Pounding. My heart is pounding and adrenaline courses through my body like electricity as I cruise the adult bookstore. "What if I get caught?" I worry as I try to think of a plausible explanation. I cannot. I am horny and want to get off with someone, even if that someone is another man.
Men understand meaningless sex, sex as a transaction where you both get something. There is no shame in scratching an itch, but there is shame in getting caught. At least for me. I prefer women, but I have never been good at one-night stands. I am not a pick-up artist. With men it is a quick look and a nod.
My experience is limited; parking in some dark place for a mutual hand or blow job. I think about my past experiences. I am troubled. One time, with a guy my age, I licked his balls and sucked him until he came in my mouth. I swallowed. We parted ways. I went home and while laying in bed, realized I had not cum. I was completely satisfied in getting him off. "What does this mean? What does this say about me?" I jacked off to the memory.
Other experiences were not great, but even the worst scratched my itch. I understand male desire. I bottomed for two men. It was not as good as my fantasy but I still enjoyed being the object of desire, being their hole as they plunged in to me. The masculine desire to fuck and cum into a body, this I understand. Still, there was something mechanical and unemotional about it, something disconnected. It was fun but shallow.
I see flashing headlights through my rear view mirror. I pull over. He pulls over and gets out of his car. He is in his mid 40's, probably twice my age. He has a handsome face, kind eyes, and a mustache. He looks like any man you would see while shopping. He is wearing shorts and I admire his strong hairy legs.
"Would you like to follow me to my place?"
"Yes. Yes I would."
I park on the street outside his duplex. I follow him to his door. I'm still afraid of being caught and this feeds the thrill of what may happen. "What will happen?" I think. We enter his place and into his living room.
"I'm Rick" he says as he grabs a blanket from the closet and spreads it on the floor, making a nice play space for us.
"I'm Mark" I reply as he plays a porn video on his TV and begins to undress. I undress as well.
There is something powerful yet vulnerable about being complete naked with another man. My insecurity withers as he approaches with desire in his eyes, looking me over. He rubs my nipples with the back of his hands and my body reacts with a shock of erotic pleasure. I had no idea my nipples were an erogenous zone.
His hand moves behind my head and he pulls me in for a kiss. I had never kissed a man before. The tension between avoiding this intimate act and surrendering to his mouth and tongue thrills me. I give in to a passionate kiss of depth, warmth, and desire. I revel in the feel of his body against mine. I feel myself hardening as I yield to the sensations. My submission is like a birth and all my senses are inflamed and engorged.
My hands move up his hairy chest, over his nipples. I find my arms gently hugging his neck, pulling him in. It feels like a feminine pose, a submissive position. My body is talking and it is telling him "I want this and you are doing all the right things. I want you in charge."
"Who am I?" I think as I embrace this new dimension, this new identity. "Was this always in me?"
I feel pressure on my shoulders as his hands push me down on my knees to kneel before his cock. He is semi hard. I take him in to my mouth. I am floating in sensation in this new realm. My hands slide up his strong legs. I feel the strength in his muscles. He hardens.
I suck and lick his balls and am rewarded with his sharp intake of breath. "That's fantastic!" he says through clenched teeth. I take his cock in to my mouth again. I take his hands from his hips and place them behind my head.
"Seriously, who the fuck am I!?" I think as he fucks my mouth. I love it as I gag. He is in charge, controlling my ability to breath. I surrender and ride his passion. The panic only feeds my desire to please my man. Unchained is a ravenous beast that had been hidden and repressed. I yield and follow its direction.
He might look like a regular guy but there is more. I see the masculine energy of the animal within. I see power in him and I feel a different power with in me. He is force and I am attraction. He takes and I give. I entice and provoke, he reacts, and I am aroused to provoke more. "How deep does this go and to where?" I think.
He takes his cock out of my mouth. He holds that back of my head, turning head up to face him. Then he slaps his hard cock against my face. I blush with shame and embarrassment and further flush that I like this shame. I love the indignity, the assertion, the audacity, the display of male dominance and power. I look him in the eyes. I affirm the moment. I rub my face over his cock and balls. They are slick with my saliva and his masculine scent. I want his scent on my face. I am all his.
He guides me to where he wants me. I am on my hands an knees with my ass in the air like some horny bitch. I feel vulnerable and exposed. "Am I a faggot? I am a faggot!" I think and the identity sticks, not with shame, but with an energy and honesty that ignites me. I will bottom for this sexy man. I will take his hard cock in to my body and he will fuck me the way I did not know I crave.
