This was not the first trip I had made to south-east Florida. Hell, since I had been transferred here from California, I was making it every week because the company was rapidly expanding in the region. I didn't mind the drive from Tampa. It was a few hours but it gave me time to think and I knew it by heart anyway. As usual, the sun was shining and the sky was full of cumulus clouds racing across the blue Florida sky. I drank in the view and savored the moment.
So, what was so different about this trip? I had done this enough that it should be second nature to me by now.
Geez, I had to face this, I was turning twenty two and still hadn't slept with a guy or anyone for that matter. Oh, there were plenty that captured my interest but it hadn't happened for me because I wouldn't let it happen.
How I regret not making a move on Paul in college. I always caught myself staring at him.....and oddly enough.......always caught him staring at me. Oh well, that was then and this is now. I may not have a chance at Paul but surely there was someone out there like him.
I had resolved a couple months ago that I was not going to turn twenty two and still be a virgin. I was going to make it happen!
I had long ago admitted to myself that I was gay. Just admitting it was a huge step for me. What am I thinking? I always knew that I was gay it was the acceptance thing that I had trouble with.
Anyway, the next step was going to be a big one. How the heck do I satisfy this pent up desire? This longing I had within me. Sister Jerome had always told us about being true to ones' self and I never forgot it. I thought that sounded like a good way to be.
But I didn't want to sleep with just any guy. I wanted it to be special and that was the problem and I was running out of time.
I knew I had nothing to worry about in the looks department. I'd had too many advances from both sexes. I was a pro now at discharging "difficult" situations. Christ, it was second nature to me!
I had studied myself enough in the mirror and I knew I was attractive. I had an athletic frame which helped me out in sports. I was good but I wasn't a jock. Yet all those high school and college years of playing sports had given me an athletes' physique. Running five miles per day didn't hurt either.
I glanced at the clock in the hotel lobby. It was six in the evening. I had made pretty good time. The anxiety of my thoughts had caused the speedometer to reach eighty on a few occasions. Thank God no cops were out there today. I never saw very many on the Florida turnpike anyway. Maybe they left people alone out there since it was a toll road and people had to pay. Oh well... who cares..... doesn't matter. I made it and I had to face this thing that consumed me.
I don't mind saying, I was a bit more than apprehensive.....Hell, I was scared. And yet I wanted it so bad it ached inside. I wanted someone to hold and caress. I wanted someone to want me the way I wanted him. How was I going to do this? Where would I find him? Who would he be anyway? Would it be a cheap one-niter or would he be the one?
God I gotta stop thinking about it. It's consuming my every thought.......eating at me........maybe I should remain asexual. As unfulfilling as it is, it seems much easier at the moment.
I usually went for a five mile run along the beach after check-in. Then I would go out for dinner and a couple drinks but tonight I wasn't in the mood. I just lay on the bed in my hotel room trying to sort this thing out. God, I was a sight to behold. I know for sure I'm gay because I'm acting like a big sissy now. And thinking like one too.
I closed my eyes and had a vision. I could see myself standing at the window in the room with my arms around someone. It was a guy. We were in our underwear and we were holding each other.
Oh my God, stop it ya big wuss.....as I snapped myself out of my funk........get off your arse and make it happen I told myself.
It was Friday morning and I had two construction sites to inspect today. I was regional construction manager and it was my job to monitor the progress as well as the contractor's compliance to the blue prints. I had better get going since one was in Hollywood and the other was in Hialeah and the traffic here is terrible. I'll be spending most of the day in traffic. I'm just glad the company car is a nice one since I spend so much time in it.
I make a routine visit to the site in Hollywood and everything is on schedule. The quality of the work is pretty good too. I'll have to remember to give this contractor another bidding opportunity. He's doing a good job. I finish with the site superintendent and tell him I'm just going to wander around the jobsite for awhile as I leave the field office.
Who am I kidding? What I really want is to see if there are any hot guys working on the job. I can get away with staring here since it's my job to look! Oh dear God, please let there be something to look at......even if all I can do is look.
As I stroll around the site my eyes wander randomly from guy to guy. Maybe I ought to look at the work once in awhile I think to myself. And then bingo it happens...... "Would you just look at that" I tell myself. For Pete sake this guy was an Adonis. What would I do with that if I could? I know damn well I could figure out something.
I know I'm staring but I can't help it; he's beautiful. I feel a bulge in my pants, this can't be happening.....not at work, not out in plain sight. I clasp my job folder with two hands and hold it in front of me.....what else can I do short of leaving........and that's not an option! I'm going to take in some more of this guy.
He must be every bit of 6'-2" tall. I'm 6'-0" and he's a bit taller than me. He's wearing a sleeveless, tight fitting T-shirt and his body is very well defined. And on top of that he is very good looking. "He probably has a girlfriend" I think silently.
Just then he stands up and looks my way..... I was busted. "What a dork" I tell myself. Then he smiles at me......I have to leave.......I got caught looking .......no I got caught ogling. How pathetic.
Before I can finish the thought, he starts walking towards me. I can feel the damp in my arm pits, I just hope it isn't real obvious. I feel a little light headed and confused.....I honestly can't move even if I wanted to.....which I don't. I have this stupid job folder covering up my pride or should I say my problem.
"My name is Tony" he says as he extends his hand with a smile. I reach for his hand and offer "hi I'm Andrew, my friends call me Drew".
As I begin to grip his hand I realize I'm getting a bad grip....sorta off center or something........so I adjust my grip and shake his hand with the correct firmness. If I had stopped ogling I would have been able to look at his hand and get it right the first time. And why did I tell him my friends call me Drew.......that was lame. This isn't going well. I'm sure it's written all over my face. Why am I having trouble with this.......this brush off and denial stuff is supposed to be second nature to me right?
He closes his beautiful smile masking his white teeth and says "you're probably wondering why that was done that way aren't you"?
I respond with a "yes" ....having no clue as to what he's referring to. He doesn't know it but he has this aura around him and I can feel it. Lord, how I would like to get inside it too.
There were very few times that I recall having this "swooning" feeling before. Usually it's when I'm walking through the airport, at the mall or something like that. And it's always over pretty quick. But this time I'm forced to deal with it. Oh well, here goes ......
"The problem" he begins "is with this grade-beam over here" as he turns and points to it. Tony places his hand on the back of my shoulder to escort me over to where he was working.
My shoulder does an involuntary twitch. "Oh sorry" he says.
"It's ok" I reply "it's so hot today" I said. Geez, if he only knew the half of it.
"Why don't you take off your tie and loosen your collar" he says. "There's no one from the office here".
"Ya, your right, and it's humid today" I agree and so I do. Maybe that will help me breathe easier. I have to compose myself, this is business and not the beginning of some slow dance I tell myself.
Then it dawns on me......He thinks I noticed a flaw in the construction. And he's going to explain it to me....maybe I've saved face here.....just maybe.
As I follow him I can't help but notice every aspect of him. His dirty blond hair bleached by the sun, his tan skin, how perfectly his jeans fit. The well defined muscles that are just right and not too big. And those eyes.......yes those eyes......how they grip and hold my attention.
After his explanation, I agree with him and accept the alteration. I would accept anything from him for Christ sake.
