I woke up alone once again, but I guessed that it'd probably start being like that, an early bird and a night owl as we were, trying to accommodate the others habits. Rolling around in the bed I noticed Luke had folded up my clothes nicely from the pile I left them in, I was going to wear them anyway, what's the point? Oh well, what ever rocked his boat...
I thought back to last night. He trusted me with maybe the darkest corner of his soul and I him with mine. I had to smile, as horrid and incomprehensible as his story wouldn't have been, he trusted me, he trusted me and he didn't deny our awfully fresh relationship to his mother who didn't even blink an eye saying she made us just one bed. If that wasn't a reason to be happy, then I didn't know what was.
After savoring my routine of rolling around in bed, I got dressed and looked downstairs. I found them out on the porch, having a hushed conversation holding each others arms - one thing was sure, they were one loving family. And how on earth can someone so tiny be a mother to someone so large?
I wondered what they had been talking about as they noticed me in the doorway, both gently smiling at me.
His mother laughed sweetly looking over my groggy appearance as she realised Luke hadn't been joking about my sleeping habits - I was one of those people who just couldn't cope before a coffee and/or having been awake for a few hours.
Luke looked at me differently that day, sweeter or so, or maybe I was imagining things. Coming up to me he stroked my cheek and kissed me lightly. He literally kissed me in front of his mother. I had everything I could want in my life at that moment.
We had little light brunch together and packed our sparse belongings, promising to visit again when Luke has gotten his civil life in order. His mother kissed us both goodbye and watched us drive off.
My mother never kissed me, apparently that'd turn me into a sissy.
We spent most of the ride in silence, stopping by a cafe for an early dinner five hours into our drive. Even as it was probably the best day of my life, I had to note that our confessions had strained our relationship for the time being.
"Should we talk about last night?" Luke cautiously asked halfway through dinner.
"I'm not ready to talk about what I said." I mumbled softly as I avoided his look and dropped my cutlery.
"Okay. What about what I said?" he asked faintly.
"I, uhm... I can't judge you on that, but I just can't understand. I'm glad if it helped, but it's just... I can't understand."
"Okay, uhm, well... if you feel like you'd want any clarification from me or Kath said she'd be willing to have a sit down on that matter with you and uhm... yeah, it's not something I'm proud of, but yeah, I figured you should know."
"I'm glad you told me, but I think it'll be awhile until I wrap my head around it."
He gave me a shy smile and I carried on with my meal, but my mind was now asking me the hundred things I couldn't understand, one puzzle after another presenting itself to me.
"Okay," I said giving up on my cutlery again, "Was it always with a flog?"
"Yeah." he sighed softly.
"How can you do that with a flog? Like that kind of damage?"
"Well, the two of them are quite strong and yeah, put enough strength behind it and leather can cut skin, but uhm... how to say this... it really took some work to get to that latest result."
I took a good moment of thought, John, the man I'd known as the most gentle yet fierce lover, the most sympathetic person, a truly kind man, had put a great deal of effort into flogging Lukes skin open. Torturer style. Slave keeper style. Just trying to imagine it all felt nauseating.
"David, it's not like they enjoyed doing it." he scowled at the expression I must have had.
"Fuck, just... it's hard to understand." I sighed and shook off my expression.
"I know, but Kath has put a lot of research into the question and it worked. For me it worked and it's not something that would suit most people, for most people such therapy would probably turn things for the worse."
"I think I just need a good while to process this."
"We're still good?" he asked looking fairly anxious.
"Of course! This has nothing to do with us. I mean besides you trusting me with such information - for which I am grateful, but it's just the past, isn't it?"
"Yes." he said with a faint smile and we carried on with our meals for which I demanded to pay for as he'd paid for the hotel on the way there.
We talked more on the second part of our drive, even though it was still evident that our relationship was still strained. We reached the city limits well before sunset. It felt strange parting ways with him as he set me down and I invited him to spend the night with me, excusing myself with Jemma missing him and he agreed to be back in a few hours. I don't even know why I thought I needed an excuse.
After giving Jemma her much missed attention, I couldn't help but look up Kathrine, there had to be something on her, something just didn't add up about her. Yes she was an overachiever, but to have an education in psychology, have traveled through half of the world, be a restaurant manager, do business consulting, investing and top that off with the idea of her practicing and researching pain infliction therapy? I had to be missing something. And she was just thirty two to top it all off.
I was actually surprised I never googled her before. I did try to google John back in the day, but as he had said once, there were thousands of John Williamses, it was as good of a name as John Smith or John Doe for that matter. But Kathrine - I was suddenly very glad that when she took herself an English name she'd deliberately spelled it Kathrine instead of the usual Katherine or Kathryn, as literally just one Kathrine Williams came up in my search and holy fuck.
When Luke'd said that he was moving into Kathrines building, he had meant that he's moving into Kathrines building in the very meaning that it's her building.
Fuck, my ex-lover was a millionaire. And not just in a few millions meaning.
Using the Companies House service I found that Kath was on the board of several businesses and not to mention being the solo owner of a fair few companies. She was even a co-owner of Wolfies, my favourite bar. No wonder John never had to pay for a drink in there.
The more and more I looked, the more and more I felt stunned. I felt like it all had been a lie, but it hadn't. John'd always said that he loved his name for the anonymity it gave him. Even the way he dressed, always black jeans and a black tee shirt and I do mean always. In the four years I'd known him, I'd only once seen him swap his black tee shirt to a light blue dress shirt and that was for my first solo concert when he pretended to be my boyfriend.
Only thing remotely lavish about him was his car, but he had said that he simply couldn't resist getting a Mustang. I had to laugh, as back in the day I had thought he got the most basic version of the car since he couldn't afford the fancier ones. Well, I guess that was what he wanted people to think.
Okay, okay, fuck, well if he wanted to be your average John, then why not? It didn't matter, not now, not before. Not what I'd expected to find starting my search, but... it's better than anything I was afraid I might find.
