Twenty years, where did they go?........well, this is the story......
Twenty years ago I was 26 years old, just finished law school and had a good entry level position at a law firm. My job was in the same city as the law school and I had kept my apartment out in the suburbs and commuted into the city center.
I admit that I was quite good looking, about 6 foot, 180 pounds, masculine with a reasonably hairy chest and short, well groomed beard. Although I am bisexual, I had been dating throughout college and law school with both men and women. I never found anyone I really clicked with and I guess in reality, spiritually, I was somewhat of a loner.
At twenty-sex, I had a high sex drive so I was constantly looking for hook-ups. It was always easier to get no-strings-attached sex with guys so most of my hook-ups were with guys and I slowly stopped chasing girls. As both a top and bottom, there was always a lot to choose from and I ended up meeting a different guy every time and usually about two to three times a week. While the sex was usually good, somehow I felt quite empty.
One Friday, I had had a tough week, so I left work and took the train home a little earlier than usual. I stopped by the electronics store in a strip mall near the train station to purchase a new mouse for my computer. I was contemplating if I should try and find a hook-up that evening or just go home and chill. I wandered a little aimlessly around the shop and made my way up to the check-out.
In the line, there was a man in front of me, he looked to be about 35 years old, 6 foot, 3 inches, with a large, but well groomed black hair and long beard, jeans, nice leather boots and a stylish suede jacket. He was quite muscular and had just the beginnings of a beer belly. He looked hopelessly hetero and since I really didn't get a gaydar signal from him, I didn't pay too much attention to him after the initial once over.
He was trying to explain to the cashier that he had a store credit to use to pay, but she was clearly not too bright. I followed along a little bit as he was speaking very politely to her, but in a powerful and stern way with a very deep, masculine voice. It was an ordinary, run of the mill type of situation that one finds in a store and nothing more than that registered in my brain.
Another cashier came to the front to expedite my purchase and I was finished at the same time as the man in front of me. He happened to turn around and glance at me before he started for the door. We caught each other's glance and I looked directly into his dark brown eyes. He turned and started walking for the door.
At that moment, something happened to me that I cannot now, nor ever will be able to explain or understand, I can only chalk it up to fate. It was like the whole world stopped, my conscious thought turned off and suddenly I was being driven by a hidden force that I did not resist.
I followed the man out of the door and walked a few steps behind him. He turned around and saw me near and waited a split second until we were walking side by side. Neither a glance nor any words were exchanged. He went to the driver's side of his pickup truck, unlocked the vehicle and I climbed into the passenger side. He started the engine and started to drive.
I didn't even question myself as to, "What are you doing?" It just felt right. We drove in silence out of town and after about fifteen minutes we arrived at an older farm house. It was still in the city limits and the farmland had apparently been divided up and several houses which were reasonably in close proximity.
We got out of the truck and walked into the house via the kitchen door. I could see several rooms from that vantage point and everything was clean and orderly. He took two beers out of the refrigerator and we went into the den and he sat the two beers on the coffee table. He sat down at one end of the sofa and I chose to sit in the middle. We both reached for the beers at the same time, popped the top and took a swig. He turned on the TV and I removed my suit jacket and loosened my necktie.
Looking back on this now, I realize how awkward this situation should have been for both of us. We should have at least said something--anything--or even toasted with the beer bottles. One of us should probably have been anxious or nervous when there was no verbal communication, eye contact or any acknowledgement that we were two people there. At the time however, it felt completely normal.
He turned on the evening news, took his telephone up and apparently ordered two pizzas as while we were watching the local news, two pizzas were delivered. He took them from the delivery guy, set them down on the coffee table and we ate while watching the national news.
After we had finished, we both took the pizza boxes and empty beer bottles to the kitchen, he took two more beers from the refrigerator and we returned to the sofa. The evening film was "Ghost" and we sat in silence watching at our respective places on the sofa. After some time, I removed my tie completely, slid over to him and put my head on his shoulder. He wrapped his arm around me and we watched the rest of the film like this.
Resting my head on his shoulder felt so good, I could hear his heartbeat and his chest rise slowly up and down with his breathing. His arm was wrapped tightly around me giving me a feeling of security and warmth. At one point in time, he leaned his head down and rested it on my head and it really felt nice and his beard felt good on my forehead and cheek. While there are romantic and funny scenes in the movie, neither of us reacted, we just sat there together in silence.
After the film was over, he got up and went toward what I guessed was the bedroom so I followed. He took all his clothes off except his boxer briefs, I did the same and we climbed into bed together, him laying on his back. I moved over, putting my head on his shoulder and he draped his arm over my other shoulder. I lay there listening to his heartbeat and breathing and soon I was fast asleep.
I awoke in an empty bed, I hadn't slept that well in years and I was totally refreshed. I could hear noises from the kitchen and I went to investigate. He was pouring two cups of coffee and had a tray with bread, butter and jam which he picked up and took out on the patio behind the kitchen. The morning was warm and sunny and we sat there enjoying the sun and breakfast.
We looked into each other's face for the first time since our eyes had briefly met in the electronics shop. He was staring intently into my eyes, I followed suit and looked into his brown eyes that gave me a feeling of someone with limitless kindness, but still reserved like someone who was perhaps a wounded soldier. He had masculine features, straight nose, nice lips, and his beard was a little scraggly from sleeping on it.
Without blinking, he said softly in his deep bass voice, "My name is Josh."
"I'm Tom," I replied.
"Nice to meet you," he responded and nodded his head up and down a little bit, but still holding his hawklike gaze into my eyes.
"Likewise, Josh," I replied.
I still didn't feel any awkwardness from him or myself, but I did feel compelled to talk to him now that I had followed him home and slept in his bed without any type of explanation or introduction. I sat there and before I could formulate any response, the words started flowing slowly from my mouth with no clear intent of what I was going to say.
"I'm very happy to be here Josh, ......I don't really understand how or why I got here..... I've never done anything like this in my life..... Yesterday in the shop, I saw you and felt drawn to you, somehow I felt I needed to be with you and I just followed you..... Right now, in my heart I still feel it is somehow right to be here....... My brain seems to have shut off."
He responded, speaking very slowly but clearly, "I don't really know what to say Tom, I've never experienced anything like this myself. When you climbed into my truck yesterday, it felt kinda natural, like that's where you belong and that the empty seat was finally filled with the person who has been missing."
I leaned over and gave him a hug and he hugged me back. We sat there in a bear hug for a couple of minutes until we broke off and resumed drinking our coffee.
He spoke in a slow cadence, "I've never been with a man or ever considered that perhaps a man was an option for...........," and he trailed off without finishing the sentence and we sat in silence for a few minutes.
"I've been with both men and women.......but somehow.....yesterday, I don't believe it was your gender that drew me to you........ I just can't explain it.......and to be honest, I don't really want to mix logic and reason into this..... For once, I am just doing what feels right."
He sat quietly, again looking deep into my eyes for several minutes and then just nodded his head up and down as if he were contemplating something.
"I have a place I would like to take you if you don't have anything else to do today," he said.
"Yeah, sure."
We stood up and cleared the breakfast dishes away, loaded the dishwasher and made sure the kitchen was tidy. He took me by the hand and led me into the bathroom and turned the shower on. We took our briefs off and stepped into the shower together and let the warm water run over us and hugged. I felt as if I were opening up and letting him into my person and there was no fear.
Even though we had disrobed and gotten into the shower stall, I had not really checked his body out. I didn't want to ruin the moment and emotional connection with physical inspection. He leaned his head down and gave me a light kiss. I responded and pressed my lips into his and gently pressed my tongue into his mouth. He accepted it and we stood under the shower tongue kissing and pressing our bodies into each other.
