Thursday night Robert knocked on my door and asked, "Are you ready for Monday morning?"
"What do you think? I'm starting my senior year at a new school. I don't know anyone. Not much to look forward to." I stopped myself, took a deep breath, and then sheepishly looked at Robert. "I'm sorry. I know I'm being a jerk, I don't really mean to be. I plan on going shopping tomorrow after therapy for some clothes and other shit I might need. Do you think Josh would want to go with me?"
"You'll be fine. Josh will be hanging out with Jarrod and Mike tomorrow and then spending the night over at Jarrod's. I'll be out pretty late, so it's probably best you plan on going shopping. That way you won't be sitting here at home bored and alone." Robert turned to go, but stopped. "Oh, by the way, I have a surprise for you. I spoke with Mrs. Sanders, the journalism teacher. I know you had to give up your position on the yearbook staff moving down here, so I used my influence as her boss and got you on the yearbook staff," Robert said with a wink.
I couldn't hide the smile on my face even if I tried. "For real?"
"Yeah, I looked over your schedule and made some adjustments. You're now on yearbook staff and I got you into Advanced Drama. I also got you a free period you can use however you like. There are perks to being the assistant principal's kid." He said the last part with a hint of hope in his voice.
This particular song and dance with Robert was starting to get tiresome. He wants to be my father, but I'll never be able to view him as anything other than my brother. I've asked him repeatedly to stop saying shit like that. All it does is piss me off. I felt the anger building up and there was nothing I could do to stop it. "Brother, Robert. The assistant principal's kid brother. Dammit, I've told you a hundred times! I don't need a new father. You'll never replace him." We stared daggers at each other for a few moments. "Besides, what right do you have to change my schedule? Trying to keep tabs on me all day now? You had no fucking right to do that. You gave up that right when you chose to leave me."
This is where he would usually get a pained look on his face, bow his head, and apologize to me. His reaction this time surprised the shit out of me. "You know I'm getting really fucking sick and tired of hearing that shit. I'm not trying to replace Dad. I'm just trying to do the best I can for you and Josh. You're not the only person who lost someone. I lost my parents too, remember?" Robert took a ragged breath, and then said in with a softer tone, "Who am I going to turn to when I have a question about Josh or you? Who am I supposed to ask for advice on how to be a good person and parent? At least you have someone looking out for you and only wants what is best for you. Besides, how many fucking times do I have to tell you how sorry I am for making that decision?"
I couldn't believe this. I stared at him for a few moments-all I could see was red. I started yelling, "Advice on being a good parent? Not like you would've listened to it if you were to ask. You sure the fuck didn't sixteen years ago when you married the cunt-whore-bitch, so why would you start now? A good parent wouldn't have left his one year old son to be adopted and raised by his parents. A good parent would have told the kid the truth when he asked his older brother if there was a chance he was possibly adopted. A good parent would have stood up to his wife, instead of allowing her to insult his kid."
Robert had a tear running down his cheek when I looked up at him. "I'm so sorry Teej, I didn't want her to keep Josh and you apart. I thought I was doing what was best for both of you."
Before I could respond, Josh came into my room. "Teej, Dad, please stop. I can't handle y'all fighting again. Dad, you know he's working on processing everything still. Teej, you know that Dad is trying to look out for you. I know you think it's too late, but he is trying his best. Now, why are y'all arguing this time?"
I knew my answer was lame. I mumbled my response. "Robert went and changed my schedule without me knowing about it."
Josh looked at me blankly. "So? He does it for Jarrod, Mike, and me every year. I want him to. That way, I'm not stuck with some lame teacher all year."
"Oh, I didn't really think of it that way."
He rolled his eyes and asked, "What way did you think of it?"
Robert spoke up then. "He thought I was trying to keep tabs on him so I would know where he was at any time during the day."
Josh looked at me like I had three heads and then started laughing. "Umm, Teej. All he has to do is type our name into his computer and pull up our schedule if he wanted to know where either of us were. You seriously went there?"
"Well, yeah. It sounded good in my head. The real reason we were fighting though was because he was trying to be my father and not my big brother." I stopped. "No, I was trying to start a fight with him. Robert, please just be my brother. I'm not sure if I can ever see you as my dad, but I still need my big brother."
Robert nodded. "I know Teej. But you know dimples over there is going to keep introducing you to everyone he can Monday as his brother, right? I mean he's already told Jarrod and Mike the truth about y'alls relationship."
"Yeah, I know. And I'm okay with being his brother. Hell, we've always been more like brothers than anything else. Besides, he asked me the other night if he could introduce me as his brother and then smiled at me with those damn dimples."
"Hey! Don't talk smack about my dimples, they're irresistible. They make me adorably cute, and impossible to say no to. At least that's what you used to tell me."
I smirked. "Damn me and my big mouth."
Josh looked between us before continuing. "So, are y'all good now? Teej? Dad?"
We both nodded. Josh sighed and said, "Good. So, I was thinking about coming out to Jarrod and Mike tomorrow night at our sleepover. I don't think they'll have a problem with it. They don't have any problems with TJ being gay."
Robert tensed up some. "Josh, are you sure? Once you do that, it will be out there and you won't be able to take it back. I'm not sure it's a good idea right now."
I couldn't hide the contempt in my voice. "Oh really, and why is that? Are you concerned about Josh or are you more worried about how it will look having two gays living with you?" Honestly, I don't try to look for the negative in everything Robert says. Lately, he's had that effect on me.
Robert glared at me, but didn't object to what I said.
Josh noticed. "Dad, what do you mean? Why wouldn't I be honest with my best friends? It's not like I'm going to be the only gay guy in the school. Teej already told me he's not going to hide it."
Robert turned on me. "Really? You decided that without discussing it with me first?"
"I didn't know it was something you needed to approve of, Robert. This is my life. I'm not going to hide who or what I am."
"Think TJ. This isn't the Dallas area. People aren't as accepting of that lifestyle here."
I was doing my best to not start in front of Josh. "I know you're trying to look out for us. But I'm not going to hide who I am. I'm not going to go around telling everyone; but, if I'm asked, I won't deny it. Also, if I meet someone, I won't hide my relationship."
Josh looked at his dad. "If you don't think I should, then I won't dad."
That pissed me off more than anything. "The fuck you won't Josh. I'm not telling you to come out or not. I'm only telling you that if and when you feel like the time is right, you should do it and not be afraid. I'll be there for you."