The Things in My Closet

"There's leftovers in the fridge" she said as she passed me. My wife was leaving for a meeting as I was coming home. I had feared that she would see the guilt on my face. But she didn't even look at me, barely even noticed me just as she hadn't noticed I had come home late almost every day for the last few weeks.

I swore to myself that I wouldn't return to the ABS after the first night. My whole body burned with the shame of it. I wasn't gay, maybe not completely straight but close enough. I wasn't attracted to men... well maybe one man (NO! It's not okay to even think about that!)

My resolve would last the night, through the morning, then at noon it would start to weaken. It couldn't really feel that good right? It's just the excitement. It's just something new. If I had been getting blowjobs for as long as I have been having sex with women I would be bored with it by now. It wouldn't hurt to try again would it? What's wrong with taking an hour to enjoy myself? It's not like I'm getting any at home.

And as I drove from my office towards my home I would feel the tug, like an invisible fishhook, and I would veer off course towards the irresistible pleasure. Sometimes I would tell myself I would just drive by. Sometimes I would tell myself I would just try it one more time. In the end I would always park my car and rush through the front entrance, my heart racing in both anticipation of what was coming and fear that someone might recognize me, pay for a ticket, and enter the maze of booths for my sweet release.

It was starting to seem normal. Leave work, pay for a ticket, get a blowjob from a stranger, and leave with a smirking goodbye from the same clerk.

The same was less every day. Even the clerk didn't really bother me anymore. Why shouldn't I have a little fun? I wasn't hurting anyone. My wife didn't seem to care. It wasn't even gay. There could be anyone in the other side of the hole. I always played lesbian porn on the screen. No this didn't mean I was gay at all. It was just a little fun.

Today was different.

I'd had a session with Bill in the afternoon. We'd meet one other time and the session was uneventful. I felt like his therapy was again focused on him and his needs and I wasn't anxious at all going in.

The session started normally, and we talked about the last session and what he had done since. But then he got a strange look in his eyes. Like he just realized something, and I started to panic. "Did he see me? Was he in the dark maze at the ABS? Oh my god what if he had sucked my cock? I could lose my license! Maybe even go to jail!"

All of these thoughts happened in a fraction of a second. I talked myself down. It was unlikely that Bill was in the ABS and even less likely that he was sucking cock at a gloryhole. He was an alpha, like me I guess. Sucking cock in a place like that just didn't make sense. It was an act of submission, surrendering control. I don't think he would even get sucked at a gloryhole. He would never let one of his "boys" stay cloaked in anonymity. He would more likely have the cocksucker naked in a well lit room. Maybe even surrounded by mirrors. The poor man couldn't hide from what was happening.

I could feel my face flush at the thought of this. I moved the notebook on my lap to hide my hardening cock. My cock wasn't huge, but it would be impossible not to notice what was happening if I didn't cover up.

"Does this make you uncomfortable?" Bill asked he was starting right in my eyes. I had no idea how long I had lost focus. I had no Idea what he had been saying.

"Not at all" I said perhaps too quickly. "Please go on." And Like he had been reading my mind Bill continue a story about breaking a young married man to the point where he sucked cock at a glory hole while Bill stood behind him and watched. ".... after he sucked that cock for a few minutes I grabbed him by the ears and shoved him down on it until it went down his throat. I held him there while he gagged and choked until I thought he might puke or pass out.

Then I left him there gasping on the dirty floor of that booth and ordered him to swallow 10 loads before he came to work the next day."

I was confused. How had we even got on this topic? As impossible as it seemed did he know? Know what I was doing every day after work? Know why I was thinking? "It doesn't sound like he was enjoying himself. Did he do what you told him? Did he come back to work? How do you feel about threatening his job for your own gratification?"

"I never threatened to fire him, I don't have to." Bill said calmly, looking right in my eyes. The guys I break, they want it. They don't know it but they want it down to the bottom of their souls. And yes he did what I told him. Showed me 10 videos of cum blasting into his mouth as proof, then he begged me for more."

"A rapist might say the same" I said, barely suppressing a shudder.

"Rapists are bitches" he said with a look of distain. "A rapist has to steal power because he's too much of a bitch to earn it." The first boy I broke was a rapist, but really it's too easy. My boys hand me the power. They let their dirty little secrets slip out one way or another. They put themselves in situations that they don't want their wives and families to know about but they always leave evidence. They don't know they're doing it on purpose but they are. The truth is they are dying to get caught. Dying to have that comfortable lie ripped away by someone like me.... and I'm happy to do it....I'll see you in a week." With that he got up and left.

I sat there for several minutes, shaking, sweating, willing my cock to go soft. I somehow made it through my last few clients and sighed with relief when it was time to go.

"He definitely knows something. I can't go back. I can't ever go back again." But as I pulled out of the parking garage I was already changing my mind. Bill was telling these stories long before I stuck my cock in a gloryhole. Even if he did somehow know what I'd been doing I could just go to another place. There were half a dozen places I could go, he couldn't be watching all of them. But I didn't go to a different place. "What the Hell" I thought. "If he does know I'm already fucked, so what's one more time?"

I purchased my ticket and walked back to the now familiar maze of booths. The smell of bleach and cum welcomed me. I went to my favorite booth, started the movie and took out my cock. There was nobody on the other side of the hole which sometimes happened. It was only a matter of time. This place always had a few cocksuckers. I faced the hole waiting for a mouth to appear, my back to the door. My body stiffened when I heard a click. I forgot to lock it.

I turned around covering my cock with my hands. A mountain of a man stood in the doorway. I opened my mouth to tell him I wasn't interested but he raised a finger to silence me and the words died in my throat. Without speaking he twirled his finger. Understanding his meaning I turned around and lifted my shirt tails to show him my ass. An approving sigh told me he liked what he saw. A trickle of joy went through my chest. I'd always been insecure about my body, his approval made me giddy.

After a moment I turned to face him again. His cock was out now and hardening before my eyes. He was only a little longer than my but it was thick, the head was huge. He reached out and took my hand and guided it to his cock. The skin was so soft, contrasted buy the coarse dark hair that surrounded it. While his cock hardened in my hand he took the finger he'd used to silence me and traced my lips with it. My tongue darted out to taste the calloused tip. He clearly worked with his hands.

His finger pushed inside my mouth. He was telling me what he wanted, and I answered yes by letting my lips part. With a short nod he let me know it was time and I knelt before him.

I could hear myself thinking that this was too far, that there was no coming back if I did this. But my mouth opened and I slid my lips over the head. The taste wasn't what I expected but not bad. I'd never smelled a man like this and while I wasn't sure I liked it I was intoxicated by it. Slowly I slid the cock in and out of my mouth. As he moaned with approval and I increased the speed. I was salivating liked a starving man in front of a perfectly cooked steak. His skin became slick and and my lips slid across it more easily.

I hadn't planned on swallowing but he came faster than I expected. His strong hands grabbed my head and he shoved his cock to the back of my mouth causing me to gag as his cum filled my mouth. Some of it escaped my lips and dribbled down my chin but I gained control of my gag reflex and and swallowed, once, twice, and after savoring the taste and texture of his seed I swallowed a third time.

I sat down on the floor. My naked ass felt the cool filthy tile. The man zipped himself up and left the booth without so much as a grunt.

Before the shock of what I'd done could hit me I noticed movement on the other side of the gloryhole. Someone had watched the whole thing. More movement and the sound of a belt buckle clinking was followed buy a fully erect cock move through the hole. Without bothering to pull up my pant I crawled towards it and took it in my mouth.

I didn't know how much time had passed before I finally walked out of the dark maze into the too bright lights of the ABS. I moved in a trance towards the exit. Someone blocked my way. It was the clerk. The smirk never leaving his face he handed me a small pack of wet wipes. "You got something on your chin there. Probably want to clean that off before your wife sees it....faggot."

My trance broken the shame returned hitting me like a truck. What had I just done? What was happening to me?