Author's note
: The story thus far: On a cold Thanksgiving Eve, under the direction of Jim, Soma is being passed from man to man on a sensual shopping spree. Before handing him off to the first man, Jim made Soma insert a remote controlled vibrating butt plug. Each one has taken him to a different store and bought him an item of women's clothing which he has to wear for the duration of the experience: crotchless fishnet pantyhose, a thong panty, a bralette and a pair of heels. In return, Soma has to pleasure each man orally. After Fred selected a kimono for him at the original adult boutique, Soma has an emotional meltdown and is comforted by Fred.
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The ride to my final destination was quiet. I was sitting in the front passenger seat of Fred's van, lost in thought, wearing my now complete outfit: stiletto sandals, fishnet crotchless pantyhose, a blue thong with embroidered rose, a blue bralette and the blue kimono. The butt plug provided a sense of security and a reminder of...what? I couldn't find the words for that yet, but it felt right being there, as did my tucked cock and balls.
I should have had a major case of blue balls, since I hadn't experienced an orgasm for several days. Jim had been clear in his instructions: he wanted me to be horny and ready for this experience. Several times, the vibrating plug had brought me to the edge of ejaculation, but here I was: on the way to an unknown destination, my belly full of more cum in one afternoon than I had in the last month, feeling fulfilled....no, that wasn't the right word...satisfied? Definitely not satisfied: I wanted more cock in my mouth; I wanted more cum on my tongue; I wanted more of what I had felt when Fred had claimed my mouth with his. I squeezed Fred's leg and realized my hand had been resting there since we had left the adult boutique.
"A penny for your thoughts, Soma."
"I'm not sure just what they are, Sir. I'm confused by my feelings."
"Confused? In what way?"
"I don't know, Sir...maybe all the cum I've had today is affecting my mind. Today was exactly what I had hoped for and that's thanks to all you wonderful men. You've given me a once in a lifetime experience."
"And yet?"
Is he reading my mind? What can I say? That I want him to make me his woman? Is that what I'm feeling? Is that what he's feeling? What if I'm making a fool of myself? If I tell him what I'm thinking...but I don't even know what I'm thinking.
"I don't know, Sir. I probably just need to give it a day or two to process in my mind. You've given me a lot to think about. I mean, all of you have given me a lot to think about."
"I'm glad we have, Soma. You've been every bit as good as we thought you would be. I'm sure we'll all have plenty to talk about when we get home."
Home? Whose home? And...oh, God, he put his hand on mine. Why did he do that? What do I do? Pull away? That would be rude. And did I just purr? What is wrong with me? Focus on your breathing, Soma. Get yourself under control.
"Yes, Sir. And, Sir, I want to apologize for my behavior in the store. I don't normally break down like that. I still don't know why I acted like that. I hope I didn't embarrass you."
"Soma," he said, squeezing my hand, "you have absolutely nothing to apologize for. To tell you the truth, I'm glad that happened."
"Glad, Sir?"
"Yes, because I got to see a glimpse of the real Soma that you've kept repressed, and she's wonderful."
There it is again...calling me 'she'
"I wouldn't exactly call a blubbering mess 'wonderful,' Sir."
"No, you wouldn't, because you're afraid of who you really are...and, perhaps, a little ashamed. But you shouldn't be, Soma. Everything I said about you was true, and I meant it all. You are an extraordinary person, not because you're a great cocksucker and submissive, but because, in spite of your efforts to keep your two lives separate, you can't play the bimbo slut, no matter how much you try. Your mind won't allow that. You want to give yourself completely, body and mind, but you've held back, probably because you're afraid of what might happen if you did."
I pulled my hand back, out of anger (how dare he try to psychoanalyze me?) and out of fear (how does he know me so well?).
He continued calmly, "Have I misread you, Soma? Am I wrong about anything?"
I sat quietly, wondering how I had messed up a perfect day. I couldn't answer him; I didn't dare answer him, because I was perilously close to letting down the barriers that had been decades in the making.
I tore off the blindfold and turned to confront him. He sat gripping the steering wheel tightly with both hands, eyes faced forward. I looked for the scorn or, worse, pity, but saw something else: fear.
"Sir," I asked quietly, "what are
you
hiding?"
"You'll find out when we get home," he replied, a bit too glibly.
"No, Sir," I was more confident now. "That's not what I meant and you know it. You're right about me. I've been trying to deny what's really inside me for most of my life. I don't even know why I'm telling you this, but I'm taking a chance because you made me feel special, like I'm not a freak."
"You're not a freak, Soma," he protested.