Additionally, each year for a period of six months one of the two senior members of the Guard served his term as the royal Groom of the Stool. This was an important role, because the Groom shared most of the king's intimate activities and the two spent much time alone together. He was expected to wake the king each morning with a cup of tea, shave him and eat breakfast with him. After breakfast he would accompany the king to the royal toilet, where there were two WCs. Each of them would occupy one and perform his morning bowel movement, after which the Groom, having first wiped his own arse-crack, would then wipe the king's and after flushing away the royal turds, he would escort the king to the royal bidet where he would thoroughly cleanse the royal anus. The king would usually then shower and would be washed and dried by the Groom and sprayed with an expensive male perfume widely used in gay circles called Storing Pour Homme, created by a world-renowned Belgian parfumier. Sometimes however, the king would defer defecating and showering and join his men in their latrines later. As the king's toilet involved handling his most intimate body parts, it required skill, discretion and tenderness. Thus only two relatively senior men of the Guard were allowed to perform the role of Groom. Moreover, unlike the other Guardsmen, the Grooms of the Stool could continue indefinitely beyond the Guards' retirement age of 35, as their counsel was too valuable to the king to be lost, and indeed they had become personal friends. The two Grooms were known as Atlas and Herky, short for Hercules. Herky was the Current Groom of the Stool at the time this story begins.
Both the partner of the week and the Groom of the Stool slept in the king's bedroom. They had separate beds, but often one or both of them would be invited to sleep with the king in a huge bed that comfortably held three. The king was also a voyeur and occasionally the Guard and Groom were expected to fuck one another while the king watched. He justified this behaviour to the Groom by saying that he hoped to learn new sex techniques. The royal bedroom was adorned with paintings of sex between males, varying from Zeus fucking Ganymede to Oscar Wilde buggering Lord Alfred Douglas. Along the corridor leading to the room were further pictures of a similar nature depicting every conceivable aspect of historical gay sexuality: King James sucking George Villiers's cock, Piers Gaveston fucking King Edward II, Philippe Duke of Orleans fucking the Chevalier de Lorraine, a Templars' gay orgy and various popes such as Benedict IX and Sixtus IV having it off with men or young boys. The fact that the events depicted may not have ever taken place never deters an artist!
Every morning the king would inspect his bodyguard at eight o'clock. The men were required to line up into two rows naked and the king would inspect them. The routine was the same each morning. First of all the king would do an arse inspection in which he inspected the rear of each of the men and occasionally would pause to caress, touch or even poke their behind with his finger. Occasionally one would be required to bend over and have his arse-crack inspected. Having done that, the king would then carry out a cock inspection in which again he might fondle, or get hold of a particular male organ and lift it to inspect the balls hanging behind it. Hygiene was rigorous, the men were expected to take a second shower after their afternoon exercise.
The men were prohibited from having tattoos or body piercings, but were allowed earrings, rings, bracelets, necklaces and cock rings. They were not allowed to have sex with women, but were free to fuck one another, and to form relationships with fellow guardsmen. Beards were prohibited as well as shaving any part of the body except the face. They could grow their hair long if they wished, and were expected to use male perfume and toiletries. During the inspections they had to stand up straight with their hands behind their backs, and talking was forbidden. They were allowed to have an erection or to fart if necessary.
After the inspection, still naked, they went to breakfast. After breakfast they were all expected to make a visit to the latrines for their morning bowel movement. The latrine was a large room without stalls or partitions, and each man had his own urinal and WC with his name on it. At one side of the room, facing the other WCs was the Royal Toilet. This had a soft upholstered seat, and an embroidered canopy. Next to it was a plain WC for the Groom. Usually once per week the king would change his routine and he and the Groom of the Stool would join the men in the latrines where the king would abandon royal modesty and do his business in front of the men, and the Groom of the Stool would wipe his shitty arse-crack. The daily communal defecation lasted twenty minutes and was of course a pretty smelly occasion, and two of the men, at the end of the session would go round with a deodorant spray.
All the men then moved to the showers and on the days when the king had joined them to shit, he would also join them in his own special shower, which like the others had no curtain or partition. The Groom of the Stool would wash the king and dry him. The men were supplied with perfume, shampoo, scented shower gel and deodorant. Their day uniform consisted of a loose-fitting jacket and loose baggy trousers, both made of silk. Beneath these outer garments was a brief/slip or jock-strap or thong or g-string. They were allowed to choose the type of undergarment they preferred, which were available in a range of colours, and they were expected to change it after their afternoon exercise, for which of course they wore the appropriate sporting clothes. In spite of the underlying rigorous discipline and lack of leisure, most of the men enjoyed their service in the Guard, and very few left early. Why should they? They had ample opportunity to fulfil the major male needs of plenty of exercise, sex and good food, even if their alcohol was rationed.
