While this stands alone, my previous story "First" gives more of the back story to where I'm coming from. A middle-aged man who's discovering that being a husband, father, and leader at so many levels for so many years also needs release from those responsibilities. A release that can't come from those close to him lest it creep into his everyday life. The slide further into bisexuality and the urges for m/m sex.
I had managed not to stray for three years now after that one illicit tryst where I lost my anal and oral virginities. It hadn't been that hard. The guilt felt afterwards lasted a while but I knew revealing it to anyone was more about me and would hurt someone else. So I kept quiet. That was part of my role really. To cushion the bumps of others and provide guidance and resources so it was easy to continue. In many ways the one time release made it easier. Like a safety valve that had gone off.
My sex life at home continued to decline. My wife wouldn't admit it and as a very good person she tried to accommodate but her heart wasn't in it. We dwindled down to once a week and where there was once extended play there was now a more rote element to sex. Where I once was able to get her off three or four times per night from fingering, oral, toys, and good old fashioned fucking, now a good night was twice and sometimes she didn't get there at all.
She didn't complain. In fact she maintained it was her not me but still as someone who was use to succeeding I was disappointed. The sex got more limited in acts too. She preferred that I no longer go down on her. Complaining she could smell herself on me despite washing and that the saliva caused yeast infections later. And she complained that coming in her caused problems too so I'd pull out and shoot on her belly or ass.
And of course oral on me had always been more of a self imposed expectation of hers rather than something I demanded. I was pretty fat in her pretty mouth, she couldn't abide the idea of a mouthful of cum, and now her jaw hurt too much to do very often. Her desire really was just to get fucked on the edge of our bed. Legs up in the air and my cock sawing in and out. The girth rubbing on her clit until she came. The problem being if we went straight there it usually wasn't enough without warm-up to get her finished.
I hate to say it but it was boring. A mechanical release once a week that didn't sooth the urge to have that nasty uninhibited sex that was oh so good. We had talked around the edges of it of course but that Protestant, Anglo-Saxon guilt we grew up with couldn't really bridge the gap. I couldn't tell her that I wanted nothing more than occasionally to be ass up, head down being sodomized by her with a large strap-on. The idea of ruining that persona I lived and cultivated was too much. And likewise she claimed she had no fantasies and wouldn't disclose anything about lovers previous to us having met.
My impression is that she was somewhat of a wild-child originally who turned into a proper lady after she met me. I should be flattered I guess but it was also disturbing how uptight I must have been twenty-five years ago to make her think it was an expectation. We had had a mutual professor who had made the comment about WASP men desiring a lady a in the kitchen and a whore in the bedroom as ideal. I could understand that and really that's what I wanted but her actions betrayed her words of interest.
And I let it go on. It was for the best really. I don't think I could have had a better partner in life and unlike many men I knew, my wife never nagged or complained. I once had an acquaintance jealously complain how lucky I was that my wife was never a "bitch." And she never was.
It came to a head after a particularly harrowing month at work. I'm a senior executive for a small company in transition and there was a lot of jockeying for power as the owner stepped back from the day to day running. The problem is that pullback was abrupt and unannounced so voids appeared the had to be filled. Often outside of one's department.
My goal was to stay above it and make it work. While I knew and had been told by peers that I was a logical person to succeed in the running of the company another peer was dead set on that goal despite being roundly disliked at our level and below.
I hated games and refused to play despite watching some of the actions with a morbid fascination at the obvious machinations. All the pointless maneuvering that I tried to stay above and the needless flailing by obviously petty actions. They were coming to a head and I found myself struggling to protect people below me in all the departments while getting my job done.
It left me wrung out with the stress tension in my neck, shoulders and back that both ibuprofen and alcohol made no dent in. Our usual Saturday night sex got me off but was particularly unsatisfying. I'm not sure I was even totally hard when I came in small spurts although I made sure to use a rabbit vibrator that got her off a couple of times. The best that could be expected anymore.
I holed up in my home office and went to my secret accounts. The urges had come back with a vengeance and watched gay porn where I imagined my hole being stretched and plowed by big cocks. The cum shooting in my mouth, across my face, and up my ass in thick, creamy ropes.
I needed it, I could feel it and I went back online and revived my profile from the hookup site. The usual simplistic come-ons that showed no effort were ignored. The players who might fulfill my need to be used but had god knows how many partners and all of the worst characteristics of our gender. My profile was relatively verbose to weed them out. I spelled out what I needed and wanted with an invitation to seduce. I wanted to be pursued and then conquered but they needed to put in the effort. Frankly from what I had seen there were far more bottoms out there to serve the player community. I was looking for a little more safety.
I listed as a versatile bottom because I could have been persuaded in the right situation to fuck and the tops who wouldn't so anything except fuck and be sucked may be a little too selfish.
"Masculine, clean cut who likes to switch hit. Bottom but not sub. You could even say I top from the bottom. Receiving anal is preferred but I'll suck and fuck the versatiles out there. Just understand that I'll want a cock up my tight ass at some point when you've seduced me into giving it up. Other kink is I want pics of you balls deep in my ass and dropping a load on my face. NSA or FB, safe only. My schedule is tight so don't expect a fast hookup and I can't host. Seduce me into it by telling what you're going to do with your cock."
The come-ons were mostly bad. I still find it amazing that women respond to the lines of some guys. Gay guys might even be worse because the straightforward proposition out there doesn't necessarily inspire them.
But there was one. It was a bit of travel time but he seemed to fit. It was easy really and the effort required just needed to be intelligent and a bit more than hello. He described how he would prepare then take me. The pictures showed a good sized cock that he said would safely yet firmly sodomize me with. He understood I wanted to be taken and fucked. He was a German living here but not a pickup artist or someone looking for something permanent. And he could host.
We messaged back and forth and I refused a face pic. No need to have that out in the wilds. Instead I told him I'd be at the train station at a certain time wearing a logo baseball cap and blue hoodie. He agreed to pick me up and I prepped in secret very early that morning and packed a camera and supplies very discreetly in a backpack. It took and hour to get there and I was a little early waiting near the station entrance wondering if he would show.
"Steve?" The accented question came from a clean cut guy behind the wheel of a Mercedes sedan.
I turned and moved to the rolled down passenger window. "Hi, you must be Peter" I said and stuck out my hand through the open window.
"Hop in and we'll head to my place and get to know one another." He pulled smoothly from the curb and headed North. "I have to say I was worried when you wouldn't send a face picture but I like your look. And of course your body I've seen on your Tumblr page. You're a very attractive."
