Up until a few months ago I never considered myself bi-sexual. And even when the thoughts of being with another man started filtering into my fantasies, I still thought of my self as heterosexual. Sure, I had thoughts like that for the past few years, but nothing like the past few months, and never anything that actually made me hard. I'm not sure when the thoughts and fantasies switched from pure dream to actual desire. But I do know when the yearning stimulated a move to action. That was only a few weeks ago, when I met Jim.
I'm not even sure how we hooked up. Somehow or another he had read something I had posted. I had apparently shared my fantasies/desires on line, something I thought I'd never do, and he responded. He wasn't the first, but I had never responded to any others. My fantasies were mine. Yes, I supposed I did share them. But I had no intention of acting on them. At least I hadn't till I read Jim's email.
He seemed to be very much like me. I suppose Bi-curious would be one way of describing it. Perhaps simply confused would be another. We seemed to be in similar periods of our lives. We enjoyed the company of women in both a sexual and non-sexual way, but we were more than just curious about being with a man. We had both come to the conclusion that it was something we wanted to experience.
Looking back, I think I needed a bit more coxing than Jim did. His email said he'd never been with another man, but he had developed a desire to make love to another man. He didn't talk about blowjobs or fucking, although that was part of the fantasy, he talked about making love. He wanted deep, sensual kisses and exploration on another man's body. For some reason this email struck a cord. He seemed to be looking for what I was looking for, and more importantly, he lived in the area. I responded.
My response showed hesitation. I explained I was new to this and not sure of what I was doing, or where I was going with it. He emailed that he understood, he felt the same, but perhaps we could meet and see if we connected. I still balked. This was a guy I didn't know, a stranger on the Internet, wanting to meet me for the sole purpose of having sex. This was something I had never really considered; yet here I was exchanging email. We were both consenting adults and we both understood clearly what we were talking about. Still, my fantasies always had me as a bottom, so they included me being fucked by another man. I had to decide if I truly wanted to act on this fantasy. Again I sent a cautious email. Perhaps we could meet and see how we interacted. If there was some sort of connection we could go from there, provided we moved slowly. Maybe we could just talk.
To my surprise he agreed. He admitted to being equally nervous. This was as new to him as it was to me. Still, I didn't answer him for a couple of days, and then finally I took the really big step. Since I was single, I invited him over. All that was needed was to coordinate a time. I made it clear that nothing was expected, we would just meet and talk and see what happened. He responded almost immediately and agreed. The best time for him would be in the morning. He suggested Friday, two days away. This time without hesitation, and throwing caution to the wind, I agreed. Now I had two days to think, wonder, fantasize and agonize over the meeting.
There were at least two instances when I started to send an email to cancel the meeting. But then I stopped. I decided I wanted to go through with this. I knew we could stop at anytime if either was uncomfortable. I also knew the premise was to simply meet. There was nothing set beyond coffee.
Then it was Friday. I got up early. It had been a restless night filled with anticipation, nervousness and dread. I really didn't know what to expect. What if we didn't hit it off, how do I politely ask him to leave? How do I explain I've changed my mind if I get cold feet? What if he doesn't like me? The other side of the coin was equally perplexing. What if we do seem to link, what then? Who will make the first move and how?
I made a pot of coffee, showered and dressed. Assuming the possible, I pulled on a pair of jeans and a tee shirt, remaining barefoot. Then I waited. It seemed like hours. At the appointed time nobody came. After five minutes I actually started to relax. Jim must have changed his mind. I was sure I'd get an email of apology. I got up to get another cup of coffee when the doorbell rang.