Looking back now, if I had known that there was such a thing as bisexuality I would've been able to accept my life a whole lot easier. Instead I was constantly at odds with myself. I was falling in love with the most beautiful young woman I had ever known. Yet here I was...
I love the preparing for my man as much as I love the actual act of being with my man. Knowing that in hours I would be giving control over to a man that knows what he wants is in itself very intoxicating. The shaving, grooming and making sure that every part of my body is just right. Even the uncomfortable cleansing is somewhat erotic.
Checking my hair that it is combed in flattering way, my skin is soft and smooth to the touch, all of it is quite the turn on for me.
It's in those moments I would actually feel free from all the rules and restrictions of the real world. But because I had a beautiful girlfriend I would feel conflicted. It would get to the point that I had to push her out of mind because I didn't want this moment ruined by any distractions.
Meeting Tye that fateful Saturday afternoon months ago at the local rec-center to play ball had been a godsend. I had already decided that I was no longer going to pursue any relationships with any man, ever. After having my heart broken by my first love, Martin, then allowing myself to abused by that scum ex-boss of mine, Scott, I had convinced myself that I needed to forget all that gay shit and just be a normal man. Be in a normal relationship, with a woman.
But I guess Tye was able to see right through all of that and see me for who I really was deep down inside. Over the summer and fall months of being his friend I had grown to appreciate his simple view on life. Of course we had to hide our true feelings from the outside world. In 1977 it wasn't like it is today where a man could show public affection for another man. In those days it was dangerous to even think of such a thing. So no way would you actually act out on our feelings in public.
In the months that passed since that fateful Saturday evening after one of our more intense games he had gotten me alone and allowed my true nature to come out. But later on that night I had also allowed myself to cross the line with a young lady that I had been involved with also over the summer. It was a day that I will never forget, ever.
However today was our day, mine and Tye's day. My girl and her family had gone out of town to be with relatives over the Christmas holiday leaving me at home, alone. Tye had gotten his own place just a month earlier and up until today I had been giving him the discreet blow job here and there. In our roles I was playing the playful tease and he of course the aggressive young man after his prize.
But I had not allowed him to ever come to my apartment. He understood that my apartment was like my gateway to my other life. One that only my girl could be a part of. The reason Tye had finally gotten his little modest one bedroom apartment was because I told him that if he wanted more than I was giving him he had to provide a place where we could both act out our desires for one another. I was ever the little bitch, albeit the loving, little bitch.
As I was checking myself out in the mirror looking myself over I had to admit I looked good. Hair was getting longer, down to my shoulders. The way I combed it gave me that very feminine look. In fact if I had my back turned any straight guy could make the mistake that I was a very hot young lady.
I still had that boyish face that made me look much younger than my ripe old age of nineteen. My skin had a nice tan complication and of course no hair whatsoever on my body. But the turn on for Tye and my ex Martin was of course my nice round, tight ass and long legs.
Now remember this was still the seventies and the one area that I just learned to tame was my pubes. It's a bit embarrassing bringing it up even in the setting of telling my story. I was lucky however because my little Viking princess shared with me her secret of trimming her pubes. I of course told her that I would do it as well so that when she sucked my cock she wouldn't have to fight with the bush of the Serengeti.
Of course she liked it because she found it hot and I was about to find out that Tye also found my trim pubes very hot. Let's be clear I have never been a man with a large cock but it was more than enough for my girl and I was about to find out that Tye was ok with it as well.
I looked good, I thought to myself as I reached over and slipped on one of Tye's t-shirts that I had snagged before I went into the bathroom. I turned my back to the mirror and looked over my shoulder at my reflection. I have to admit my ass was hot. Very nice and round or a bubble butt as you young people say today. The t-shirt came down and just barely covered my ass but it didn't take much effort for the bottom of my ass to peek out from under it.
Tye had been wanting to "hit" my ass for a while. Even now that makes me smile because Tye had a way of saying things all to his self and I loved how he took the simplest terms and somehow made them even simpler. He didn't want to make love to me or fuck me. No, he wanted to, "hit that ass."
Did I mention that Tye was black? If that sort of thing is important to you than there it is. A few years ago a term for the way Tye and the brothers spoke was invented, I think the term is Ebonics. Back in the seventies it was just the way all the brothers spoke.
No what I mean brother man?
Yes I can already hear some of you fags out there start to breath hard. Because Tye is black that means his cock was massive, right? If you don't know let me share this secret with you, that's a myth. But not in Tye's case. My young suitor absolutely had a massive, thick cock.
Again if race and cock size matter to you there it is but he was so much more. Tye was warm, funny, gentle and kind. He wasn't a complicated young man. He knew what he liked and didn't shy away from it. But he was also like me. Hiding a way of life from family, friends and anyone else that came around us.
I wish I could go back in time and tell the young version of me that I was ok, that I was good. That it is possible to love and adore a man and a woman. That you didn't have to choose only one and not the other. At least it was ok for me but I know that sort of thing isn't for everyone.
For example, Martin, my ex and first love of my life, he could never accept the fact that he had feelings for me. When we were alone he was so loving and caring but from time to time I could feel his frustration boilng up inside of him. At times I could feel the disgust that he felt because I was a man or more like a boy, I was only eighteen.
We had a few tense moments in those first few weeks of consummating our relationship that almost tore us apart. I was deeply in love with him but eventually that wasn't enough for him. He would eventually betray me with the only other person that mattered in my life. My best friend in life, Janie, a woman. In one afternoon I lost the love of my life and the only best friend that I ever had up to that point in my young life.
Martin betrayed me because he couldn't see himself with a man. Martin wasn't gay or bisexual. He was a straight young man that was just lonely and confused. I see that today but I was blind to it then.
