The Snow Man

"There's a tow truck out here with a car," yelled the motel clerk. "You gonna be checkin' out soon? You fellers only paid fer one night, you know!" He sounded like old Festus on "Gun Smoke"and Alex wondered if Marshall Dillon might be in the back room somewhere.

Alex hung up the phone and sighed deeply. It was time to get dressed and start driving to Denver, he thought. But once more Alex felt a great sadness come over him. What was he going to tell Judy? What was going to happen to their marriage? What was he going to do with his life?

Rob put on his clothes and went outside to pay the tow truck operator. Everything seemed to be in order with his car. There wasn't any damage to the outside and the engine started right up. It looked like he could be on his way and didn't need a good Samaritan any more.

Alex dressed and went outside too. "Why are you going to Utah?" he asked as he put his suitcase into the back of the Blazer.

"Meeting a friend at Park City," said Rob. "We're going to ski for a week."

"Your boyfriend?"

"No, my boyfriend doesn't get into sports. This is just a fellow I know from college."

"Is he gay?" asked Alex.

"No, straight as an arrow. He knows I'm gay, though."

"So what are you going to do in Park City for sex?"

Rob laughed. "Jeez, I dunno! Don't you think we had enough to last a while?"

Alex shook his head.

"You can always screw your wife," said Rob, grinning, but he wished immediately that he could take it back, because Alex's face grew dark. "Sorry," he mumbled.

"Do you think I could get your phone number?" asked Alex. "Maybe I could call you sometime. We might have a convention in Chicago or something. You never know."

"Sure," replied Rob. "Here, get in the car a minute. I've got some paper in the glove compartment. I'll write it down for you."

As he climbing into Rob's car, Alex wiped his eyes with his sleeve. It was a quick movement and most people wouldn't have noticed it, but Rob caught it out of the corner of his eye and saw, to his surprise, that Alex was crying.

"Hey, stud! What's the matter? Are you all right?"

Alex's voice quivered. "I can't go home and pretend that everything's the same as it was. I don't belong there. I don't know what to do," he said. He looked pitiful. "But it's not your problem," he added.

Rob put his hand on Alex's arm. "You know, I can be a real asshole sometimes. I didn't realize this was such a big thing for you. Man, I'm really sorry!"

Alex choked up for a moment and had trouble catching his breath. Finally his words came out in a broken whisper: "I . . . think . . . I love you," he said.

The two men sat silently in the car for several minutes. Alex tried to hide his embarrassment and Rob struggled unsuccessfully to think of something to say. It had been a long time since anyone had said words like that to him.

Finally, in a gentle voice, Rob said, "Being gay and having a boyfriend isn't like being married, you know. People come in and out of your life. You hook up with a lot of people. There are a lot of times when you're lonely. Like I said, I've blown a lot of guys in my life."

"I know," said Alex. "I know it's different being gay. But I think you can still love someone." He paused, then went on. "Anyway, it doesn't change anything. I can't go home, that's for sure. I'll figure something else out, I guess."

Rob watched Alex for a few minutes, thinking things over. He thought about how Alex had helped him out with his car and paid for the motel room. He thought about Alex's beautiful body and his passionate, eager lovemaking. He thought about how well Alex had fucked his ass, which brought a flush to his face. "Do you ever ski?" he asked suddenly.

"Yeah," said Alex. "I like to ski. I go to Aspen a couple times a year."

"You wanna come to Park City? I know it's a long drive, but we'll have a decent condo to stay in. I don't think my buddy would mind."

Alex was unable to answer for a moment and stared blankly at Rob. He was confused by so many different emotions. He knew he ought to take his time and think things through. He shouldn't impose on people, or make big decisions when he was so emotional. But deep down, he knew he would never make sense of all this stuff. Life was short and he had already wasted much of his.

There was a pay telephone booth at the gas station in Brush Creek. Alex pulled in and got out of the Blazer. He stepped inside the booth and dialed his home phone number, knowing the answering machine would pick up the call.

"Judy, it's Alex," he said into the receiver. "I won't be coming home tonight. I'm going to Park City and I might be there a few days. Maybe a week. I got some issues to work out. I can't tell you everything now, but I'll give you a call you later. Take care."

When he got back in the Blazer he looked over at Rob, who was sitting in his passenger seat. The two had talked it over and Rob had agreed. The Blazer had four-wheel drive and would be a lot safer in the mountains if they hit another snow storm on the way to Utah.

THE END