Nathan turned into the narrow entry and followed a solitary, small sign pointing towards a black door. He was nervous, but as he stood outside searching for the courage to push the buzzer, he knew there was no turning back. He had come this far. Searching for saunas in his area on the Internet, he found the phone number of one and called to check opening times. He knew that if he walked away now he would not forgive himself. Nathan stared at the door, then pushed the buzzer. Imagining a scene from the movies, waiting to enter some underground members only club, he broke into a nervous smile. He tried the door but it was locked. After what seemed an eternity the door was opened and Nathan sheepishly entered a new world.
If Nathan were to define his sexuality, he would say bisexual although straights would call him gay and gays call him confused. He enjoyed sex with male and female, preferring neither. He wasnât confused; he wasnât experimenting or trying to âfind himselfâ. That he had done years before. His first gay encounter came while a teenager, some twenty-five years earlier with an older boy he knew well. Nathan enjoyed the experience and wanted more but for some years he never took up his desires. He was nervous of acting on these desires, remaining somewhat frustrated. In the meantime he was involved in heterosexual relationships but none ever lasted. Nathan confided in a couple of close friends but to most of the outside world he was a typical straight guy. Behind the façade he secretly desired the love and intimacy of another man.
Nathan completed the formalities at the front desk.
â Please fill in this form, but you donât have to put your full nameâ said the assistant.
Nathan wrote his first name and hometown, received a membership key ring and a towel. Within seconds he was through the reception area and into the locker room. He scanned the deserted room lined with countless small grey lockers. Checking the number on his key ring, Nathan quickly found his. Shit, he was nervous as he kicked off his shoes placing them inside. Nobody had entered the room as he started to undress. Instinctively he turned his back as he lowered his pants. Laughing at himself realising that in a few minutes he could be in an embrace with another man, why would he hide his manhood like an embarrassed teenager?
He pulled the towel around his waist and walked through the door on the other side of the room. The area was dimly lit and he adjusted his eyes for a brief moment. To his left were the showers and hanging his towel on a nearby radiator, he entered the open showers. He had, of course, taken a shower at home before, but this gave him an opportunity to view the area without standing in the middle of the large room like an idiot lost. Further on there was a hot tub on the left and a small pool on the right. He could see two men in the hot tub, the pressure bubbles bouncing around their bodies. The pool looked less appealing and was empty. Nathan soaped himself thoroughly watching the few people present mill between the hot tub and the sauna room at the far end. He felt uneasy, a voyeur invading these peopleâs privacy, but he was here for the same thing, he just had to find the courage.
As Nathan climbed into the hot tub, the two already present looked at him. He saw their eyes follow his slim body from head to toe pausing at his semi- erect member. Nathan carefully negotiated the steps down into the tub and immersed himself in the warm bubbling water. He felt the jets against his body smiling politely at the two middle-aged men sat with him. Nobody spoke, but then they werenât here for polite conversation. The two men stood to climb out of the tub and Nathan moved his legs allowing them to pass. He watched them collect their towels, the water dripping from their slightly overweight bodies. They crossed the room and headed upstairs. Nathan would explore upstairs later, for now he relaxed.
