"Hey there, Little Buddy. How are you?"
Those seven words broke my heart. No, that's not it, it wasn't the words. It was the look on Josh's face that made my heart shatter into a million tiny pieces. How fucking stupid could I have been? There were signs everywhere, written with big, bold, red letters, warning me to proceed with caution. He played football and baseball, he was going to be a senior, and he was nice as hell.
It was obvious something was wrong. Josh had burst into the room like a little ball of energy, a smile plastered on his face. Suddenly, he got quiet and the smile faded. I was just sitting there, not moving or saying anything. What was I supposed to say? Finally, Josh managed to speak, "What?"
"I'm so sorry, Josh."
"Hey, what's up?"
Sean and my responses came out together. Sean looked at me with a smile and asked, "Why are you sorry?"
I lost myself in Sean's emerald green eyes for a moment, then swallowed hard. "I'm so sorry, Sean; but I can't do this. I didn't know."
The last part was said to Josh, who simply glared at me before he left. That glare told me everything I feared-Josh hated me right now. The next thing we heard was his bedroom door slamming shut.
Sean took a ragged breath and closed his eyes. "TJ, what do you mean you can't do this? What is it you can't do? And what didn't you know?"
"I swear I didn't mean to lead you on, but I can't do this."
Sean kept looking from me to the open door. It didn't take him long to figure out what was going on. After a few moments, he took my hand and asked, "Why can't you do this, TJ? You know it feels right. Please tell me why. Is it because you don't want to hurt Josh?"
I wanted to tell him yes more than anything, but this wasn't my secret to tell. I shook my head and said, "I can't tell you why Sean. Please don't ask me to. Could you just go before it gets too hard to let go of your hand?"
He whispered, "It already is."
He gripped my hand tighter. We sat there for who knows how long. Eventually, Robert knocked on the door. "Hey, are y'all doing okay in here?" He noticed our hands and grinned slightly.
I nodded and asked, "How is he doing?"
Robert smiled and said, "He's upset but okay." Then he looked at Sean and continued. "He wants to talk to you if that's okay."
Sean smiled and said, "That's fine. I'll go talk to him now."
I went to follow but Robert placed a firm hand on my shoulder and said, "Just Sean. We need to talk."
Sean and I looked at each other and he nodded to me. Sean headed to Josh's room and I started talking before he was out of the room. "Robert, you have to know I didn't have any clue. I should've seen it, but Josh never told me his name. From the look he gave me earlier, he hates me."
"I talked to him and reminded him who his best friend is. Josh loves you. Right now, he's telling Sean everything. He wanted me to tell you if Sean makes you happy, go for it. He just needs some space and time to get used to the idea. He'll be okay and I promise you'll have your best friend back in no time. Oh, yeah, he also said to tell you if you try to do the noble thing and stop seeing Sean, he'll never talk to you again."
"I don't think Sean would let me stop seeing him, so we don't have to worry about that. I just wish Josh hadn't been hurt. So, he won't talk to me at all right now?"
"He doesn't want to say anything to you he might regret later. He just had his heart broken for the first time."
"So, you have another date tonight, huh? Who is she?" I asked, desperately trying to change the subject.
"Well, I don't want to say anything yet, because it's someone from work. If it doesn't work out, I don't want things to be weird for her. I promise if it gets serious, then you and Josh will meet her."
"Okay, I'll let it slide for now. But, I want to meet her eventually. Now, what's going on in there? Sean and I need get my tire fixed, then get my car back. Would you mind if I went out with Sean and then spent the night over at his place? Well, hopefully, that's what we're doing, I haven't told him what our plans are yet." I laughed while Robert rolled his eyes at my joke.
I went to get Sean from Josh's room. I cleared my throat to let them know I was headed that way. Sean met me at Josh's door, blocking any view of Josh I might have had. "Hey, I was just coming to get you. We need to go get my tire fixed and get my car if you don't mind giving me a ride."
"Of course, I'll give you ride. We can go to my place and hang out. Bring your swimsuit and a change of clothes."
We got my car fixed and finally arrived at Sean's at about 2:30 pm. There was a note on the kitchen table from Sean's dad stating he had to go to the office and he wasn't sure when he would be home. We were swimming when my phone rang around 6:00 pm. It was Robert. Before I could finish saying hello, he asked, "Are you coming home tonight?"
"No, I was going to call you in a bit and let you know I'm spending the night at Sean's."
"Okay, good. That's fine."
I realized that meant Josh would be at home alone most of the night, so I asked, "Will Josh be okay by himself? I know he was pretty upset earlier."
"Jarrod and Mike came over and they're staying the night. Josh will be fine; you don't worry about him. Have fun and be careful."
Before I could say anything else, Robert hung up. I sat down on a patio chair and stared at nothing. Sean got out of the pool and sat in the chair next to me. "Is everything okay? Can you stay the night?"
"Yeah, I can stay tonight. And everything is fucking great. My brother hates me. I've lost my best friend."
Sean took my hand in his and waited until I was looking at him before he spoke. "Why do you think that? Josh doesn't hate you. I promise. He told me this morning. I know we've been avoiding this all day, but I think you need to talk about it. So, why do you think Josh hates you?"
"Well, let's see. He wouldn't look at me this morning. He's talked to everyone else but me. Robert and you did everything you could to keep me away from him this morning and today. The one time he did look at, he did nothing but glare.
"Josh and I have never fought, except that one time at the lawyer's office. I told you about the fight but I didn't tell you I called him a faggot. He forgave me then because he said I was stressed and he knew I didn't mean what I had said. Why would he forgive me now? There's no excuse."