The Way You Say My Name

Heath insisted on riding to the hospital with Dillon and Jamie. He sat in the back of Dillon’s Lumina, not once during the ride breaking his silence. For that, Dillon was glad. He didn’t trust himself to speak.

The drive to Chicago General seemed to take forever. Dillon barely remembered parking the car or making the trip from the parking garage to the emergency room. What he would never forget, though, was the look on Ash’s face as he rushed to meet them. Ash started to say something to Dillon, but the minute he caught site of Heath, all hell broke loose.

“What the fuck did you bring him for? He’s the reason Megan is in this condition in the first place.” And before Dillon could stop him, Ash made a dive at Heath, slugging him hard in the jaw.

Heath didn’t even try to defend himself. Ash pulled back, ready to deliver another blow when Gale Nash stepped out of the waiting area and said, “Ashton, stop, honey. None of this is going to help Megan.”

Ash stepped back, but not before saying, “Go home, you bastard. You’ve done enough.”

Heath didn’t bother to answer Ash. He spoke only to Gale. “How is she?”

Ash blurted out, “Like you have a right to ask,” but Gale didn’t say anything. Not at first, anyway. She stood for a full minute, just looking Heath over. Finally, she said, “Do you really care how she is?”

Heath didn’t hesitate. “Yes, I do.”

Gale nodded. “I think maybe you do. Come into the waiting area, and I’ll tell you what I know.”

As they stepped into the waiting room proper, Dillon nodded to Brandon, Nate, and Megan’s dad, all of whom were glaring at Heath. For his part, Heath didn’t seem to notice. His eyes were glued to Gale. She took the chair closest to her husband, but Heath remained standing, waiting for her response.

Gale didn’t make him wait long. “According to the doctor, Megan suffered an ectopic pregnancy, meaning the fetus implanted in her fallopian tube, not her uterus. In a case like that, there’s nothing they can do to save the pregnancy, but if they get to it in time, a good surgical team can remove the embryo without serious damage to the mother.” Dillon watched as Gale’s eyes filled with tears. “In Megan’s case, the ectopic pregnancy ruptured her fallopian tube before anyone caught it.”

Heath wasn’t far from losing it, Dillon could tell. “What does that mean?”

Gale drew a deep, shuddering breath. “It means, Heath, that Megan could bleed to death if they can’t repair the damage.”

Nate came up beside Gale’s chair and slipped his arm across her shoulders. “That’s not going to happen, Gale. Like I told you before, Dr. Byrd is working on her. He’s the best reproductive surgeon Chicago General’s got. If you don’t believe me, you can ask Keith when he and Marie get here. I called him just as soon as I found out Dr. Byrd would be operating on Meggie. Keith agreed that Byrd’s the absolute best.”

Heath swallowed, the harsh sound echoing through the silent waiting area. “So that means there’s a good chance that Megan will be okay, right, in spite of the miscarriage?”

Gale only nodded, but Brandon stood up and came forward, despite Nate’s desperate attempts to hold him back. “It also means, you stupid prick, that my sister was telling you the truth when she said she was pregnant. All the hell you put her through just because you aren’t man enough to live up to your responsibilities was for nothing.”

The doctor came out then, a dark haired man of about fifty clad in blood spattered scrubs. Megan’s blood. If possible, Heath looked even more stricken than before. The others stood as the doctor started his report, effectively cutting Brandon’s tirade short.

“Megan’s lost more blood than I would like, but we were able to stabilize her and clamp off the bleeder without having to give her additional blood. I repaired the ruptured tube as best I could, and she may need another surgery to remove any excess scar tissue at some point in the future, but, barring infection, I believe she’ll make a full recovery.”

Gale clapped her hand to her mouth as tears of gratitude ran down her face. Dean closed his eyes, and Dillon swore he heard Ash say a prayer of thanks. Nate shook the doctor’s hand and thanked him while Brandon pulled his mom into his arms and held her close. Jamie stood by Dillon’s side, and it wasn’t until he whispered, “Look at your brother,” that Dillon turned to see how Heath was taking it.

Heath walked over to the doctor and said, “When can I see her?”

Dr. Byrd pursed his lips. “Are you a relative?”

Brandon said, “Hell no,” but Heath ignored him. “I am . . . was, the father of her baby.”

Dillon wondered how much that admission had cost his brother, especially when Brandon and Ash both protested. Dean, also, looked as if he wanted to object, but it was Gale who settled the argument.

“Dr. Byrd, this is Heath Carver. He and Megan have a lot to talk about as soon as you say she’s able.” Gale looked back at the rest of them, all but daring them to speak.

The doctor checked his watch. “She’s in recovery. As soon as the anesthesia wears off, she’ll be sent to a private room. Once she’s awake and has been examined to make certain there are no post-surgical complications, she can have visitors. But,” at that he hesitated, but only for a second. “I’m not sure about the status of your relationship with Megan, Mr. Carver, but you need to understand that she’s been through an ordeal. From what the nurses who prepped her for surgery tell me, Megan was hysterical, begging them to save her baby. When she comes to, she going to be dazed, disoriented. My advice to you is to come back tomorrow, and even then, you should use caution when you talk to her. Megan will have a lot to deal with, and it’s not uncommon for a woman in her situation to suffer from severe depression.”

Heath buried his face in his hands. Dillon thought sure he was going to break, but somehow, his brother managed to hold it all together. When Heath raised his head, his face was a blank mask, all his emotions locked inside. He turned to Gale. “If I come back tomorrow, will you let me see her?”

“If that’s what Megan wants, I won’t try to stop you, and neither will they.” Gale motioned towards Dean, Brandon and the rest. “But everything Dr. Byrd said is true, Heath. Megan is fragile right now. I won’t have you making things any worse for her than they already are.”

Heath’s mask cracked a little then, some of his pain seeping through before he caught it. “I swear to God I won’t, Gale. All I want to do is see her, tell her . . .” His voice faded and he trailed off. A minute later, he said, “I’m just gonna hang around here tonight, and then I can see her first thing in the morning.”

For the first time since Heath came into the room, Dean spoke up. Of all the Nash’s, Dillon always thought of Dean as the quiet one, soft spoken to the core. Circumstances being what they were, that rule no longer applied. Dean stepped forward, his voice low and menacing. “Go home, boy.”

Heath stood his ground. “No, sir. Megan needs me. I--”

“Megan needed you when she first found out she was pregnant. She needed you when she was sick, and scared, and alone. She needed you, and you let her down.” When Heath tried to protest, Dean held up his hand. “What she needs now is to be surrounded by her family. She needs her mother, me, her brothers and her sisters. Megan needs all the people who love her no matter what. Last time I checked you weren’t in that category. Tomorrow, you can come back, and if Megan says she’ll see you, I won’t try to stop it.” Dean leaned in closer to Heath, his tone chilling in its quiet intensity. “I won’t stop you from seeing her, but I swear by everything that’s holy, if you hurt my daughter again, I’ll make you wish you’d never been born. Do we understand each other?”

Heath didn’t even flinch. “Yes, sir. We understand each other perfectly.”

“Good. Come back tomorrow, then. And Heath?”

“Yes, sir?”

Dean crossed his arms over his chest. “You better start praying. Pray Megan is going to be all right, that she’s suffered no permanent damage from this. Most of all, son, you better pray my daughter is more forgiving than I am.”

Heath shook his head. “Start praying? Sir, I haven’t done anything but pray since Dillon got that phone call from Ash.” And to Dillon’s amazement, Heath left without saying another word.

#

Dillon followed Heath out to the parking garage while Jamie stayed behind and talked to Megan’s family. Dillon finally caught up with his brother outside, just as he was about to hail a cab. “Heath, dammit, wait a second.”

Heath paused but didn’t turn around. “I have to get out of here, Dillon. I’ll . . . I’ll catch you later, okay?”

“No, it’s not okay.” Dillon placed his hands on Heath’s arms, forcing him to turn until they were facing. “We’re family, Heath. Talk to me. Let me help you.”

Heath’s face was a study in misery, all the earlier control having fled. He shook his head with something akin to violence. “You can’t help me, Dillon. I fucked up, and there isn’t a damn thing you, me, or anyone else can do about it.”

Dillon wanted to argue, but Heath didn’t give him a chance. “I have to get out of here. I have to think. I . . . I have to find a way to fix this.”

“Heath, come home with me and Jamie. We’ll talk it out, see what we can come up with.”

But Heath wouldn’t listen. He flagged down the next cab that came by and was gone before Dillon could stop him.

#

Dillon spent the rest of the night cuddled next to Jamie, thoughts of Megan and Heath zooming around his brain. He slept in fifteen minute increments, worry and dread waking him at all hours. He finally gave up on sleep at about six the next morning, tucking the covers around Jamie’s sleeping form and crawling out of bed.

Aunt Sadie had been more than sympathetic about the reasons why Jamie and Dillon hadn’t finished helping her around the house the day before, but Dillon had a thing about finishing what he’d started. That, and he hoped a little bit of manual labor would keep his mind off his brother and Megan.

He worked for about four hours solid, cleaning the gutters and clearing the drains. He’d just climbed down and was about to start on the other side of the house when Jamie came out of the apartment, fully dressed and carrying two twenty-ounce bottles of Coke.

Jamie offered one of the bottles to Dillon. “Here. I think you’re gonna need the sugar rush.”

Dillon groaned. “What is it now?”

“Heath just called. He’s at the hospital.”

Dillon braced himself, propping one foot on the lowest rung of the ladder. “Is Megan all right?”

“As far as I know she’s doing about the same as she was yesterday, but Megan’s health isn’t the reason Heath called. Megan has refused to see him unless you’re there to referee.”

“Me? For God’s sake, why?”

Jamie shrugged. “Heath wasn’t sure, but Megan sent word through a nurse that she’ll only talk to Heath if you’re there. In fact, she wants to see you first.”

Dillon draped his arms over the fourth rung of the ladder and laid his head in his hands. “Why do I always get dragged into this stuff?”

Jamie wrapped his arms around Dillon’s waist from behind. “Some people are just lucky that way, I guess. Need me to come with you?”

Dillon shook his head without even lifting it from his hands. “No. There’s no reason for both of us to go up there. I can suffer through this alone.”

Jamie laughed. “You can keep on with the ‘poor me’ act all you want, but you and I both know you’d do anything to help Heath and Megan.”

Dillon raised his head and turned in the circle of Jamie’s arms, returning the embrace. “I’m glad to do anything I can, but I’m thinking Heath may have been right yesterday when he said there was nothing anyone could do to fix this.”

“I’m not buying it. I mean, look at everything that happened between me and you. We’ve been through hell and back so many times I lost count, but we came out of it together. I have to believe Heath and Megan will make it, too.”

Dillon wanted to believe that Jamie was right, but as he walked towards Megan’s third-floor hospital room an hour later and saw the look on his brother’s face as he paced the hall just outside Megan’s door, Dillon’s hope evaporated.

Heath rushed to meet him. “Thank God you’re here. She won’t even talk to me. Not unless she sees you first. She keeps sending messages through her nurse.”

“I know. Jamie told me.”

Heath ran his hands over his face, his bloodshot eyes a stark contrast to his pale skin. He wore the same clothes he’d worn the day before, and his hands were shaking slightly as he lowered them to his sides. “I need to see her, Dillon. I have to tell her--” Heath broke off, but not before Dillon got a good look at his brother’s desperation.

“What, Heath? What is it you need to tell her?”

“Never mind. Just talk to her for me, Dillon. Tell her I need to see her. Please.”

“I’ll try, but like the doctor said, Megan’s not in the best of places right now. You know this little peace talk I’m about to give comes with no guarantees, right?”

“Understood. Just the fact that you’re willing to help means a lot. Thanks, Dillon.”

Dillon nodded and made his way to Megan’s door. Using the first two knuckles of his right hand, Dillon tapped on the fake wood. “Megan? It’s Dillon. Can I come in?”

At Megan’s hoarse but clear, “Yes,” Dillon swung the door open and stepped inside. Megan was lying in bed, her skin sallow against the sickly green hospital gown she wore. Someone--probably a nurse--had washed her hair and then braided it wet so that it hung in one damp red stream down her back. She looked so young and helpless as she reclined against the pillows that Dillon had to force himself not to run forward and gather her into his arms.

He settled for a cautious hug, carefully squeezing her shoulders while avoiding her tender midsection. He pulled back and plastered on a smile. “How’s my best girl?”

Megan’s eyes crinkled slightly at the corners, but that’s as close as she came to returning the smile. “I’m doing all right. Dr. Byrd says I can probably go home tomorrow.”

“That’s great, Meggie. Before you know it, you’ll be feeling like your old self, again.” Megan only nodded. They both knew it was a lie but went with the pretense, anyway.

Dillon sat down in one of the chairs beside the bed. “So, where is everybody? I expected the room and hallway to be covered in wall to wall Nash’s.”

Megan gave a ghost of a grin. “I sent them all home, one because they were exhausted, and two, because I knew Heath was coming and I didn’t want any bloodshed. Mama and Daddy stayed all night and a good chunk of the morning, and so did Bran and Nate. Keith is here somewhere, working his regular shift. He’s popped in a couple of times, but I finally convinced him that I wanted to catch some sleep. The rest of the family has taken turns coming by, and poor Ash has been here like three times this morning alone.” Megan leaned further back against the pillows and sighed. “I made them all go home about ten o’clock this morning. Convinced them I needed time alone, to think.”

“I bet they put up a fuss.”

“You know it. The only one who really understood was Mama. She lost a baby in between giving birth to Wayne and Keith. She knows how it . . . how it hurts.”

The aching loss in Megan’s voice made the back of Dillon’s eyes sting. He blinked time and again in rapid succession until he had himself under control. Desperate to offer comfort, he said the only thing he could think of. “I’m sorry, Megan. About the baby, I mean. I know how much you wanted it.”

Megan bit her lip and turned her head, facing away from Dillon for a minute. “Dr. Byrd said it was no one’s fault, just one of those freak accidents of nature that sometimes happens for no good reason. I know better, though. I know that my baby died because I wasn’t a strong enough person to hold on to him.”

Dillon couldn’t believe what he was hearing. “Megan, how can you say that? You’re one of the strongest, bravest people I know. You can’t possibly believe this is your fault.”

Megan continued to stare at the wall. “I don’t know what I believe. Not anymore. All I know is that a couple of months ago, I was in love with an amazing guy who I thought loved me, too. Now I’ve lost him and the only thing I had of him, the baby we made together.” She turned her tear-soaked face back to Dillon. “I feel like I’ve lost everything.”

Dillon grabbed three tissues from the nightstand, leaning forward and drying Megan’s eyes as best he could. “My brother was an idiot Megan. None of this is your fault.”

“You’re wrong. Heath must have seen something in me, some flaw deep inside. I chased him away, made him leave because he could see something missing in me, something no one else could.”

“Megan, no! Listen, honey. You’ve got it all wrong.”

But Megan wouldn’t listen. “Is Heath still out there? Like I said, that’s one of the reasons I sent my family away, so they wouldn’t kill him. Mom told me Ash even took a swing at him yesterday.”

“Yes, he did.” Under his breath, Dillon muttered, “That’s only half of what he deserved,” but loud enough for Megan to hear he said, “Yes, he’s still out there. But, Megan, I don’t think you need to see him right now. Not until you can stop blaming yourself for his mistakes.”

Megan shook her head. “I want to see him, now, Dillon, to put an end to that part of my life. When I leave Reed, I want to leave knowing that Heath and I at least had some form of closure, whatever that is.”

Alarm bells rang in Dillon’s head. “What do you mean, ‘when you leave Reed.’ You mean for college?” When she nodded, Dillon said, “Meggie, that’s not until September. You’ve got almost four months until then. Give yourself some time. There’s no need to rush this.”

“I’m leaving right after graduation, Dillon. I’ve already been accepted to and registered for the fall semester at Michigan State, Brandon’s alma mater. With any luck I’ll be able to find a nice, off-campus apartment and sign on for a few summer courses as well.”

Dillon wanted to argue with her, but he could tell by the glint in her eyes that arguing at this point would be useless. If he couldn’t change her mind, the least he could do was be supportive. “What can I do to help you through this, Meggie?” He reached for her hand.

Megan laced her fingers with his and held on tight. “Just stay with me while I talk to Heath. I don’t trust myself to be alone with him, and no one else understands him the way you do, especially not my family. They’d just as soon beat the crap out of him now and ask questions later.”

“I’ll be here while you talk to him, but I gotta tell you, I’ve had the urge to beat him senseless a time or two myself.”

“I understand. Just . . .” Megan took a deep breath. “Just ask him to come in here, please.”

Dillon did as he was asked, but in his heart, he knew that there was no way this little meeting was going to bring Megan closure. Megan and Heath owned a part of each other, just as he and Jamie did. And just like him and Jamie, they probably always would.

#

Dillon found his brother exactly where he’d left him, pacing in front of Megan’s door. “Megan wants to see you, but before you go in there, there’s something you should know.”

Heath was almost too eager to see Megan to listen, but Dillon’s somber tone must have gotten through to him. “What is it?”

“Megan blames herself for all of this, Heath. She blames herself for everything from the break-up to loosing the baby.”

Heath flinched. “What? No, that’s not right. How could she possibly think any of this was her fault?”

“I don’t know, but the point is, she does.”

Heath swore. “I’ll make her listen, make her understand that I’m the one responsible.”

Dillon tried to reason with him, but Heath was every bit as stubborn as Megan. He swung open the door and walked into Megan’s room, Dillon on his heels.