Duncan laid a reassuring hand on David's arm. "You're not the worst father in the world. Tell me all about it, David, it'll make you feel better. I did drive all the way up here," he added.
David turned around to rub his aching his eyes in secret, unaware of how red they had become. "Fine," he muttered. He moved the cardboard box off the counter and poured himself a mug of coffee, glancing sparingly at Duncan as he did.
Duncan was Adam's father in every possible way save biologically. He was caring, gentle and supportive, never quick to judge or anger; in short, the warmest soul David had ever met. He even looked the part, with his rectangle-framed glasses, wearing a fitted grey, woollen sweater and long faded denim jeans. The corners of his eyes even crinkled when he smiled. A total dad -- and not just in the hot way.
David decided then he wouldn't reveal the whole truth. He knew Duncan would not judge him; when he first came out as a gay man in his early 20's, Duncan's enduring friendship had kept him going when all his other 'friends' trickled away. They even dated for a couple of years and they remained close to this day.
Duncan would likely love and support him no matter what, and David didn't feel like he deserved that right at this moment.
'Adam moved out," David started uncertainly. "Because I started to have feelings for someone."
"Strange. He's not the kind of person to be bothered by someone else's relationship. But apart from Adam, that's great news, David. It's never too late for a chance at happiness."
"Yeah... I felt close to someone for the first time in a very long time. I haven't felt that way for over twenty years, you know."
Duncan winced, indeed knowing the reason.
"Duncan, when you left me for Beatrice, I thought I'd never feel the same way with anyone else. I knew at the time with all certainty that what we had was unique to just the two of us, and I had lost that feeling forever."
"We did share something very special," Duncan agreed softly.
"Then you and Beatrice got engaged... then married... and then when you tried to have kids but couldn't, you came to me."
"The three of us were like family back then," said Duncan with a smile. "It was the obvious choice."
David opened his mouth to say something, but couldn't get the words out.
His friend waited politely, then continued. "So did it somehow involve Adam. Is that why he left?"
"Something like that."
Duncan narrowed his eyes in suspicion.
David clenched his fists and forced the words out. He couldn't keep more than one secret at a time from his friend. "I still loved you, Duncan, back then when you asked. Having that son between the three of us was a constant reminder of what we had. Of course it was impossible to love again."
Duncan looked visibly shocked; anger flitted across his face at the accusation, but his compassion won out. "David -- I -- I didn't know. I thought we were fine. You agreed to do it, and it had been so long since we broke up. Why didn't you tell me?"
David shrugged. "I spent so much of my early life closeted and hiding who I was. Hiding how I still felt about you came naturally to me. Every time we hooked up, with or without Beatrice, my world felt right again. I thought it was the only way I could feel that connection. If I refused, you would have figured out why and that would have stopped."
"I'm sorry, David, I truly do take the blame for the pain I unknowingly put you through. Had I been a better friend, I would have seen it. But I love Beatrice. You know I can't control -"
"Yeah, yeah," David waved his hand grumpily, cutting him off. "You don't choose who you love, I think I understand that now."
"You don't still have feelings for me now, do you?" Duncan asked quickly.
"No."
They drank their coffee quietly for a while. David didn't know how to continue without revealing it was his son. No -- Duncan's son. He wasn't sure which way of saying it sounded worse. Duncan would ask him who the target of his attentions were, and his stomach knotted in fear at the thought of saying it out loud.
Duncan saved him the trouble.
"So this man you've fallen in love with. You said, 'You don't choose who you love', and 'I'm the worst father in the world'... It's Adam we're talking about, isn't it?"
"Yes," he said quickly while he still had the courage to admit it.
His friend was silent for a full minute. He nodded to himself as he sipped his coffee which was cold by then.
David sipped his own lukewarm coffee, relaxing muscle by muscle. A small smile crept onto his face; an aching burden had finally been lifted off his shoulders. Duncan would tell him what to do. His friendship had never let him down.
"You vile sack of horse shit," Duncan abruptly spat at him.
David's heart skipped a beat. The look on his friend's face was alien to him: disgust, repulsion and hatred all at once. "I'm sorry -" he managed to wheeze faintly.
"Of all the men you in the world -- your own flesh and blood!? Are you
that
desperate for sex that you're fucking your own son now?" Duncan's voice has risen to a shout. "You can pick anyone to screw, and it takes, what -- one week? Two? - after Adam moves in until he becomes another one of your conquests?"
Less than a day
, David corrected silently, hating himself.
I wanted to fuck his brains out the moment I laid eyes on him.
"My son,
your
offspring, that
I
raised and loved as my own! What the fuck do you think you're playing at, you sick fuck?"
"Hey now, that's not fair -" David spluttered in his defence, but David held a hand up to silence him.
"Don't tell me what to think." Duncan took several deep breaths to calm himself. "Don't even talk to me about what you did." His voice dropped to an icy whisper. "If I hear you touched my son, I will
fucking
pound your face to a pulp, you got that?"