My name is Jon Grossmann. Despite what you might think, I am not Jewish. At least, not ethnically. Maybe way back when someone in my family was, but no one in my family is anymore. Nope, just regular old uncertain European ancestry, like most North American white people. Anyways, not really trying to make this about race or anything, just making sure you weren't getting the wrong idea about me. This story is about changing sexual expectations. You might call it me becoming gay, but that isn't really appropriate, I don't think. I don't think I ever "became" gay, just like I don't think I ever "became" white.
It all started when I broke up with my girlfriend, back in 1991. I was 24 and fresh out of college, and she and I had had a bit of a falling out. I had thought we were in love and were going to get married eventually but she had other ideas. Nothing untoward, of course, like she cheated on me. This isn't one of those stories where everyone's fucking everyone, at least not yet. So we had broken up and I was hanging out with my friends Sayed and Peter at a bar having a drink when one of them came up with an idea.
"Hey, I have an idea. Why don't you come with us next week?" Peter suggested.
"Thanks, but I don't think spending a week in a car with a bunch of dudes will really help me out." I responded.
"Look, man. Sayed, Alec and I are all going down to San Fran for a bit of fun. Come along and we can guarantee you we will find a bunch of girls for you to spend some time with."
"Yeah, that is a good idea. You can be our straight friend that will keep the ladies away." Sayed laughed. You see, Sayed and Peter had been my friends since high school but they were also gay. Other people always thought it was weird that I was best friends with a couple of gay dudes, but I never even thought about it at all. They had simply been there for me when I needed them and they had never come on to me.
"What about accommodations?" I asked.
"Don't worry about it, man. Look, if you have to we can pitch in for a hotel room for you if you are uncomfortable hanging out with the gays." Peter said.
"Alright. I'll come. So long as you get me laid. I will come."
"My word is my bond, good buddy."
* * *
So that is how I ended up in a Honda with three gay guys driving down to San Francisco. I wasn't really friends with Alec, though we had hung out numerous times together. Unlike Sayed and Peter, he was rather flamboyant and often tried to flirt with me in the past. On the trip, he was a bit more of a gentleman, though his excitement for the arrival at San Francisco was palpable. We stopped once in Eureka to check out the sights but for the most part the drive was a straight shot
Arriving in San Francisco was interesting as it was late at night so all we did was get to the hotel and sleep. The hotel was downtown somewhere, and not being particularly well versed with SF, I didn't know what district it was in or anything. We had arrived at around midnight and we were all pretty exhausted from the drive, so we went straight to bed. The guys had rented out an ensuite that had two bedrooms each with a Queen Size and a couch. I decided to take the couch in the room where Sayed and Peter were sleeping because I didn't know Alec that well and they weren't making me pay anything. The first night was uneventful because we were so tired so the four of us just stayed up a bit talking about the places we wanted to see.
The next morning we awoke to a beautiful view of the Bay and San Francisco and the guys told me that we were in a hotel in what is colloquially known as the gay district, Castro. I didn't really care much since I had an interest in the sights more than the guys, but it was interesting. I also expected it with the company I was keeping. We left the hotel and spent the day sightseeing. We got a lot of looks from the guys leaving the hotel and when we returned and I thought to myself that they must think we are fresh meat. We saw the Golden Gate and the Science Museum as well as Pier 39 but after all that walking we had gotten pretty tired. When we got back to the hotel it was around five so we said that we would all have a nap and then get ready to go out clubbing.
We woke up from our naps at around 8 and got all dressed up to go clubbing. Peter, Sayed and Alec all worked together at a pretty well established accounting firm in Seattle, so they were dressed to the nines. I had just started a job at a marine engineering firm in Seattle and so I was still working my way up the salary totem pole so I wasn't doing poorly but I couldn't afford the suits they were dressed in. I had a simple suit from a department store while theirs were all tailored. They told me that we were going to an exclusive club in Castro that dealt with a particular clientele and that there might not be any girls. I didn't really want to go somewhere on my own at this point so I said I'd go along anyways. They laughed about how I would get hit on a lot and I remarked that it would be a nice change of pace, even if it was from a sex that I was not particularly interested in.
We headed down to the lobby and walked outside. The area we were in was pretty busy at this point in the evening, and there were quite a few girls around, but it seemed like most of them were just out with friends. That is something I was always able to detect. Some girls go out clubbing to find a guy but most just go out with friends to dance whereas the opposite is true with guys. Some guys go out to dance but most just go out to find a girl to take home. Which is why I always felt like a creep hitting on girls in a club and much preferred doing it in more social settings.
Walking around the area towards the club, we saw that the majority of the people here were guys, something my friends had been counting on. They didn't seem particularly flamboyant, but there were definitely more men holding hands than anywhere else I had been to in a while. Arriving at the club, I saw that it was a very discreet entrance. There was just one big muscular black guy standing at a black door. He looked us all over and before letting me in, he put his hand on my chest.
"You know what goes on in here, straight boy?" He said.
"Not exactly, but I'm cool, don't worry." I responded.
He chuckled. "Sure you are. Just don't start any trouble or you might wake up in a lot of pain. OK?"
"Yeah, no problem. Like I said, I'm cool." He smirked at me and let me past.
Heading down a tight stairwell, we stopped on the bottom floor, probably three stories down. The only lights were dark neons that were red and green. Further on there was a man that was screening us yet again, this time for ID. He checked our IDs and then took money for the cover charge. It had been cold outside so we checked our coats as well. Then we entered the club proper.
It looked like the club was set up as several different rooms. The main room that we had entered into seemed like a normal club. There were two bars on opposite sides and a dance floor in the middle. The color of the lights here was green. We all stepped up to the bar and got ourselves a drink. I got a scotch and soda and my friends all got martinis.
"So Jon, you should probably stay in this room if you don't want to see anything too gay." Peter said to me.
"What do you mean, too gay?" I responded.
"Look, the other rooms get pretty intense. This place is like a diamond. This room is on one side of the diamond, the two next door are the other edges and on the far end is the final room. Each gets progressively more intense. In this room, it is just normal dancing. In the ones next door the dancing requires that you either take off your shirt or your pants. In the final room, you have to lose both and there are no rules. So guys are fucking in that room."
"Holy shit." I didn't really want to see that tonight, but it sounded pretty crazy.
