The Rave
I was, I am the definition of a good boy. I'm Pentecostal Christian. My dad is a part time assistant pastor at our local church. I play guitar in the band at services and it's a big part of our family's life. I did well at school, studied hard and I was a representative athlete. I won the gold medal at regional 400m running. Now I'm doing a materials engineering degree at university. I keep my self clean and tidy. I dress well and conservatively. I keep fit. I run most days and hit the gym at least twice a week. I eat healthily. I live at home with my family. I'm a good boy, but with a big secret... I'm gay.
I think if God made me gay, he did so for a reason. Often enough, the pastors at the church, even my father, include being gay with other "sinful lifestyle choices", like drug use, drunkenness, pederasty, incest, even bestiality. I know that is wrong though I keep my opinion to myself. Obviously I'm deeply in the closet.
Deeply in the closet except to my friend Alex. Well to him I'm straight-bi-curious. You might have described him as my fuck buddy though he's more confused about his sexuality than I am... well... I'm not confused. I know I'm gay. I've known for ages. Actually he calls himself straight-bi-curious too, that's where I got the stupid terminology from, though he talks about what we've done together as just "fooling around" and has even rationalised the "sin" (yes, he goes to my church) as "It's better that we relieve our natural urges with each other than with our girlfriends," (yes, he has a girlfriend, I don't), followed by some bullshit about girls should be virgins until they are married and he wouldn't marry a girl who wasn't a virgin so its not fair to have sex with a girl you are not married to.
He actually started it. He has a downstairs room in his house which is kind of a home theatre with gym equipment. He took me down there and asked if I wanted to watch a porn movie he'd downloaded from the internet. It was straight porn but a few minutes in he asked:
"Are you hard?"
"Yeah, a bit, you?"
"Yeah..."
"Show me your cock."
I did. He showed me his.
That first time we just jerked off together but it escalated. I was coming to his downstairs room two or three times a week. He started showing bisexual porn movies, then gay movies. He sucked my cock. I sucked his. I sucked him till he came in my mouth. He sucked me till I came, very quickly in his.
The fourth time we did it, he suggested that I fuck him. It was on the porn movies. He'd bought condoms and personal lubricant. I did get my cock inside him. It felt ok but I didn't feel like I would cum and he didn't like it so we stopped and just jerked ourselves off.
Next time, or the time after I think, I asked him to fuck me. He did. I enjoyed it and so did he. He came while fucking me. I wanked while he fucked me and I came at the same time he did. I knew I was going to like it before it happened. Every time I'd seen a guy force his cock into another guy's arse in one of Alex's porn movies, I'd felt so turned on that I'd nearly cum. In fact, I have a hair brush with a fat smooth plastic handle. I'd jerked off with it up my arse several times before I got the guts to ask Alex to fuck me for real.
From then on, every time, at least once a week, he fucked me. We never kissed. We never did anything romantic. I guess when you have sex with a guy, and you are gay, you start to fall in love. I did but I never told him that. Outwardly, and I think inwardly for him, we were just having fun. We were strictly fuck buddies. We laughed after we came. We joked about it to each other.
I actually told him once that "I think I'm gay," (even though I know I'm gay). He pointedly ignored me. Then after about two months of regular sex with Alex, my uni assignments got intense and then with exams, I didn't get the time to see him some weeks. Then when I texted him one day to say I couldn't come because of exams, he called me:
"Actually Mark, I think we should stop it."
"Stop what?"
"You know... the porn... the other stuff we do..."
"Why?"
"Well, don't you think it's getting weird? Like we're addicted to it? I'm not gay and it's just... Well I just don't want to do it anymore. Don't you think it's getting... like..."
"Yeah... I guess so..."
So we stopped. It got awkward. I don't really know why it got awkward. I guess because of the church and that I'd told him I'm gay. We should have talked about it but we've hardly spoken since though I've seen him at church. I'm up on the stage with the band and he's with the congregation so... easy to avoid each other.
Anyway, other than the Alex thing, as I said, I'm a good boy. But with uni about to start again this year and the awkwardness with Alex still hanging in the air, I wanted to get away for a while. I saw an add online for a pride festival in a country town near Melbourne. I'm in Wollongong, not far from Sydney, Australia. I told my parents that I was going away on a trip for a few days, just to drive down to Bright, another country town, a place we used to go to on family snow holidays when I was a kid. I told them I was feeling nostalgic since we hadn't been there for years.
I have my own car. I packed my tent and camping gear, waved goodbye... lied about where I was going though Daylesford, the town of the pride festival was actually not too far from Bright. Well... sort of...
It's an 8.5 hour drive Wollongong to Daylesford. I stopped in a cheap motel in Bendigo, spent the night and then continued on to Daylesford in the morning, just another hour down the highway. I found the camping area, found a good spot and put up my tent. There were already lots of tents there and a fair was ramping up with stalls of shops selling food, all the varieties of lgbtqi+ flags, tee-shirts, hats etc. etc... There would be a pride parade the next day and there was a stage for bands.
It took me a little while to lose my apprehensiveness and get into the swing of it. I realised that the chance of meeting anyone I knew was very remote. The Daylesford "chill out" pride festival is only a few weeks before the huge Sydney Gay Mardi Gras so few people from Sydney or Wollongong go there. It's mainly people from Melbourne and anyway, I realised that if I did meet someone I knew, they would have to be gay and probably be just as deeply in the closet as I am.
I'm pretty athletic and have a good body, so I thought I'd show it off. I bought a rainbow tie dyed muscle singlet, a cap with gold sequins and some tight gold shorts, returned to my tent, got changed and emerged like a butterfly from a cocoon, screaming GAY for all the world to see.
I enjoyed the looks I got from many of the guys as I returned to the fair area to get something to eat and as well, I felt like getting a bit drunk. I got a pluto pup (read corn dog) and joined the queue for the beer tent. There a guy started talking to me.
"Hey... nice hat..."
"Thanks. I just got it here..."
"Are you coming to the rave tonight?"
"Oh... I don't know... I didn't know its on... I drove down from Wollongong..."
"Yeah well... it's all sold out anyway... That's a long drive."
"Yeah."
"So what are you going to do tonight then?"
"Oh... I don't know... I was just going to wander around... check the place out..."