CHAPTER SIXTEEN: Thor and Stephen
Thor seemed uncharacteristically quiet one night. No real conversation over dinner and a cursory goodbye when he returned to the gym for a few hours. Even when he returned, he barely spoke before getting into bed. Once in bed, Tommy felt a distance from Thor, his touch returned with little attention.
"Something troubling you, love?" Tommy asked him.
Thor looked at Tommy with distress in his eyes.
"I don't know how to say this." Thor struggled with every syllable. "I met someone today."
Tommy tried to keep his concern from his face.
"And?"
"And, I wasn't looking for anything, I was just there in the bank getting change for the juice bar cash register, and suddenly, there he was in the line next to me. He's not even my 'type', I can't believe just seeing him there has affected me so much."
"What's his name?" Tommy asked.
"Stephen."
"You talked with him?"
"Yes, he caught me looking at him. I can't explain it. It was like something came over me and I had to look at him." Thor looked pained.
"And?"
"And I made some small talk about doing bank business, the weather, and stuff like that. Then I asked him if he'd like to have coffee or something."
"And?"
"And we did, had coffee at the shop next to the bank. Nothing happened, and yet I can't explain why I feel this way. I'm confused. I know I love you. I never imagined I'd be as happy as I've been since we've been together."
"Thor, I love you. Nothing on earth can change that. I know you love me, too. What we share is just that, between us. I don't know why you're so involved in this, but I guess it doesn't matter, you are. I don't want to lose you, not even for a minute, but I don't own you. If this is causing you such distress, then it's something you have to find out about. I'm afraid if you don't, wondering about it might destroy what we have. I want you here with me, but my love doesn't have conditions."
Thor began to cry. Tommy held him and fought off feelings of panic.
The next morning, Thor lay awake in the bed. Tommy felt the rigidity of his entire body, not the welcoming embrace he had come to expect. Thor asked softly, "Do you want me to move out?"
"Thor, this is your home. I welcomed you here with no requirements. Moving out doesn't make any sense. I want you to be comfortable with us, with living here. I don't make any demands on you, except to tell me what you're feeling, what you're thinking. I won't claim to be disinterested, but I'll try to be a friend, not just a lover."
Thor left for the gym. Tommy took the day off from his work out, the first time they had not worked out together. Tommy missed Thor and was afraid. He was more afraid that making demands of Thor would drive him away. Tommy hated compromising his own wants, but he loved Thor more.
Thor stayed away all day and didn't return until late that night. He crept into bed. Tommy was awake and turned toward Thor. "Can you talk about it?"
"Yeah, I was with Stephen. He works for a company downtown, accounting or something. We just had dinner together at a Chinese place. He can't use chopsticks to save his life. He's skinny, losing his hair, affected and I can't believe I can't get him out of my mind."
"Are you going to see him again?"
"Friday night, with some of his friends, a club near the waterfront." Thor's staccato replies sounded more aggravated then eager.
Tommy leaned over to kiss Thor, wanting to make a connection. Thor began to cry again. "Oh Tommy, I can't. I just can't. How can I make love to you when I have him in my head."
"Can I at least hold you? For now, just as a friend, someone who cares deeply about what you're feeling. Yes, I want to make love to you. I want to ease your heart any way I can. I love you, Thor, no matter what." Tommy enfolded the large man in his arms and stroked his chest soothingly. Thor snuggled back. They both felt Tommy's hard cock pressed against Thor's back, but ignored desire, seeking comfort not release.
Thor was out many evenings, but returned to Tommy's house and to Tommy's bed. He told of the outings, mostly with a group of Stephen's friends. Thor didn't understand why Stephen didn't want to be alone with him, but had to take time with him as he could.
Tommy tried to draw him out about what attracted Thor to Stephen to help Thor know is own mind. Tommy often felt jealous, but tried to keep that out of his conversations with Thor. Thor needed his best, most rational help. So Tommy pushed down the anguish he felt in is heart and spoke with Thor's best interests in mind.