Morris Hump
"My name is Morris," I said to him, "Morris Hump..."
He looked at me like I was crazy.
"I know that boy, I been bangin your momma since you were knee-high...you stupid or somethin?" he asked me.
I knew the answer to that question. "No sir, momma says, 'Stupid is as stupid does!"
"If that's true, boy, you must be a blithering idiot," he replied. "Anyway, I didn't come here to see your momma, no, I'm here to wish YOU a Happy Birthday! What are you, Morris, eighteen years old today?"
"Yes sir, momma says I'm old enough to know better now..."
"I hope not, boy..." he said. "Here -- I brought you a box a candy..."
"Thank you, sir...momma always says 'Life is like a box of chocolates'----"
"These aren't chocolates, boy - they're hard candies..."
"Momma don't say nothin much about hard candies, 'cept I know she likes 'em..."
"How do you know that, boy?" he asked me.
"Whenever a new boarder stays with us, momma always says, 'I hope he's got a nice piece a hard candy in his pocket for me to suck on'..."
The man gave me the strangest look then took my hand and pulled me alongside him.
"C'mon boy, let's go sit under the old oak tree -- I got a piece a hard candy in my pants I wanna show ya..."
"It's not all linty from being in your pocket, is it, sir?"
"Hahaha, don't you worry about a thing, I'm gonna let ya polish and buff my hooter til it's all wet and shiny, okay son?"
"That would be real nice a ya, sir..."
* * * * *
My Jenny is my oldest and dearest and bestest friend in the whole wide world. She's my only friend in the whole wide world. She says we're like peas and carrots whatever that means...
We're sittin on the bank of the stream dangling our bare feet in the water when she suddenly says, "Morris, I can see you and Ol Doc Brown underneath the oak tree from my bedroom window -- what are you fellas doin there?"
"He helps me squirt, Jenny, do you know what that is?" I asked her.
"Yes I do, Morris, I help my daddy squirt every night," she replied.
"Doc Brown says if a man don't squirt enough his brain gets all dull and fuzzy," I said to her. "I help him squirt, too."
"Morris, whaddya gonna do now that he's gone away for a long time?" she asked me.
"Huh? Whaddya mean, Jenny?" I replied.
"He was helping the Swanson boys squirt but all they got is peach fuzz on their nuts," she said.
That surprised me. "I didn't know you gotta have hairy nuts to squirt, Jenny..."
"If you want Morris, I'll help you squirt," she said.
"Would you, Jenny? That would be real nice a ya...but momma bought me new pants and I can't figure 'em out, Jenny..."
"Don't worry, Morris, I'll help ya..."
I watched my Jenny work hard at opening my pants. She sure has a knack for it.
"Wow Morris, that sure is a nice piece a hard candy you got there," said my Jenny.
"Somethin don't feel right, Jenny, my brain feels all dull and fuzzy - I think I got too much poison in my eggs down there..."
"That's not good, Morris, I wanna help you, what can I do?"
"Momma says the only way to get poison out of a man's body is to suck it out..."
"Must be true, Morris -- daddy says so, too," said my Jenny. "Don't worry -- I'll get that nasty poison out of your eggs, Morris..."
"That would be swell, Jenny..."
And as I watched my Jenny's head bobbing up-and-down my hard candy, I thought, Wow, and they call ME stupid? Heh-heh-heh...
Tricked and Owned
I made a mistake last week -- a bad-bad-BAD mistake!
I went out bar-hopping with my roommate and some of his friends from work and, I dunno what happened, one thing led to another, and before I knew it I found myself alone with Mike's Saudi Arabian friend, Keon, and again, I don't know how it happened, but Keon somehow persuaded me into giving him a handjob.
I've never had homo sex in my life -- never even thought about it, but after he exposed his horse-cock and ominously warned me, "I'm going to fuck you in the ass tonight!" I was so scared he'd rip me in half with that monster I decided it might be wise to placate him so I swallowed my pride and gave him a handjob.
It was strictly out of self-defense. He wanted to fuck me but MY GOD, you should see the SIZE of that thing!!!! As it was, I had to use both hands to make him shoot a load.
Now I've never had homo sex in my life -- not even thought about it, but I gotta tell ya, when I held that bad boy in my hands and squeezed and stroked it my own boner began leaking pre-cum.
* * * * *
Well, wouldn't you know it? The asshole swore it would be a one-night-only thing but he's been texting me every day wanting to get together again. My reply every time has been: "NO EFFING WAY!!!!"
So this morning I received this text from him: "Moving to Florida in three-days -- I want to see you one more time!"
He's moving to Florida? WOW -- my sigh of relief was so strong it steamed-up my car window.
There was still no way I was going to be alone with him again so I replied: "Have a good life!"
Well, a few seconds later he sent me this: "What will your roommate say when I tell him how much you love sucking my cock?"
I've never had a dick in my mouth in my life but his threat sent icy chills up and down my spine.
He wouldn't do that, would he? He's a nice guy, he wouldn't do something so mean and despicable as lying to my roommate, would he?
And then he added: "Mike already suspects you're queer. What will he do when I tell him you not only suck me off, but take it up the ass, too?"
A cold shiver of panic raced up-and-down my spine. "Keon, don't do this, okay? I'm not a faggot - I made a mistake, that's all there is to it...have a good time in Florida!"
And then I read his response: "Well, cutie, one more night won't hurt unless I decide to bend you over and fuck your tight little boycunt, hahahaha...My house - 9pm sharp -- DO NOT BE LATE!!!!"
* * * * *
