The Way You Say My Name

The narrow, white frame-house was nice enough, Dillon supposed, but there was something about this whole thing that just didn’t feel right. Ben had a sister? If that was true, then why hadn’t Ben ever mentioned her to Jamie before? And where did Mitchell Harding fit into all this?

Jamie seemed to be having his own reservations, if his hesitancy to open the gate of the chain-link fence surrounding the property was any indication.

Dillon put his hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “We don’t have to do this, you know. We can always get back in the car and just go.”

Jamie shook his head. “I have to at least hear what this woman has to say.”

Dillon nodded, but didn’t say anything as he watched Jamie open the gate. He couldn’t say he understood, exactly, but this was Jamie’s call, and Dillon was either gonna support him in this or die trying.

Jamie pushed the gate open and walked up the cracked sidewalk, Dillon following directly behind. After a moment’s pause, Jamie stepped up onto the two-step stoop and rang the bell.

Dillon did a double take when he saw the woman who answered the door. Though she was obviously older than Ben, there was no doubt this lady was his sister. She was shorter than her brother, maybe five-four, five-five, but the similarities were undeniable. Same inky-black hair-- though hers was worn in a pixie-like bob--same chocolate brown eyes. But unlike the warmth Dillon had seen in Ben’s eyes every time they rested on Jamie, this lady’s eyes held nothing but distrust, maybe even a hint of contempt. Nevertheless, she opened the door a little bit wider and allowed them entrance.

“I’m Lily Harding. You’re James Walker, Ben’s friend?”

Jamie stuck out his hand. “That’s right. And this is my partner, Dillon Carver.”

She shook his hand, but raised her brows. “Partner? Ain’t you a little young to be a cop?”

Jamie shook his head. “I’m not. Not a cop, I mean.” Dillon could tell that Jamie was getting flustered. He always stammered a little bit when he got upset. Dillon reached for Jamie’s left hand at the same time as Jamie said, “When I say that Dillon is my partner, I mean we’re together. He’s my boyfriend.”

Lily looked down at their joined hands and snorted. “Fags. I should’ a known, you being friends of Ben’s and all. It figures.”

Dillon started to say something, but Jamie stopped him with a shake of the head. Turning back to Lily, Jamie said, “I take it you didn’t like the fact that Ben was gay.”

Lily sighed and led them into the box-shaped living room. “You might as well sit.” She waited while Jamie and

Dillon got settled on a slip-covered sofa and then took a seat herself on a nearby recliner. Facing them with more than a little animosity, she said, “To answer your question, no I ain’t happy that Ben thought he was a homo, but I can see why he believed he was, after what Burke forced him to do.” She curled her heavily painted lips. “Fucking guys for money from age thirteen on. I mean, it’d been okay if he’d been fucking girls or something, but guys humping guys just ain’t natural. It’s no wonder Ben thought he was queer. Thank God Mitch knows the score. He knows he ain’t bent.”

Dillon couldn’t remember ever wanting to get out of a place any worse than he did this one. Jamie showed no signs of budging, though. He leaned forward and said, “Look, Ms. Harding, I really need to speak with Mitchell. If you could just tell me how to get in touch with him--”

“I ain’t heard from Mitch in three days. He gave the cops my name and address when Burke bit the big one, but he ain’t been around. Don’t have no use for me, I guess. Some brother he is, huh?”

Brother? That’s when Dillon spoke up. “Wait a minute. I thought Mitchell was you husband. You mean he’s your brother, too? Ben’s brother?”

Lilly gave Dillon a look that suggested she didn’t find him especially bright. “That’s what I just said, ain’t it? Half-brother, though. Me, Ben, and Mitch all had the same mama, but God knows who our daddies was. Mama got around, if you know what I mean. Mitch and me, we go by Harding, Mama’s maiden name. Ben’s last name was Lewis, after the guy the old lady was married too for five minutes before the kid was born. Not that her husband was Ben’s daddy. That honor could’ve gone to any one of Mama’s regular johns.” She narrowed her eyes and trained them on Jamie. “You said on the phone somethin’s happened to Ben?”

Dillon could tell that Jamie was searching for the right words, but he really didn’t think Lily Harding was gonna take the news of Ben’s death all that hard. Despite her name, fragile little flower, she wasn’t. Finally, Jamie said, “I don’t know how to tell you this, but Ben was killed.”

The only real show of emotion Lily displayed when informed of her brother’s death was a brief closing of her eyes, and Dillon was pretty sure that particular show of respect was done more for their benefit than in any real display of grief. After a second, she opened them back up and said, “So, what happened to him? One of his fuck buddies whack him or what?”

Dillon could see how shaken Jamie was by Lily’s reaction, but he was proud of the way Jamie managed to hide it. “The working theory is that Ben was killed by a drunk driver.”

“And you ain’t buying it?”

Jamie returned Lily’s stare, keeping his gaze level. “No, I’m not. That’s why I wanted to talk to Mitchell. I thought maybe he could help me out. I had no idea Ben and Mitchell were brothers. As far as I knew, Ben didn’t have any family.”

“Yeah, well, I ain’t surprised the ungrateful little bastard never told you about us. I swear, you bust your tail to raise a guy, and then he turns his back on you like you was dirt.”

Jamie leaned forward on the couch. “What do you mean, ‘you raised Ben?’ I thought he was placed into foster care early on.”

Lily shook her head. “Nah. Ben was ten when our old lady snagged herself the wrong john one night and ended up in the morgue instead of the local no-tell-motel. I was twenty, so the state turned Ben over to me. Since Mitch was just twelve, I got saddled with him, too. You don’t know how many times I wished he’d been older so he could have gotten his ass a job and supported us.”

Dillon narrowed his eyes. “So you could be what, a stay-at-home-mom?”

Lily curled her lip. “Hey, I worked. Been turning tricks for years. My old lady, she had enough regular customers to pay the rent. I guess you could say I inherited ‘em when she died. Like I say, though, it paid the rent and nothin’ else. That’s when I found a guy willing to give all three of us a little extra employment, if you know what I mean.”

Dillon had a sick feeling he knew exactly what she meant. “You’re a drug dealer.”

“You could say that, but my old boss, Slick, called us somethin’ else.” She scrunched her brows. “What was that he called us again? Oh yeah. Recreational pharmacists.” Lily giggled. “I always liked the sound of that. I was damn good at it, too. Made more sales than anyone else on Slick’s roll.” Her face darkened. “I would still be doin’ it if Ben hadn’t fucked up right after his eleventh birthday and gotten all our asses busted.”

Jamie looked like he was gonna lose it. Dillon reached over and gave his hand a tight squeeze just as Jamie croaked out, “You’re blaming an eleven year old for getting you busted as a drug dealer?”

Lily shrugged. “Why not? It was his fault. Dumb fuck sold a quarter ounce of blow to an undercover cop, right here in his own damn neighborhood. The cops raided our house and found enough to get me for felony possession. I went to jail, and Mitch and Ben went to a boy’s home. More than one, in fact. From what I heard, every time the state placed ‘em, they did something stupid and got sent to another home. It figures. Neither one of my brothers was overly blessed in the brain department.”

Dillon heard Jamie mutter something to the effect of, “Yeah, right, like you’ve got so many brains it hurts.” When Lily turned to him and said, “What did you say,” Jamie looked her dead in the eye and came out with, “I said, how did they end up with Burke?”

“Oh, that. When Ben was thirteen and Mitch was fifteen, Burke got a couple of openings at his place. Burke only took boys. Said with him being a single guy and all, it was easier to relate. That was so much bullshit. Everybody knew that he was pimpin’ his boys out, but nobody could do or prove a damn thing.” She threw up her hands. “But whatcha gonna do, right? I mean, I was still in the slammer with two years to go on my sentence. Ben and Mitch started to work for the guy, and I served my time. Just as I finished up my stint, Ben ran off from Burke’s place and was put with that bitch over in Reed. Mitch, he stayed with Burke, but he swore it was just for the money, and I believed him. At least, I did at the time. I mean, why else would he keep whoring for Burke, even after he turned eighteen? Hell, Mitch was still living in Burke’s house when the guy got wasted.”

One thing in Lily’s last statement made Dillon more than a little bit curious. “Why did you call Ben’s foster mother over in Reed a bitch?”

Lily stretched her legs out in front of herself and crossed her ankles. “Because she was, that’s why. When I got out a jail, I went straight to Reed to see my brother. It took some doing, but I was able to hunt him down. At first the bitch wouldn’t even let me in to see him. Like I need her to tell me when I can see my own flesh and blood. Ben finally came outside and told her it was okay, that he was gonna talk to me.” She pursed her lips. “A fat lot of good it did. Witch had him brainwashed, already. Little bastard told me he was queer, and that he wanted to stay where he was instead of comin’ back with me. Said he felt accepted.” She snorted again. “Like I didn’t accept him. Give me a break. Anyway, that’s when I slapped his face. I only wanted to knock some sense into him, but that old bitch--that Nora lady--came running out onto the porch. Threatened to call the cops if I ever came back. That’s when Ben told me he never wanted to see me again.” Lily slapped her fist against her chest. “That hurt, ya know? After everything I did for him. All I wanted was to have him back in my life.”

Jamie gave her a look of pure disgust. “Oh yeah. And the money the state would have paid you for taking care of him again meant nothing to you.”

Lily chose to ignore that. Or maybe she just didn’t have sense enough to know when she was being insulted. Dillon wasn’t sure which. He only knew he had to get Jamie out of there. He also knew there were a few more questions that had to be answered before Jamie would be satisfied enough to leave. Dillon said, “So what about Mitchell? You say he refused to leave Burke’s and come to stay with you?”

The look of self-pity on Lily’s face was nauseating. “Yes. That cock sucker chose to stay with Burke. Swore he couldn’t leave, but never would tell me why, outside of saying the money was too good to pass up. And he did send a good chunk of that cash to me every month. Enough so’s I was able to quit working and buy this house.” She actually smiled over that one. “And since I knew Mitch wasn’t really a fag, just gay-for-pay, me and him was cool. He helped me out with my, uh . . . expenses, and I didn’t ask no questions. All that changed a few days ago, though. The minute Burke died, it was like Mitch just disappeared. He gave the cops my number, but I ain’t heard from him ‘cept once or twice, and then only by phone. Like I told you, the last time he called was three days ago. He said that he was gonna take some time away from here now that Burke was dead. I ain’t heard from him, and I ain’t got no way to get in touch with him.” Lily lowered her voice and leaned forward. “I bought his excuse about staying with Burke for the money at the time, but the way Mitch’s acted since Burke died has me wondering if maybe that was all a batch of lies. I’m startin’ to think Burke was holding something over Mitch’s head. Something to force Mitch to keep turning tricks for him. From what I hear, Mitch was pretty damn popular. Neither Burke nor that partner of his would want to lose the money Mitch was pulling in.”

Jamie increased the pressure on Dillon’s hand. “Burke had a partner? You mean a boyfriend? A lover?”

“Nah. Burke might’ve made a living off teenage boys, but he didn’t screw ‘em. Burke was straight. In fact, I heard he had a thing for girls. Young ones, like fifteen or sixteen.”

Dillon shivered. And people like his folks had the nerve to call him and Jamie perverts for being gay. Doug and Angela Carver had never even seen a real pervert. Dillon felt dirty just hearing all that stuff about Burke. He wanted to get out, and get out fast. But first, one more question. “What did you mean by Burke’s partner, then?”

Lily rolled her eyes. “Just what I said. Burke had a partner, as in a business partner. You know, a guy who got him customers and helped him run his boys. I don’t think the two of them were in cahoots anymore, though. Last I heard, Burke was trying to cut the other guy out, but I never heard why.” Lily pointed one long finger in Dillon and Jamie’s general direction. “If you ask me, he’s the guy who popped Burke. Yep, Burke’s partner is the one the cops should be lookin’ for.”

#

Dillon didn’t say much on the way back to the hotel, nor did he speak more than a few words during checkout, something Jamie was grateful for. His head was still spinning from Lily’s revelations, not to mention the fact that there even was a Lily. How could Ben have had an entire family without Jamie ever even knowing? Obviously Nora had known about Lily, and Jamie was guessing she’d known about Mitchell as well. Why hadn’t Nora said anything to him? And what about Brandon? He’d read Ben’s file. Did Bran know about Ben’s family as well? Jamie felt like the whole world was keeping secrets. The question then became, how to get to the bottom of those secrets without exposing his own.

The silence between Dillon and Jamie continued until they were about five miles from the Reed city limits. Finally, and without taking his eyes off the road, Dillon said, “If you don’t get whatever it is you’re thinking about off your chest, it’s gonna eat you alive.”

Jamie sagged within the confines of his seatbelt and placed his head in his hands. “I know, but I’m not sure what to say. My head is still spinning. I mean, I can understand why Ben never told me about Lily. If I had a sister like her, I’d want to forget she existed, too. But what about Mitchell? Why didn’t Ben ever mention his brother?”

Dillon shrugged. “Maybe Mitch is as bad as Lily. Maybe Ben just wanted to make a fresh start when he came to Reed. No family, nothing.”

Jamie had thought about that, too, but something Lily said told him otherwise. “Lily said she felt like Burke was holding something over Mitchell’s head, something that made him keep turning tricks.”

Dillon caught on. “You think Mitch was the one who cut off ties with Ben? Because of whatever it was Burke had on him?”

“Yeah. I can’t say for sure why I feel that way, I just know that I do.”

They’d reached the town proper, but instead of turning right to go towards Aunt Sadie’s, Dillon hung a left. Jamie looked at him with mild surprise. “Where are you going?”

“If you’re right, and Nora did know about Mitch, she might be able to tell us something about his relationship with Ben.”

“That’s a pretty big ‘if,’ Dillon. Especially since Nora didn’t bother to mention Mitch or Lily when she told us about Ben’s will.”

Dillon didn’t waver from his course. “It’s up to you, but I say we have nothing left to lose. We gave Lily our numbers and told her to ask Mitch to call us. That doesn’t mean she will, though, and you know it. Short of tracking Mitch down, I’d say Nora is our best bet.”

Jamie didn’t argue. Though he doubted Nora would be able--or willing--to tell them anything, Dillon was right in saying they had nothing to lose.

The drive to Nora’s was brief, and before Jamie knew it, Dillon was angling the Lumina into the gravel drive in front of Nora’s house, an old, rambling farmhouse more suited to a large family than a single woman. A lump rose in Jamie’s throat as he made his way out of the car and towards the house. Nora’s was the only real home Ben had ever known. Jamie owed her for making the last years of Ben’s life bearable. For that reason alone, Jamie was loath to cause her any more pain. But for some unknown reason, Jamie was certain Ben’s brother held the key to finding out about the remaining money. And if Nora knew something that might help them, Jamie had to know.

Jamie was surprised to see the front porch littered with empty packing boxes, and, from the look on Dillon’s face, it came as a surprise to him, too. Jamie raised his hand to knock, only to have the door swing open under his hand. Giving it a nudge, he called out, “Hello?” and stepped inside.

Nora was standing in the middle of the living room wearing a pair of ripped jeans and a stained, short-sleeved t-shirt. Her long, dark hair was covered with a cheerful blue bandana, and she was surrounded by more packing boxes, each one filled to the brim with books, knick-knacks, and the like. She turned and smiled at them as they came in.

“Well, hey there, you two. Come on in.” Nora wiped at a smudge of dust on her nose and indicated a pair of straight-back chairs sitting off to the side. “Good thing the movers aren’t here yet. I was gonna have them load those chairs first thing.” Jamie started towards one of the chairs but then hesitated. Nora saw his reluctance and gave him an encouraging nod. “It’s okay. Just ignore the mess and have a seat.” Nora waited until Jamie and Dillon were both seated before plopping down on a nearby stool. “Now, tell me all about your visit with Lily.”

Jamie could feel the blood leaching out of his face. He looked to Dillon and saw an exact mirror of his own surprise. Clearing his throat, Jamie said, “You know about that?”

If Nora was upset, she hid it well. “You bet your buns I do. Lily Harding called here not an hour ago, ranting and raving about her poor, dead brother and how she never even had a chance to say good-bye.” Nora crossed her work-boot clad ankles and curled her lips. “Like she’d really have come to Ben’s memorial. The only thing Ben and Mitch ever were to that woman was a meal ticket.”

So she did know about Mitch. Jamie was searching for a way to broach that very subject when Nora beat him to it. “Now, what’s this I hear about the two of you looking for Mitch?”

Dillon glanced at Jamie before saying, “Lily told you about that, too?”

Nora crossed her arms over her chest. “Uh huh. She said something about you wanting to squeeze Mitch for information, but she never gave any indication what it was you were looking for. What I want to know is, what kind of information are you after, and why?”

Jamie thought back to the lie Megan had spun for Detective Kilgore in Chicago. It seemed like as good an excuse as any. “I guess I just wanted to put together a more complete picture of Ben’s life, Nora. You know, his life before he came to Reed. I thought the more I knew about him, the better able I would be to let him go. I’d hoped maybe his friends and family could tell me a little bit more about him.”

For a full minute, Nora studied him as if she was gauging the truth in his statement. Jamie was just starting to sweat when Nora’s expression shifted from one of suspicion to one of pity. “Jamie, Ben’s life before he came here was a living hell. Nothing you find out about Ben’s early years is going to help you get over his death. That kind of thing takes time, and time alone.” Nora narrowed her eyes. “And as for that no account family of his, I don’t imagine either Mitch or Lily could come up with a kind word between them. Not for Ben, in any case.”

Jamie nodded. “I gathered as much with Lily. I mean, she told us about going to jail and all, and about coming here to Reed to see Ben when she got out.” Jamie stared down at an imaginary speck of lint on his pants leg and did his best to keep his tone casual. “The one thing Lily didn’t say anything about, though, was Ben’s relationship with his brother.”