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"Todd?"
I'd made it back to the house in time to clean myself up and leap into bed. In fact, by the time I heard Poppa Steve open my door and call out my name, I was just about asleep.
His voice, though, stirred me--its deep, supportive tone telling me everything was going to be okay.
"Yeah? -- that you, Steve?" I saw his hugeness silhouetted against the hall light as he entered.
Not switching on the lamp, he instead sat on my bed, the available light casting shadows on his square-jawed ruggedness. "You've had a big day, boy."
I scooted up against my pillow, nodding, examining what I could see of his eyes.
"Poppa Steve?"
"Yes?..... You can tell me anything, Todd. And I mean, ANYTHING now...."
I let out a deep, shuddering sigh.
"What is it, Todd? C'mon, boy..."
"I had me a big night, too, Poppa!"
His gigantic shoulders and chest tensed under his lumberjack shirt, his face turning to stare directly into my eyes. "You were out there, weren't you? I thought I heard...."
"....me and Tom and Jeb...."
He ran his large hands up his face and through his black, wavy hair. "...oh, Jesus, Mary and Joseph..."
"....I stayed here in my room like you told me, but then it got so lonely! I didn't know if you were even...."
"....th' toothpaste's sure out of the tube now, huh, Steven?" he said to himself, looking straight up at the ceiling, shaking his head.
"We had to find out--you know--learn about being a man...."
"....I want you to know I'm not a queer, Todd..." his voice was so low and still, I barely heard him.
"...Shit! WE ain't either!!!" My eyes blazed, my vehemence catching us both by surprise.
Suddenly we caught each other's eye and smiled, then began laughing. It was a good, soul-cleansing moment, realizing, knowing that in all honesty we probably were queer... AF!
His big hand came over to ruffle my dark-brown hair. "It was hot, huh? -- being with Juan?"
We both grinned knowingly, then laughed for what seemed like whole minutes, laughed till tears came.
"Look, Poppa Steve--I heard what you said...you know, to Juan..."
He gazed at me, not speaking, waiting for me to finish.
"....and Tom n' Jeb ain't gonna breathe a word--not one word--to ANYONE!"
He searched my face, his dark, dark eyes fixed on mine.
"I know them real good! And when they swear silence--hell, Poppa--they MEAN it!...."
He nodded a bit. "Ok--so tell me this then..."
"What?"
"I know Juan--or at least I think I do." He paused. "But I gotta ask this..."
"Shoot."
"Did he force any'a you -- you know -- get you to do stuff you didn't want...."
I shook my head. ".... heck no! Me n' Jeb n' Tom pretty much MADE him! He kept saying he had to get back to his chores!"
"...swear to God?"
I solemnly raised my right hand. "And hell, Poppa-- we needed to know! We were in a bad way--so scared of our own bodies and not knowing what to do about it...."
".... well, you sure know NOW, huh?" His big hand grabbed my knee through the covers. "You've learned more in one day than I did over whole years."
"Poppa?" I smiled nervously.
"What?"
"You want to join our 'Horny Club'?" I could barely ask the question, my voice all breathy.
He dug his hand into his shirt and rubbed his muscular, yet pliable, hair-forested pecs. His face looked serious and stern, making me instantly wish I hadn't asked--making me want to take it back.
"That depends." A slow smile spread over his wide lips. "....who's the President?"
"Tom, I think!" I started to giggle in relief. "It was his idea!"
Poppa leaned over and kissed my forehead, then pulled the covers to my chin and stood up. "I'd rather be in on things and know what's going on, than say 'no'. You're not my flesh-in-the-blood real son, but you've come to be like one to me, and I don't want you coming to any harm."
"Super!" I smiled.
"Thank th' lord we live on a farm," he walked to the door, his 6' 2", broad-shouldered body silhouetted by the light. "And thank god your momma made me plant that cedar hedge around it before she took off an' left us. I think we're gonna need all the privacy we can get!"
"Goodnight, Poppa."
"Goodnight, Todd. You're a good boy. So are your buddies."
"So's Juan, Poppa."
"Yep. So's Juan. He must have helped you discover things you were bound to find out anyway. And stuff like this can turn out a whole lot worse...."
".... Billy Jacobs got Sally Rundle pregnant! They're dropping out'ta school come fall....."
"Yep!" he sighed. "This sure as shit could've been a whole lot worse!"
"None'a us can get pregnant, Poppa!"