely trying time for my little girl Amanda and me. Without warning our world turned upside down. I had lost my best friend and soul mate and she, at 9, was at a vulnerable place in development when a mother's love and guidance is essential. I even made the decision to have her repeat 3rd grade.
She was naturally on the lower maturity level for her age before this and given the shock and emotional distress it was the prudent thing to do. Then in middle school and high school I enrolled her in Christian school for a more controlled environment. That is where she met her best friend Jackie. They were both held back a year so were the oldest kids in their class and both only children, so they hit it off from the beginning.
The first year after Chris' death is still a blur. We had to deal with so many things from that morning on. I had no idea about transporting her body back to Minneapolis and no real idea about funeral homes and the many choices I would have to make. We had not really discussed anything about "arrangements." She was only 31 years old and I had finally convinced her that we needed to have more kids. Amanda was not planned, and Rose was trying to establish herself as a marketing director for a large travel agency. We decided we would stop using protection after this trip and let it happen.
My younger sister Sandi was a life saver that year. Since my job requires long hours and some travel, a month after the funeral she moved in with us, while she went to school to study to be a physician's assistant. She got to live with free room and board and provide a motherly influence for Amanda, even though she was twelve years younger than me and closer to Amanda's age than mine.
It worked out great for all of us, given the circumstances. She was only going to school part time, so it took her nearly 7 years to finish. By then, she and Amanda had developed an extremely tight bond. She became so close with Amanda, that people often asked her about her sister, and were surprised when she clarified she was her Aunt.
Without her help, I would not have made it through. Sandi, and I both took a long hiatus from dating, nearly four years. I have since dated several different women, and after six years only four have ever met Amanda and none made the cut with her.
Two year after graduating Sandi married a man she met in school and wound up moving to California a year ago. She has been back to visit three times and even had Amanda out for two visits. But, it had a somewhat devastating effect on Amanda. In a sense she was losing a mother again.
Though we had talked about it at great length and Amanda was happy for her, her anger and resentment continued. Overall we had been inseparable for the first five years after Chris's death, but the past few years have been tough. The past two have been the worst It has been difficult to tell where the emotional distress ended, and hormones began.
In hind sight I wished I had tried harder to convince her to see a therapist when I began to sense the change, but she did not want to do it and had agreed to talk to Sandi about her feelings. They talked several times a week and their relationship seemed to have mended and the resentment softened. This fall she would start attending The University of Minnesota to study Humanities. (Don't get me started on Humanities... When she graduates she will basically be qualified for her current grocery store position!) Perhaps the anxiety of college has added to it. We agreed she would live at home so I thought that would ease the transition.
I had pretty much given up on dating the past three years and found release through porn and masturbation. It was a way to help quell the need for a romantic relationship until Amanda could be on her own. I had amassed quite the collection over the years with lots of lesbian action and increasing focus on anal and the combination there of.
I had dozens of DVD's, memberships in several porn sights and even tried web cams and chats but never quite got into those. They were expensive, and I really did not enjoy dialoging with a real person. The impersonal voyeurism of watching a porn star cock pounding a tight little ass was so much easier to crank off too. And porn lesbians... I love their enthusiasm. As Seinfeld used to say, "I can't disagree with either one of them."
I can't believe I am joking about porn after what has happened. I am so ashamed of what my life choices have caused. But I'm off course, back to my story.
I had built my life around Amanda and keeping her protected and safe. It was my job to shield her from all the bad things that go on in this world. That little girl is and always will be my number one priority. I did not mind sacrificing a romantic life, because she is more important. And no one will ever stack up to my soul mate Chris. In hind sight I shielded her too much causing her current lack of maturity and self centeredness.
My secret porn obsession was my outlet and quite frankly a whole lot easier than dating and more fulfilling. I can get it whenever I'm in the mood and anyway I feel like it, and the ladies all love it.
I do have to admit, the more I saw the more I found myself looking at the harder core, anal with screaming, slutty, horny bitches that love getting fucked hard and sucking cock even harder. Seeing a lady taking it in the ass and loving it as she screams in pleasure, makes my blow every time.
I always made sure Amanda never knew about this hidden part of me. I never want her to feel like the women in porn are in anyway close to depicting the reality of what women want. The porn world is all about what men want. I wanted Amanda to feel respected and valued as a human being, not viewed as an object.
But I digress, back to the birthday party. She was born on June 16th and we had an afternoon pool party. There were lots of friends and Sandi was going to skype from Cali, after the party. Amanda was looking truly happy, laughing, swimming, dancing and having a great time. She was wearing a white bikini and some Daisy Duke shorts over top. She really looked more and more like Chris every day. For her present we booked a trip to Causa Mel in August before school starts.
I was talking with the neighbors and did not see where Amanda had gone. I noticed she was not pool side and we were low on soft drinks, so I headed to the basement to get some more. When I reached the bottom of the steps I could hear Amanda talking to someone in the other room. I moved to the storage room that held the drinks but could not see who she was talking to. Before closing the door all but a crack.
"Damn it Eric, I told you what I want for my birthday. I want you to fuck me! I can't stop thinking of feeling you cum in my hand. I want it inside me! I am so fucking ready. Feel how wet I am right now"
"Amanda honey, I told you we need to take this slow. It is happening just like I warned you. I knew once you saw it, you would obsess about it just like Miss Thomas. It's all she could think about," said the strange kid I had never even met. "She had to transfer schools because she couldn't control herself. She's married for Christ's sake.
I wanted to burst through the door and beat the shit out of him but, it seemed like Amanda was more the problem than he was.
"She's crazy," said Amanda loudly. After a brief pause she began to whisper. I had to put my ear to the door to hear. "I'm not crazy, just horny. I want you to fuck me in every damned Orifice. I'm not asking you to marry me sweet heart. I'm asking to let me use that big fucking cock, till I wear your ass out."
"Mandy Honey, you've been telling me you love me for 18 months and now you want to play the "in it for the sex" routine, all the sudden? This is serious baby, you need to see someone about your porn issues. Are you sure no one's touched you inappropriately as a child? You are such a great person and I really feel strongly about you, but you have some twisted thoughts. Please let me find you a counselor to talk to."
"You're gay, aren't you? No other 21-year-old male in the world would not want this."
"No, I'm not gay but I want to be sure you're ok and make sure you're ready. I can't deal with another Mrs. Thomas," he said almost angrily. "You're too important to me Amanda. It's not about sex for me."
"I am sure sweetie, and your roommates gone, It's perfect timing. I'll sneak out tonight after my dad's asleep, you pick me up at the usual spot. I'm ok with going slow. Honestly, I'm not sure how that thing could even fit, (He sighed and sucked in a breath. I was pretty sure she just grabbed his cock.) but I want to feel you in me Eric and I want it tonight," said Amanda emphatically.
"I know it's your birthday Baby, but I love you and I don't want to take advantage of you. Shouldn't I at least meet your dad and see how that goes before we take things to a new level? "He said innocently.