I was finishing up the dishes when I looked through the window over the sink and saw Joe in the backyard. He was tugging on the new tire swing I'd attached to the old maple tree in the back yard as a surprise. He looked concerned, as he tentatively leaned his weight against it, and I chuckled to myself at his unease. I ducked my head and watched as he stepped gingerly into the center until he was standing on the rim, his hands firmly grasping the thick nylon rope that attached the old truck tire to the branch some 20 feet above his head. The tree limb groaned slightly, but I knew it was solid enough to hold both of us at the same time.
This was too good to pass up. I threw down the rag I'd just wiped the table with, then quietly tiptoed out the back door and stepped into the yard. Joe was too busy testing the rope's strength by hopping up and down to hear me approach.
"You scaredy-cat!" I said, loudly enough to make him jump again. "I'd have thought for sure that by now, you'd have stopped worrying about the thing breaking!"
He twisted in the wind until he was facing me. He was grinning, but it was that 'naughty boy' smile he used when he was secretly a little embarrassed.
"Yeah, well, I just wanted to make sure," he said. "There are some pretty big kids around here, and I don't want to risk any lawsuits."
He flexed his arms and lifted his legs out of the center hole, then widened them and pulled them around until he was straddling the top of the tire where he settled his weight. I grabbed his knees and pulled him, and the tire, to me until his face and mine were even.
"Sweetheart," I whispered and watched the heat of my words spot his cheeks, "After what we did with this thing last night, I'd think you'd realize there isn't a kid alive big enough to get this thing to fall; no matter how hard they tried."
"Yeah," he laughed. "You have a point. That was something else again. I didn't think it would work."
"I told you, you could trust me," I reminded him. "Trying new things can be an exciting experience."
"Just keep reminding me of that," he said, as he leaned over and kissed me.
I grinned. "Haven't I always?"
"Oh yeah," he whispered as he rested his forehead on mine. "And I've always been so glad you did."
And so was I, I thought to myself. Though there had been times when I hadn't been sure at all of the outcome...
July 24th, 1989
It had been a really shitty day. Two of the younger associates at work had started it off by screaming at me because the research wasn't done on a case they had to present at a pre-trial meeting to the partners. Never mind the fact that they hadn't even given me the assignment until a mere twenty-four hours before.
Then, one of the bigwigs came in and handed me a list of precedents he needed yesterday. And another one wanted to know why I hadn't found time to write up a motion he'd given me a couple of days ago, conveniently forgetting that he'd said there was no hurry, and to 'work at it at my own speed.'
Between this and all the other bullshit I had to deal with, I didn't get out of there until well after eight, which meant I'd been sitting on my ass staring at a computer for the better part of twelve hours. Pen had taken pity on me and had shared her lunch of fruit and yogurt, but otherwise I'd had nothing in my stomach all day except coffee. At least it was Friday, and I didn't have to be back in that hellhole for another two whole days.
Okay - maybe not a hellhole - not really. All things considered, it was still a pretty good place to work and leagues above what most students had for employment. The problem really wasn't work; it was me. I just wasn't in the mood for office politics.
Of course, there wasn't much I was in the mood for lately. It'd been a month since my disastrous phone call to Joe. We hadn't spoken since. I'd written twice and started a dozen more, and Joe had sent me a few postcards showing the sights he wasn't seeing in Rome and saying, in as few words as possible, that he was okay. But it wasn't nearly enough to make me feel better about the whole fiasco.
I could manage to shove it to the back of my mind for only so long anymore. I'd be working or running an errand or just kicking back... And suddenly, I'd get this sinking sensation in my stomach that usually meant my brain was reminding me I'd forgotten to do something important. But in this case, it meant that somehow my internal clock was telling me that time was running out - that the longer Joe stayed away, the less chance there was that he'd ever come back.
I tried to tell myself I was just being paranoid. Even if Joe did decide that we could never be friends again, I didn't think he'd do that by cutting me off without a word. But as the days turned into weeks, it was getting harder and harder to convince myself of that.
In my darkest hours, I imagined him in Rome, surrounded by a new circle of jet-setting friends and laughing, forgetting all about me, or maybe turning us into an amusing anecdote complete with shrugs and self-deprecating banter. He'd finish his tale, and the beautiful girl by his side would kiss his cheek and assure him that as funny as the story was, she was sure he was making it the whole thing up. Especially in light of what had happened between them the night before in his bed.
This was nothing more than self-indulgent pity on my part, and I knew it. In fact, I had gotten news from Rome that assured me that the reality of Joe's life there was quite different than my perverse daydreams were making it out to be.
Josh had made good on his promise to call me after he got back from his gig as personal slave to a Vatican dignitary. And he'd wasted no time either in assuring me that he thought that his brother Joe was totally nuts - but not fatally so, and that he'd come around eventually. It was a sentiment I was most grateful for. But it was sometimes hard to remember that, late at night when I was alone in the dark.
I have to admit, I was kind of surprised that this was Josh's attitude. Obviously, I knew he was aware I was gay, so it didn't shock me that Joe had told him what had gone on between us. Even though the twins had drifted apart over the years, I figured Joe would have to have shared something this big with his brother. Hell, that was undoubtedly the reason he'd gone to Rome in the first place.
What did amaze me was Josh's acceptance of the whole situation. He didn't seem in the least bit surprised that Joe was grappling with the issue of his bisexuality. To me, that seemed to be a pretty big thing to be blasé about.
"Look," he said, "Joe has always been a little more interested in guys than he'd have most people believe. I've known that since we were kids."
"You trying to tell me something?" I was joking when I said it, but the silence on the other end of the phone went on little two long and I realized that maybe I'd inadvertently struck a chord.
This was an interesting development. I waited for a minute, hoping that Josh would add to his little revelation. But if there was a story to be told, it didn't look like I was going to hear it from him today. I decided to let him off the hook.
"On second thought," I drawled. "I think we can just leave that topic alone." He chuckled self-consciously and I grinned to myself. Oh yes, I thought, there was a story...
