Jamie clutched both envelopes to his chest. He'd been holding them like that the whole time--all the way from the bank to his house--but he couldn't seem to make himself let go. He was afraid to open them. For now, those letters were a silent link to Ben. If he opened either missive and found proof that the money was dirty--as Dillon seemed sure it was--Jamie knew that link would be shattered.
Dillon pulled into Jamie's drive. "We're here."
Jamie nodded. "Thanks, Dillon."
Dillon hesitated, then finally said, "What are you gonna do about the money?"
"I'm not sure. That's why I put it back in the box. Until I decide how I'm gonna handle this thing, it's safer there."
"I still say you need to talk to Brandon about it."
Jamie sighed. He'd known Dillon was right the first time he suggested talking to the sheriff, back at the bank. But Jamie's reasons for waiting still stood.
"I can't do that, Dillon. Not until I find out where that money came from."
"Jamie--"
"Everyone already thinks Ben was scum. Everyone except for me and Nora, that is. I don't want to drag Ben's name through the mud any more than it already has been. Doing that would only hurt Nora all over again. If I find out that the money was part of something illegal, I'll talk to Bran, Dillon. I promise."
Dillon put his hand on the back of Jamie's neck, stroking the short hairs there with the edge of his thumb. "I know you will, but I worry about you. Who knows where that money came from? You have no idea what sorta shit Lewis was into."
"I'll be careful."
"I know you'll try, but you aren't like Ben was, Jamie. You don't have any idea what the guy was capable of. You always see the good in people, the bright side."
"You say that like it's a bad thing."
Dillon used the hand on Jamie's neck to pull him forward until their foreheads were touching. "No way. I thank God that you're so trusting and forgiving. You never would have given me another chance, otherwise." Without changing positions, Dillon glanced down at his watch. "Damn. I've got to get to work." He gave Jamie a quick peck on the lips. "Call me if you need me. And don't do anything about that money without telling somebody first, promise?"
Jamie kissed him back and said, "Promise," as he reached for the door handle. He watched Dillon back his Lumina down the driveway, waved, and let himself into the house. He was thankful to find Aunt Sadie gone. He needed privacy.
Jamie went to his room and locked the door. Bouncing onto the bed, he opened the D.M.V. envelope first. The title to the car. Nothing unusual about that. Next he opened the manila envelope. Inside were two smaller envelopes, one thin, the other overstuffed. The thin one was labeled "J: Open First." The other was labeled, "To Be Revealed Later." Jamie sighed. Ben had been nothing if not dramatic.
Jamie tore into the first envelope. The shock of seeing Ben's handwriting hit him full force, but he made himself read it, anyway. "Dear J, Hey, too bad your name isn't John. This would be a real Dear John letter. I always wanted to write one of those things. Anyway, if you're reading this, that means you've opened the box and seen the money. Now, I know what you're thinking, and the answer is no, I didn't knock over a liquor store or rob a bank. I earned that money, and I want you to have it. And before you ask, no, I didn't earn it doing odd jobs for Nora. I can't tell you where it came from, J. That's a part of my life I don't want you to be touched by. Knowing you, you'll be afraid to take it, but please, do it anyway. I probably shouldn't say what I'm about to, because this is a major guilt trip to lay on you. Still, you need to know how I feel, and I need to say it. Forgive me in advance." The paragraph ended and Jamie took a deep breath before continuing to read.
"I'd always intended that money to be for us, a nest egg for the day you finally realized that Carver was a complete ass, and I was the guy for you. Crazy, I know, but from the first day I saw you, I loved you. God, I wanted you, J. You were hurt--battered, even--and all I could think about was holding you, making it better. I wanted to kill Carver for doing that to you. Hell, I even thought about it a time or two. But I knew it would hurt you too bad, so I didn't. That was a first for me, too, thinking of the consequences instead of just going with my gut instinct. That's what you did for me, J. You made me a better person, made we want for the first time in my life to please someone else, to put someone else before myself. Now, unless I miss my guess, Carver's starting to come around. I've seen the way he looks at you, and I know you're gonna forgive him if he asks you to. This money is my gift to you, Jamie. Use it to start a life with the guy. A life that for the two of us was never meant to be."
Jamie put down the letter, tears rolling down his face. He'd known somewhere inside that Ben had been in love with him, even though Ben had denied it that night at the Sheriff's office. To see it stated so baldly was still a shock, though. Several aching minutes passed before Jamie was able to pick the letter back up again.
"After heaping all that on you, I know I have no right to ask this next part, but when has that ever stopped me? The second envelope goes to the guy I was seeing. I swore I'd never tell anyone who he was, and I have to keep my word on this one. I know, I know. I'm dead, and honesty was never one of my sticking points in life, so why the burst of conscience now? The trouble is, J, I did something to the guy, took something from him I had no right to take. I'm not proud of it, but I used him, and I owe him for that. I can't tell you his name. That's one promise I will take to the grave. Hell, I guess I already did. For that reason, I ask that you not open the other envelope. I hate involving you in any of this, but you're the only one I can really trust. I might not be able to tell you flat out who the guy is, but, knowing you, you'll figure it out. When you do, please, give him the letter. And tell him I said I was sorry. No, scratch that. When he sees what's inside, he won't believe you, anyway. Okay, enough of this. I got a date with a cloud in my future, so I'm gonna run. I love you, J. Be happy--Ben."
Jamie refolded the letter and stared down at the fat, still sealed envelope with disbelief. What the hell was he supposed to do now? #
Dillon, Megan, and Jamie sat hunched in a corner booth at Hailey's the next day, trying to decide exactly that. Dillon reacted just as Jamie thought he would when he'd called Dillon last night and read the letter to him. "Open the damn thing."
Now here Dillon was, sitting in Hailey's and using a chicken finger as a pointer while he repeated himself. "I still say, open the envelope, find out who the guy is, and be done with it."
Megan, who was sitting across from Dillon and Jamie, shook flying chicken finger crumbs off her blouse. "If you point that thing at me one more time, I'm gonna stick it in a place chicken was never meant to go. Jamie's already explained why he can't open it, Dillon. It's a matter of ethics."
