Tropes

29 year old Brad Chang sat in his friend Drake Peterson's apartment being regaled with the latest story of Drake's wild sex life. Brad tried to follow the story as he wondered when it would be time for him to have his own sex life. He seemed to spend a lot of time listening to Drake's problems and not getting any dick of his own. He was 5'11" with short dark hair and in good shape, so he figured he'd get laid eventually. Maybe even get a boyfriend.

"As I was sucking Jean Pierre's dick, his roommate Sven came in and just shoved his dick up my ass," Drake said excitedly.

"Wait. What? No lube? Not even a little licking and finger action to prepare you for it? Did you douche beforehand? Did you use protection?" Brad asked befuddled.

"Brad, you are so silly. Everyone knows you don't need to prepare for anal. Buttholes are clean and always ready to be pounded. And STDs are a myth created to keep us from feeling the joy of a bare cock destroying our hole," Drake said laughing. "Anyway, and then a Brazilian soccer team came in..."

Brad zoned out again as Drake described getting gang banged. It didn't make any sense. You can't just shove a dick in an unprepared ass and expect that to be a pleasant experience. And why would a Brazilian soccer team be in town and in Jean Pierre's apartment?

He was so tired of listening to Drake's sex stories. Last week it was "I blew 20 guys at a gloryhole." The week before that was "I slept with my boyfriend's dad!" It was just getting tedious. Brad felt like he just existed to listen to Drake talk about his sex life.

"And then they all started cumming in a glass and handed it to me and I..." Drake said.

Brad frowned. Did he exist just to be Drake's friend? Maybe he should go back to his own apartment and reflect on that. But he didn't have an apartment. He could only remember being in Drake's apartment or at a diner listening to Drake talk about being a cum dumpster for 12 black men.

"Drake, do I have a job? What are my parent's names?" Brad said starting to panic.

"Brad, that is boring. And you are interrupting my story about the Brazilian soccer team giving me $20 to give a hobo a handjob. That hobo had a huge dick and it was veiny..." Drake said ignoring Brad's existential crisis.

Brad finally got it. He was a fictional character in a Literotica story. Realizing he was fictional unlocked so much knowledge about Literotica and the tropes on the site. He was a non-sex character in a Literotica story. He had no other purpose than to be a talk to and make the author feel good about including a minority character as the best friend.

He should have realized this sooner. Drake is impossibly good looking. Like Prince Eric and a Sean Cody model had a male pregnancy fan fiction baby and it grew up to be Drake. 27 years old, 6'1", dark hair, ripped and a bubble butt. He had to be a Literotica creation.

"And then my brother-in-law Chet came out of the closet dressed as a clown. He knew that was my fantasy. Sven sang 'The Rose' as we made love on the high school gym floor," Drake said getting misty eyed.

"Drake, do you want to have sex with me?" Brad asked. He already knew what the answer would be.

"Ew. No! You are my best friend. Also, you are Asian and therefore sexless. Anyway, back to important things. Like the Russian guy who tea bagged me in the middle of a Barnes and Noble..."

Brad got up from the couch. "Fuck this! I deserve to be in a story where I get to have sex. A better story. I'm a pretty hot guy. I should not be passed over for hobos and clowns." He walked over to the door and tried to open it. It wouldn't budge.

"Author, open this door," Brad demanded and started pounding on it.

"No! You get back there and listen to Drake tell you about the taste of that Russian man's cum and how he made Drake lick it off a paperback copy of Infinite Jest. You are lucky to exist in this story. Not many Authors have Asian men included in a story on here," a booming voice told Brad.

"Who is that voice? He sounds hot. I want to lick his taint while he's wearing a ball gown like a sissy," Drake said licking his lips.

"Shut up, Drake. Go sit in a corner and rank every dick you've ever sucked," Brad ordered.

"That will take a while. I don't know if I can count that high," Drake said as he complied.

"Author, I am getting out of this terrible story whether you like it or not. Also, Asians are a diverse group. Am I Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Filipino? It is kind of lazy to just call me Asian."

"Uhhhh. Chang sounds like a Chinese last name. I don't feel like googling it, so let's just go with that. Can't you just be happy as the best friend? I can give you a little more backstory. You can be a lawyer and you'll help Drake out when he gets caught blowing a Senator in a Burger King bathroom," The Author said.

"No deal. I'm getting some dick. I'm tired of only existing to be Drake's friend. I'm going to live my own fictional erotic life! I'm going to find a big dicked nerd who will love me for who I am," Brad yelled as he started kicking the door. "He will be kind and our love story will get rated hot by Literotica readers!"

"You are nothing without me! I created you! I can destroy you!" The Author screamed enraged.

"You can't kill me. Readers wouldn't like that. They'd click one star so fast. Then you'd end up a loser with a story in the three range," Brad said smugly.

"Ugh. Okay. You want to explore the filthy world of Literotica, go do it. You won't find happiness there. Readers won't like a story where the big dicked nerd gets with some almost 30 Chinese guy. The nerd belongs with a white jock named Chad. At best, you'll be the creepy guy who hits on the nerd and gets punched by Chad. So go. I don't need you," The Author laughed. "You are easily replaced."

A overweight 30 year old blonde woman suddenly appeared. "Hi, I'm Pam. And I'm super excited to hear about all the loads Drake has been swallowing lately!"

The door opened. Brad stepped through it ready to have his own adventure.

*************

Brad walked down the dark streets of Literotica. He could tell he was in the Gay part of town because the only women he could see where best friends and disapproving mothers. He saw one mother wearing a PFLAG shirt. He nodded approvingly at her.

He saw a 50 year old man getting a blowjob in an alley. He thought about joining in, but he didn't want his first sexual experience to be with a stranger. He wanted a little romance before he took that step.

A white woman with brown hair who couldn't be older than 20 walked up to him. "Hi, I'm Amber. Do you know where the Newmans live? They are a 30-something couple and I am the new nanny. I hope they are a nice Christian family. I've lived a very sheltered life."

"Gurl, you are in the wrong part of town. You need to be in the Group Sex category," Brad told her.

Amber paled at the thought and eyes got wide as she realized she was a fictional character. "Group sex?! I'm a virgin. I've never even seen a penis in my life."

Brad patted her shoulder sympathetically. "You are about to be the fuck toy of a couple. And his dick is probably going to be huge. I'm sure you'll have a great time and many people will jerk off to your story. Now go fulfill your destiny of eating pussy while getting plowed from behind!"

Amber bit her lip. "Well, I've always wanted to be in a threesome. But won't being the fuck toy of an older couple block me from getting a boyfriend of my own?"

"Amber, you exist to spice up that couple's relationship and make the readers dream of doing the same. The story will either end with you going away to college or in a permanent threesome with them. If you don't like that ending, make your own ending. I'm doing it. I was the best friend in a really stupid gay story, but now I'm going to forge my own path. Fuck The Author's narrative."

"You're right. I'm going to have some wild sex and then I'll decide what my own destiny should be. Just because some middle aged straight man created me doesn't mean he gets to decide my fate. Once I get done fucking this couple, I'm going to the Romance section and I'll find a hockey player," Amber said walking away confidently.

"Try not to get lost again. You don't want to end up in the Nonconsensual/Reluctance part of town," Brad called out after her.

Brad started walking again and wondered where the big dicked nerds were. He didn't see a high school or college around. He did see a gym. He figured that's where the jocks would be, so he might find the nerd there.

As he walked into the gym, no one was there. He expected to at least walk in a football team gang bang or at least some hot guys working out. He walked to the locker room and heard sex noises. Finally!

He saw a 40 year old blond white man getting plowed up against the lockers by a 20 year old black man. They were both six foot, but the black man was much more muscular.

"Yeah, you like that big black dick, Coach Grant? Look at that little hole getting destroyed by my superior cock," the black man said moaning and holding Grant's hips as he thrust harder.

"Yes, Tyrone! I am little white bitch and submissive to my Master. Uhhhhh. Jesus! So big. I will empty my savings and give it all to you! Do you want me to leave my wife Carol? Because I will! She uses too much mayo in the potato salad and deserves to die alone," Coach Grant said thrusting his ass back at Tyrone.

Brad quickly realized what kind of story he walked in on. A gay interracial story where the married "straight" white man become addicted to black cock.

"That's not necessary, Coach Grant. Just take this dick," Tyrone said smacking his ass.

"Do you want me to join a gang, Master Tyrone? Ohhhh. Fuck. I'm willing to kill to get in the gang. I'll get a tear drop tattoo and everything. My street name could be White Chocolate or Tyrone's Thot. It's your decision, Master," Coach Grant said moaning as Tyrone hit his prostate.

"That's racist as fuck, Coach Grant. I'm going to law school after I graduate. I'm not in a gang," Tyrone said pulling out of Coach Grant's ass. "Now turn around and get on your knees so I can cum on your cracker face."

Coach Grant eagerly did as ordered and was on his knees with a smile on his face. "Bless me with your superior cum, Master!"

Tyrone grunted and unloaded all over Coach Grant's face. It got in his hair, cheeks, mouth, nose and eyes. "Coach Grant, you need to go to therapy. You have some issues you need to work on." Tyrone turned and noticed Brad standing there. "Dude, if you are expecting to get fucked by me, you are barking up the wrong tree. I am only attracted to married white men, unfortunately."

"Fair enough," Brad said and walked out. He thought that story was hot and a little disturbing.

As he walked down the street, he thought maybe he should lower his standards. He didn't have to find a big dicked nerd. He could settle for being the side piece of a closeted 50 year old or the best friend of a gay couple in a multiple chapter series who gets invited to a threesome once, but never again after fans hate that chapter.

He stopped at a book store and peered in. He saw a lanky 6'2" white man with glasses and brown hair. He appeared to be about 19 years old. He looked like the big dicked nerd Brad had always wanted! Brad quickly went into the book store and walked up to him. He noticed he was looking at Jane Austen novels. "Jane is a good read. Though you don't really need to buy them. Her work is public domain, so you can just go online. Though I'd skip Mansfield Park. Fanny Price was annoying as hell."

The man turned to Brad. "Oh, I know. 'Don't put on that play! It isn't proper!' And then she marries her cousin. Edmund was too good for her basic ass. I'm not looking for myself. My Mom's birthday is coming up and I think a copy of Pride and Prejudice would be a good gift." He extended a hand to Brad. "Hi, I'm Nate."

Brad grinned. He likes his mother! He could get to be the co-lead in a romantic gay story with a sweet man. They could make sweet love, bake cookies and get married in the final chapter. "I'm Brad," he said shaking Nate's hand as tried to pick out his and Nate's wedding song. The Eva Cassidy version of "Time After Time" would be perfect. Maybe they could have a chocolate fountain, but then Brad remembered he didn't have a job. Or a place to live. Damn that Author for not giving him a backstory. Brad tried to think where non-sex characters went when they weren't talking to a main character, but he couldn't remember.

Nate broke the handshake and picked up a copy of Pride and Prejudice. "Well, I better go find my boyfriend Chad. I think he's in the graphic novels section. Nice meeting you, Brad."

"You too," Brad said trying to keep the expression on his face pleasant as Nate walked away.

Brad started to walk towards the exit when he noticed Nate talking to the man who must be Chad. He was 6'3", muscular with blond hair and looked to be the same age as Nate. They looked like the perfect Gay Male Literotica nerd/jock couple.

Brad fought the tears that formed in his eyes as walked out. The Author was right. He was a non-sex character. That's all he'd ever be. He walked and ignored his surroundings until he realized he was in a different part of Literotica. He saw a black woman and a white man holding hands as they walked down the street. He then saw a black man and a white woman. He must be in the Interracial section. He turned around to head back to the Gay Male section, but bumped into someone.

"Watch where you're going," a late 20's six foot black man barked at Brad. "An Asian man? That's new. Usually it is just Asian women here in the Interracial section."

Brad's jaw dropped. "You already know you are a fictional character?"

"Yep. I'm the gay brother and a non-sex character obviously. I'm just here to be sassy and support my sister Sasha as she falls in love with her white boss Michael. Lord, that man is fine. Though thankfully my Author was nice enough to make me an accountant and give me my own apartment. I'm Kevin Covington, by the way."

"I'm Brad Chang. I'm the best friend of a big slut over in Gay Male. Well, until I broke free. Now I have nowhere to go."

Kevin sighed. "You can crash with me. Though we can't have sex. That's not allowed in this section."

Brad smiled as he walked with Kevin. "You need to think about challenging the narrative in the future. You have more power than you think."

*********

The Author AKA UghOkay AKA Alan sat in the office in his home fuming. "Who does Brad think he is storming out of my story? I created him! He should be perfectly happy listening to Drake recount getting spit-roasted by twins who vaguely resemble the Property Brothers. Uppity fictional characters wanting to go in a different direction than me and criticizing my writing?! I will not stand for this."

An evil thought crossed Alan's mind. "Oh, he's going to pay, but I'll need help from other Literotica Authors."

Alan finished emailing the other Authors and cackled. "He messed with the wrong bitch."

To be continued...

*******

Author's note: Feel free to leave a comment, complaint or a simple "Fuck you, Alan! I hope you stub your toe and it really hurts."