Not even sure how to begin here. It happened over time, easy for me to look back on it now but as it unfolded it seemed to be shrouded in mist. Things happen in your life are like scattered jigsaw puzzle pieces as they happen, only to snap into place after looking them over in detail. I was dating a girl, Susie, and things were going great. So good in fact we had moved in together and that's kinda of how all this happened. Let me explain.
Susie was a godsend for me after I had a string of at least three very powerful love affairs with some very beautiful women. I had been divorced a number of years and these three love affairs all had remarkably similar progressions; intense romantic attraction, white hot love affair only to explode into flames and crash down to earth into an emotional pile of ashes. Every one of them, the same pattern. Of course, I was pretty screwed up too and if you are whack then attraction between equally screwed up people is pretty common. Then my dad died and psychologically I slipped a bit unknowingly.
Up to this point I wasn't any more into drink and drugs than the next guy, but it took a heavy turn for the worse. After the love affairs and the emotional carnage in its wake something else popped up, my sexuality. I guess I had always been a closet bisexual and would have a bi encounter with a guy every few years. I did it before my first marriage to Carrie and a few times during that marriage while it lasted. Then I went like ten years from the end of the marriage with Carrie through the three explosive love affairs with no homosexual encounters.
After my dad died and the love affairs had left me a wreck, I went on a substance abuse fueled behavior pattern that was strictly homosexual. My state was very destructive, dozens of anonymous gay encounters and tons of drugs and alcohol. None of the sexual encounters were even remotely satisfying and I was spiraling lower and lower.
Then something snapped. What fortitude I had left inside salvaged me after a bleary hungover confrontation with my boss. My dad was an alcoholic, I did not want to be one. I got help. I got better. After a period of time where I was clean, clearer thinking and a better person I met Susie. She was beautiful in a very simple mid-western gal kind of way and very even keeled, not at all screwed up like my past loves and how whack I was before cleaning up. Thanks for bearing with me letting me set where the story starts.
Susie and I dated for over a year before moving in together. Moving in was my idea, she was pretty hesitant about it but up to that point in dating things had gone very well for our relationship. She was from a very conservative mid-west family; my upbringing was much less strict but also chaotic with moving around a lot and the alcoholism in the family. With Susie I cherished the stability and lack of drama; between the two of us opposites attracted unlike two psyche jobs attracting each other in my previous romantic relationships. Our moving in together was something we hid from Susie's parents.
I had moved into her condo and when her parents came to visit then I stayed in a motel a time or two. Her parents lived about 2 hours away in rural part of the state. At some point I ran into a friend Ronnie who I had known in my drinking days. He knew Susie and when I told him of the arrangement of me vacating when Susie's folks were in town, he told me I could stay with him those one or two nights the folks were around. And so, the next time I needed to vacate because of Susie's folks, I called Ronnie.
Looking back some parts of my stay over at Ronnie's are hazy remembering the time sequences, other parts are as clear as the day they happened. One of my stays over at Ronnie's apartment I contacted Deb, really the one true love of my failed love affairs. We both still loved each other but we knew too much time had passed and too much water under the bridge. Still, with my relationship with Susie deepening I needed to know with Deb if things were indeed over. It was good to see her, she was a stunning, skinny, small breasted "heavy metal" blond always with dark eye shadow with whom sex was always phenomenal, but with too much chaos, drama and dysfunction it prevented a stable relationship. Don't remember much of that night, of course I wanted to screw her but just remember feeling up her lovely little titties through her top as we kissed, that was all, no sex. Was the time I saw or heard from her.
Ronnie was very nice to put me up and I must admit I have always been a very horny guy. Being at his place while he was at work, I rummaged around to see if he had any girlie magazines, doesn't every guy? Back in those days, yes. Sure enough, I found a couple of Playboy mags and beat off. What I also remember staying over at Ronnie's was one morning he was in his bedroom, it was a tiny one-bedroom flat, and I was out under the covers on the couch where I had slept. We were both up and can't remember exactly how it started but we began a deep, lengthy, esoteric conversation.
He was in his bed in the one bedroom and I was nude under a sheet out on the couch, I always slept nude. We were actually very good friends from years before and had always hit it off on an intellectual level. Our conversation was a connection between us talking and laughing from our separate rooms and beds. Again, I don't remember why or how but as I was talking with Ronnie I was getting very turned on and had a massive hard on by this point. We weren't talking sex, maybe about women, but just talking and connecting as friends do.
Ronnie got up to use the bathroom and went to the fridge walking by me on the couch and offered me some juice, which I declined. He had a tee shirt and boxers on. When he walked back to his bedroom for some reason, I had pulled the sheet half off, one leg under the sheet but one leg and my big hard on and naked chest exposed. He had to have seen my hard on. He was soon back in his room and our conversation picked right back up. No way he would not have seen my hard cock. For me it was scintillating to expose myself so nonchalantly to Ronnie, once you have an erection sometimes the penis does the thinking.
After about another twenty minutes or so of conversation Ronnie got up to fix some coffee. I was still hard and very aroused, not really sure what I was doing or where this might lead. From all the many homosexual encounters I had before I was with Susie, I loved being naked for another guy, it just felt so arousing and natural. Ronnie walked by me and I had pulled more of the sheet off and was nearly totally exposed and fully hard as he walked by.
We talked as Ronnie made coffee and as it was brewing, he stood at the end of the counter talking to me as I lay there nearly fully exposed, hard cock and all, as if it was no big deal. He talked with me till coffee was ready looking right at me, my big hard cock as plain as day. From there I guess I chickened out. It's easy to have a gay encounter with an anonymous guy, quite different with someone who is a straight friend and knows I live with a girl, that being the reason I was even sleeping at his place. So, nothing happened. Still in the back of my mind Ronnie always struck me as someone it might be natural to have a male/male encounter with but it just wasn't right for me to force the issue.
Ronnie and I didn't hang out a lot, I worked a great deal and was deeply involved with Susie. Still, we kept in touch and Susie and I were more than a little surprised when Ronnie was engaged to a girl named Sandra after dating her only a matter of months. We couldn't say anything, but we saw all the earmarks of trouble. Sure enough, in less than a year, Ronnie went from engaged, to married, to divorced. Ronnie took it in stride joking about being blown up by "Sandra bin Laden". By that time Ronnie had moved to a small house in another part of town.
He was an aspiring artist and actually quite good, I know because there are a number of talented artists in my family. Susie worked Mondays through Fridays, I worked Tuesdays through Saturdays. Ronnie had flexible schedule and was generally off on Mondays too. Sometimes I would stop by his house on my day off and we'd chit chat and he'd show me his works; landscapes, animals of all sorts like buffaloes, horses, birds, even a few nudes. I think I was married to Susie by this time and still I always wondered "what if" about that morning I let him see me naked and when I exposed to him my hard cock. I had gone over to Ronnie's a few times to hang out over a period of months and it was always in the back of my mind if he remembered like I did about that morning.
One Monday at his place when looking at some of his paintings, there was a nude painting of a woman. I can't even really remember how I got the nerve up but awkwardly I blurted I would be glad to pose like that for him if he ever needed a model. We kind of chuckled about it but nothing more than that. Inside I was a little embarrassed that I had even said that, kinda of opening myself and showing my feelings, putting myself on the spot. When I got home, Susie was at work. Even though I was mad at myself for making that statement about posing for Ronnie, it really turned me on.
