Their first night sleeping together, neither David nor Jake slept well. For David, being in a strange bed was unsettling. And Jake kept listening for Scout to stir, even though she'd slept through the night for months now.
David stirred a little before 7am. Jake had finally fallen asleep and was resting his head near David's shoulder. David, though, needed to get up to pee. He tried to extract himself without waking up Jake and made his way to the toilet. He started to pee when he heard Scout shriek—and his pee went everywhere!
"Damn it," he muttered, as he wiped up his mess, quickly washed his hands, and went out to see what had happened.
Jake was Scout's room, holding her in the rocking chair, singing softly. The site of them together melted David's heart. He remembered early mornings with his kids when they were babies and the soft cuddles were the best. He stood in the doorway and smiled.
"Morning handsome," Jake said as he stood up and put Scout on the changing table. "Someone soaked through her diaper last night and was not very happy about it," he said looking at his baby and making a silly face. Scout giggled.
"She's so beautiful," David said as Jake changed her diaper and got her into a new outfit. Jake looked up at David and smiled. "You're not wrong," he smiled. They both laughed.
"Well Scout, it is time you had your morning bottle and maybe some Cheerios and I make David and me some coffee," Jake said to both of them as they all made their way into the kitchen.
"How do you like your coffee?" he asked as he put Scout in her highchair. "I can also make you a latte; Susie and I got one of those fancy machines when we got engaged..." A wave of emotion wracked Jake's body as he realized what he was saying. David moved over to him and took him in his arms, letting Jake sob.
"I'm not a big crier," he said as he blew his nose. "I just can't believe I'm never going to see her again. And I know that. I want you here. But after last night..." Jake's voice trailed off as Scout held her bottle in one hand and threw Cheerios onto the ground, one by one with the other.
"Yeah," David responded. "Last night was big. For both of us. And I don't just mean what's between your legs," he joked. Jake smiled. David just wasn't the kind of guy to engage in raunchy humor; but Jake deeply appreciated his attempt.
"Last night was amazing, Jake. But if it is too much for you right now, I understand. We can just be friends if that would be easier," David's voice caught in this throat. He realized how much he cared about Jake if he was so willing to sacrifice what he felt.
Jake sat down and poured the coffee. It was a lot. Grief was a lot. Missing Susie was a lot. Raising Scout on his own was a lot. David was a lot.
"Remember how you said that you feel like your insides are a puzzle and all the pieces are mixed up? You know they're all there, but they just don't seem to fit together?" Jake asked.
David nodded. He completely understood.
Jake sipped coffee and quietly picked up the Cheerios Scout had littered the floor with. He thought for a minute. Would David leaving make him feel better? No! Ok. Well that was easy.
"I don't know what all this means," Jake opened, looking David in the eyes and once again appreciating how tender and understanding a man he is. "But if you don't mind hanging out with a guy who has a shitload of feelings and not a lot of clarity, I don't want you to leave. I like being with you, David. And last night was great," he smiled, remembering their intimacy.
David nodded as well. "It's good we're talking. I like you, Jake. I like you a lot. So much it kinda freaks me out." He looked down. "And, I wonder if last stirred up for you what it did for me? That Susie and Stephanie are truly gone. And it breaks my heart," he heaved for a moment and tears welled up in his eyes. Jake moved over to him and kissed the top of David's head.
"But we're here, Jake. We're still here. And while I didn't know Susie, I did know Stephanie. And man—she would be pissed if I spent the rest of my life moping around and miserable. I don't think she quite had us in mind," he chuckled. "But somehow, maybe it's better this way? Or easier? I mean, none of our kids is gonna end up with a stepmom here!" He said with a fit of laughter.
Jake's eyes widened—first from David's raw and emotional assessment and then from how David so quickly put all those pieces together. And then he let out a belly laugh so loud it startled Scout, who looked as if she might burst into tears.
"I'm sorry baby," he said as he reached over and got her out of her highchair. She calmed immediately in her daddy's arms and ran her little fingers through his beard, which he kissed tenderly.
Jake looked up at David, who was looking adoring at the two of them. His heart swelled and much of the anxiety he'd felt up to the moment faded away.
"Thank you, David," Jake said, as he put his big hand on David's neck and rubbed. "I want to be with you. So how about you spend the day with me and Scout?"
