This Can’t Be Happening

My journey continues. As always all names and locations have been changed to maintain anonymity. Thanks to all those who have read, commented, followed and added to their favourites. As a new contributor this is very encouraging. This chapter takes a little time to get going.

As soon as I got indoors I went straight upstairs to my bedroom. I couldn't believe what had happened. What began as a day to remember had turned into one I wanted to forget.

How could I have been so fucking stupid. Lies, lies and more lies. The reason I was sitting on my bed, head in my hands and possibly about to be kicked out of swimming club. I was heartbroken. I thought hard about what coach said. I wanted to blame someone and I looked hard to do exactly that. But it was simple. It was my own idiotic fault. What I'd thought was a moment of brilliance, a great spin, had turned to disaster.

The only small chance it wouldn't happen, was that he'd said he needed to think about what he'd do. Maybe there was light at the end of pitch black tunnel I found myself in. It didn't feel like that.

How would I explain it to my mother or Lewis? It would just involve another lie. There was no way I could tell either the truth. I wasn't a liar normally. I hated liars. I had no idea what to do.

When the time came I told my mother that coach had let me off practice that evening because if the additional training I'd already done that week. Later Lewis called saying he hoped I felt better soon. Coach had been true to his word at least.

No masturbating that night. No fantasies of men or Phillip or coach.

Thursday I went to work as usual. I kept to my instruction to not wear underpants but I wasn't feeling particularly sexual. Phillip was his usual self, but he could see there was something wrong and offered to chat when the shop closed.

When we finished we went upstairs and he asked me what was wrong. I told him what had happened, It should have been a tale to make him proud of me. To make his beautiful cock hard. But it wasn't. He listened, as attentive as always, thought about his response and told me to take the following evening off, call coach and tell him the truth.

"Just tell him," he said. "I can deal with it, just don't tell him I know. He'll realise there's no girlfriend that's using the club to get your thrills from. That's the only reason he's considering kicking you out David." I wasn't sure. I didn't want to think Phillip was putting his reputation at risk.

"Listen David," he said earnestly. "I know how much the club means to you. I'm not ashamed of what we have. Tell him everything and that you made up the girlfriend so you could keep it secret." I still wasn't sure. "As long as he doesn't think I know and you're not using the club for anything other than swimming, he'll understand."

So we agreed to do that and rather than confuse the situation with sex he dropped me home. On the way he reiterated what he'd said and told me that he didn't want to know if anything else happened with coach. "I don't want you to have to keep up with lies to him. That's between you and him," he said. I couldn't thank Phillip enough for being so understanding. I felt better but I wasn't confident that coach would take me back and doubted anything more would happen. There would be a lot of questions.

As I lay in bed I went through what I'd say and hoped it would work.

Friday morning 9am I phoned coach. I told him I was sorry about what had happened, asking if I could speak to him to explain. I went as far as to tell him I didn't have a girlfriend and what I'd said was just a story I'd made up, but what I had to tell him couldn't be said over the phone. Thankfully he told me he'd pick me up at 11am and we could talk back at his.

It was an almost silent journey to his place, apart from a couple of pleasantries. I wasn't at all comfortable but I kept telling myself it was my own fault.

We got to his and he made us a coffee. "Ok Dave," he said. "Say what you need to say and we'll take it from there."

Holding my coffee with shaking hands I took a few sips, put the cup down on the coffee table and began.

I told him everything, from stealing the cigarettes to the last time with Phillip teaching me to worship a cock. I told him how I felt about Phillip, how it made me feel to be submissive, how being an exhibitionist made me feel, how hard punishment made me feel, how much I loved sucking his cock. I left nothing out.

It took nearly an hour to bare my soul to him and he didn't interrupt me once. When I finished he made us another coffee and we drank in silence while I watched him considering what I'd said.

"Have you spoken to Phillip to let him know you're telling me this?" he asked. I thought about what Phillip had said, but felt I shouldn't lie to him. So I told him that I had spoken to Phillip. Explaining that I was so upset about what had happened and that Phillip was the only person I knew who I could ask for advice. I also told him I didn't want to lie anymore to him.

I knew it was a risk, but I hoped coach would appreciate it more if I was just honest. "So he knows what happened on Wednesday," he said. It was a statement, but I responded anyway, saying Phillip knew but it was only because I'd needed advice.

He asked me if I intended to tell Phillip about our conversation. I said I didn't, other than to let him know if I'd been kicked out of the club or not. I went on to say if he still wanted to kick me out I'd understand, but the only reason I had lied was because I was scared of what he would think about me. He thanked me for being so honest.

He thought for a moment. "What you do outside the club doesn't bother me Dave. It's your life and you can choose how you live it," he said. "As long as it doesn't put the club at risk, it's fine. I understand why you lied and why you asked Phillip for advice. It must have been hard to tell me all of that."

He told me it explained a lot. Then said he was concerned that Phillip might be manipulating me. We went into a long conversation about that. He obviously cared about me both as a person and as a student. That was clear. I think he was surprised at my level of maturity considering it was still all new to me.

"So what we did on Wednesday must have seemed pretty boring," he said. His smile looked slightly sad. I wondered if he was upset to know what I had with Phillip. I'd just spent what was nearly 2 hours confessing how special Phillip was to me and assuring him I knew the complications. Maybe that had hurt his feelings.

I told him that it was far from boring. Quite the opposite and I'd been hoping for more. Then told him I was just sorry it had ended the way it had because of my own stupidity.

"Ok Dave," he said. "I need to have a bit of time to think about everything you've said. I know you have to work tonight and tomorrow. Maybe we can chat again after you finish tomorrow so you'll know by Sunday."

I said I was still worried about being kicked out of the club. Then told him that Phillip had given me the night off work so, if he wanted, we could chat later this evening. He agreed and told me he'd take me home and pick me up around 7pm.

The drive home was quiet, but I was hopeful at least. I thanked him for listening before getting out of the car.

I spent the afternoon nervous. I decided to shave to keep my mind occupied and then did a few chores. I told my mother that I wasn't working and that coach was collecting me to talk about an upcoming competition in a few weeks time.

Coach arrived just after 7pm. As I got in the car I noticed he was wearing a white T-shirt and white running shorts. It was a warm evening so it didn't surprise me, but I couldn't help noticing how the shorts accentuated his bulge. I tried to remember this wasn't about sex, but my future with the club.

He was quiet though, as if he had a lot on his mind. It left me feeling all the more nervous about his decision.

When we got to his, he offered me a beer, went to get it and sat down next to me on the sofa.

"Ok Dave," he started. "I've thought about everything you told me earlier. I appreciate how difficult it must have been."

I nodded my head and said it had been very difficult, but was happy I'd owned up to him. He was sitting with his legs open. Even then, knowing my club future was the reason I was there, I still couldn't stop myself briefly looking at the bulge in his shorts. Somehow, possibly because of style, it looked more prominent.

"Yes," he went on. "You were extremely honest and I'm surprised at your maturity. You're obviously a very sensible young man. I guess I already knew it, but what you told me just confirmed it really. So thanks for that."

I tried to say he didn't need to thank me but he carried on.

"You must have a lot of trust in me to tell me the things you did," he continued. "Which makes me believe I can trust you too."

I confirmed I did trust him and assured him he could trust me, saying I'd never lie to him again.

"Good," he said. "So I won't be asking you to leave the club."

My relief was overwhelming. I thanked him a number of times and hugged him tightly. I was so relieved I nearly cried.

I eventually let him go and he told me we could have a few drinks if I liked, to celebrate. "I'll pay for a taxi to get you home later," he said with a huge smile. I was so elated and took him up on the offer.

So we had a few drinks, he put some music on and we generally had a good time in each other's company. Whenever he stood up to get drinks I would sneakily look at his bulge. Obviously, I was very aware of his size, but I still couldn't work out why it looked so prominent. It looked unusually large. I decided it must be the shorts he was wearing. They were the type with a slit on each side and tight, very tight. I also noticed how good his buttocks looked in them. Thoughts of Wednesday flashed through my head.

It got to around 10.30pm and I was a little bit drunk, not ever so, but tipsy. I guessed he was too. We were on the sofa when he just came out with it. "You can't fucking help yourself can you," he said grinning. I looked at him, not quite understanding. He put his arm around my shoulders. "You Dave," he said. "Are what I like to call a cockwatcher."

The alcohol made me feel brave so I told him that it was his own fault for having such a big cock. It was unlike me to be so brazen but he didn't react badly.

Just as Phillip had, he leaned forward and snogged me. Despite the shock I responded immediately. This was more passionate though, yet at same time, more tender. My cock sprang into life.

"I really like you Dave," he said when he pulled back. "I'm so glad you told me about Phillip. It's changed everything." Then went on to voice his concern about Phillip, saying he felt he was just using me for sex and was worried I'd get hurt.

I responded by telling him I was using Phillip too. That it wasn't an emotional relationship but purely sexual and that I liked it that way. I told him I wasn't looking for anything serious, with a man or a woman. I knew that if I didn't want something to happen I could say no and walk away. Despite his concerns, I trusted Phillip and everything I did, I did willingly.

He kissed me again and again I responded, sharing our tongues. The same way I did when I kissed women. It was so passionate. The intimacy felt so good. I loved the way he kissed. The fact he was a man didn't make it feel unnatural. If anything it made it more exciting.

We stopped and he told that that in some ways he felt jealous of what I had with Phillip. I was genuinely surprised to hear him say that, considering what he'd said. He saw my reaction. "I don't really understand what you get out of it Dave," he said. "But it's obvious you enjoy it." I told him I did. It was exciting. I was enjoying this new discovery.

Then he told me how upset he'd been on Wednesday. He'd thought we'd had something special and the story I had created had just ruined it. "I only asked about her because I was trying to gauge how serious you were," he went on. "I was actually thinking that if it wasn't too serious you and I could have gone further."

I was so happy to hear him say that, although I still thought I'd ruined it. He had no idea the things I'd been thinking about him. The wild fantasies I'd created. Given what had happened I wasn't sure he'd want to hear them, so all I said was that I wished I hadn't lied because I'd wanted to go further with him.

"Really?" he asked. "What do you mean when you say further?" In spite of the alcohol, I blushed and told him I'd had a few fantasies about him. My cock was so hard by then and the bulge in his shorts was like a magnet for my eyes. I was pretty sure I wasn't just taking sneaky looks anymore. Somewhere in the back of my mind I was wondering what he meant by further too.

He told me he would love to hear what I'd been thinking but wanted to tell me something before I did. He went on to say that I wasn't the only person who'd lied. "I told you on Wednesday that I didn't know why guy's got worked up about big cocks Dave," he said. I remembered him saying. "Well, the thing is, I do know." I couldn't see where this was leading so just stayed silent.

"I've always known I was gay," he continued. "I found out fairly early on that men liked my size and for a long time I used it to attract the type of guy I liked." I couldn't see anything wrong with that at all. I told him if I were him I'd have done the same thing. He smiled.

He carried on and explained he'd begun to dress up so that it accentuated his size when he went to clubs. He'd get hit on and when he liked a guy he would have sex with him. Most of the time all they wanted was to wank or suck him off. Occasionally he would give them anal sex too, but it was quite rare.

Until he said it, I'd never really thought about anal sex. I liked that him and Phillip had exposed me and I had definitely liked it when Phillip had licked me. My thoughts hadn't gone further than that however.

He continued to tell me that the dressing up had become more extreme and he felt he'd become almost addicted to what he was doing. To the point where he didn't care what the men looked like. He said he had become hooked on the power he had over men because of his size. He knew he wasn't as big as some he'd seen, but even so he knew he was large enough to get what he wanted whenever he needed it.

I was genuinely surprised there were men bigger than him and when I said that, he laughed and told me that some he'd seen were a lot bigger. I just had to take his word for it I guessed.

"Then, one night I was at a club and it just hit me," he said. "I realised I didn't like the person I'd become."

I probably didn't really understand at the time, but I did learn to. He went on to say he'd stopped what he'd been doing. He'd tried serious relationships but they never worked out and, if he was honest, he didn't want that. He liked his life as it was, but he missed the sex and he missed the intimacy.

I was kind of shocked because it was coach telling me this, but it seemed fairly tame to what I'd been doing with Phillip. I was flattered he felt he could tell me and when I told him that, he kissed me again. It was a very long kiss and I felt a sense of urgency. When he pulled away, there was a look of lust in his eyes. I hadn't seen that look before and it excited me. He didn't look like coach anymore. It's hard to explain what I mean, but his eyes seemed to have a glazed look to them.

"I've kept those feelings hidden for years," he said, but there was a tone in his voice I hadn't heard before. "Then you fucking came along."

I didn't know what to say. I didn't even understand what was happening. My erection was desperately trying to push it's way through my zip. When I looked down the wet patch was so large it looked like I'd had an accident.

"For nearly 2 weeks you've been looking at my cock every chance you get," he said. "You haven't even tried to hide it Dave. You might think you have, but you haven't." I thought about what I could say.

"Even tonight, as soon as you got in the car," he said. "You don't realise it, but you looking at me like that, is like a red rag to a bull. Then on Wednesday I saw that look in your eyes when you held it."

He explained it had all come rushing back at that moment. He said I'd looked hypnotised when I held it and that was the look he'd missed for years. "Then, after hearing about Phillip, instead of kicking you out of the club, I dressed up for you like this." he said holding his hands out as if to show his outfit off to me.

My mind was trying to take in what he was saying, but all I could do was look at his crotch. Fuck, it looked so big. I could feel my own erection throbbing. Did my coach just tell me he'd dressed up like that for me?

He laughed with a kind of snort. "All these years I thought it was me holding the power," he told me. The look of lust even more pronounced, before leaning forward to kiss me again. The tenderness replaced with force now.

"We're both exhibitionists Dave," he said as he stood up. "We just do it for different reasons." Then he suggested I get undressed while he got us another beer. It didn't take me very long to strip off.

When he came back he had taken off his T-shirt and shorts. He was dressed only in a black tightly fitted jockstrap. I'd seen them before, of course, but only the standard white sports ones. The one he was wearing was definitely not made for sports.

He handed me the beer and stood in front of me. God, the bulge looked enormous. I could clearly see that his cock had been tucked downward over his balls. It bowed the front of the jockstrap that was struggling to contain it. The whole of pouch seemed to stand proud of his groin. I couldn't take my eyes off it for a few moments. It was, and still is, one of the sexiest sights I've ever seen.

He used his feet to move my own further apart. "That's better," he said. "I love looking at your cock Dave. It's always so fucking hard. So much precum too."

He bent over and we snogged heavily. Then he stood up again telling me he hadn't forgotten how much cum I'd given him on Wednesday. "You don't even realise how sexy you are." he smiled down at me, then asked me to pull his jockstrap down. "I've got a little surprise for you," he grinned. "I put it on just for you. I hope you like it."

I put the can of beer down and ran my hands up the front of his strong thighs. My eyes were literally glued to his bulge. I hooked my fingers into the thin elastic of the waistband and slowly pulled his jockstrap down to his ankles. He stepped out of it and I tried to take in what was in front of me.

His erection wasn't quite solid yet, unlike my own, but was well on it's way. His movements making it swing gently from side to side. Wrapped tightly around the base and under his scrotum was a thick band of leather, joined at the top by one of 3 brass coloured press studs. The effect it had caused his balls to be lifted, squeezed and pushed forwards, whilst the thick shaft looked engorged and even thicker than usual. The colour of the skin, normally quite pale, was now a deep almost purple shade. The long thick vein that ran the length of his cock had ballooned. Almost grotesquely so.

The photo in one of the magazines Phillip had shown me came to mind, but this looked so much better. I couldn't quite believe it. When I moved to look from the side it made his genitals seem almost as if they were detached from his body. The leather band causing an optical illusion, as if his cock and balls were floating in front of his groin. Fuck. It was beautiful. Absolutely beautiful.

Coach stayed silent as I just gazed. Allowing me the chance to process what I was looking at. He had shaven his balls too and the usual, nicely trimmed pubic bush had been replaced with a neatly manicured "landing strip" of hair.