I thought I was about to die. I had persuaded Auntie B that I had to go alone to find the man of my dreams. After arguing back and forth for two months she had agreed and had settled a remarkable amount of money on me. I journeyed as a man, for obvious reasons, though my masculine clothes already felt to me as though they were a disguise. I went to the first city the sixteenth century traveller had mentioned after he left the country where men-women were prized. I inquired about the countries around and sought out historians who might know accounts of other travellers to strange places. At last I encountered a man who claimed to have been in contact with what he called 'heathen tribes' many years before and, for a large honorarium, he agreed to be my guide. I pretended I was an anthropologist searching for forgotten cultures.
At first we travelled on horse-back through lush savannah where game was plentiful. In my former life I had learnt to ride (both astride and side-saddle) and to shoot with rifles and pistols so we were never short of meat for the pot. After a week the land became stonier and then turned to sand. We left our horses at a caravanserai and hired camels. Then life became hard, beginning with a sand-storm which blew for days, wiping out our sense of direction and stinging our eyes, so that we rode much of the time blind. Whether my guide had really been this way before, I do not know; I think he was, by his own lights, an honest man, but one who had not been able to resist earning good money by exaggerating the extent of his knowledge and experience. We had hired four men to assist us and so we entered the desert as a party of six. Three nights into the sandstorm we woke to find the four new members of our party had gone; presumably they had realised the limits of our guide's abilities before I did. Two nights later I woke alone; my erstwhile guide had taken both camels with him. I was left with my water bottle, a strip of dried antelope meat and my pistol. As the sun rose the sand storm subsided. The heat rapidly became unbearable. I had no idea of the direction from which we had come since the wind had obliterated all marks we had made.
I tried walking but that soon became torture. I found a thorn bush and huddled below it but it offered only the slightest shade. I tried digging myself into the sand to escape the sun and soon collapsed, exhausted. I decided to walk at night. We had been heading south and so long as there was not another sand storm I could try to navigate by the stars. After another day I had finished my water. That night I lay on my back and prepared to die. I looked up at the millions of stars wheeling slowly above me. Far on the northern horizon Orion the great hunter was rising and I was glad of his company, for all the other constellations which had been the companions of my life had disappeared and been replaced by gods and demons I knew not.
I spoke to Orion. 'Oh, companion of my childhood, you who saw me become the woman I really am, please look through the disguise I am wearing and, if I must die in this dreadful place, bear witness to the woman who will lie here for all time.'
I added, 'Oh husband of the golden visage, I am so sorry. I longed to be your wife and to make amends for my betrayal of you.'
Then I summoned such little strength I had remaining to cry out to the stars, 'Orion, lord, at least let my lord, the golden one, find and bury my bones.'
I closed my tired eyes and slept.
How much later I started to come to consciousness I do not know. I was sitting upright on a horse; strong arms held me tight to a massive chest. Lips kissed my forehead and a voice said, 'Sleep, my darling. You are safe now.' And again I slept.
I half-woke and slept many times. I lay on soft pillows and between fine linen sheets. Hands bathed and fed me. Someone held my hands and I felt bereft when he released them. I sensed, rather than saw, women in flowing garments moving purposefully about me. Then I woke to see sunlight and feel a cool breeze coming through an open window. I felt as if I had entered the morning of the world and everything was coming alive, including me. I turned my head and there, sitting on a low stool next to my bed, was my golden man. I shall never forget the look of overwhelming joy on his face when he realised I had woken fully and could see him.
He sank on his knees beside me, took my face in his hands and kissed me again and again on lips, eyelids, cheeks, murmuring, 'My dearest love. I feared I had lost you for ever. You were almost dead when I found you and you have been away from me for so long I dreaded you might never awake in your right mind.'
A new face swam into my line of sight, that of a beautiful woman.
'Brother,' she said, 'Now your lady is awake you must give leave for the doctor to examine her and decide her treatment.' Then addressing me she said, 'My brother, the Prince, your future husband if you so agree, has sat by your bed each night since he brought you in from the desert ten days ago. It is time he took some rest.'
I asked urgently, 'But how did you find me? How did I see you twice before? What is the name of this land.' My golden man placed his finger on my lips, he kissed me softly and said, 'You will know all in time. There is only one question which matters at this moment.'
Still on his knees he raised my hand to his lips and said, 'Will you do me the great honour of becoming my wife?'
'Oh, please,' I almost shouted, choking back tears of joy.
